Wanted to be honest with parents about smoking, they took it horribly

Lemme start off by saying I'm 20 and gonna start my junior year of college (out-of-state) in the fall. My parents have always been very lenient with me, almost to the point of spoiling, but I've always done well in school and generally do what they ask. Two nights ago my mom came into my room and told me she had seen my lighters and had smelled a vague smokey smell coming out of the bathroom, but she thought i was smokings cigs. I just decided to be honest with her and tell her right there that I smoked pot.

She immediately burst into tears and started flipping out. She said i was ruining my life, drugs are bad, i thought you were a good kid, etc. etc. I tried to reason with her and show her some websites, studies, etc. to calm her down and explain what marijuana really is. After two days and a lot of BULLSHIT she did come to accept that pot isn't as harmful as alcohol or tobacco, but she was adamant that it was going to ruin my life because pot is a "drug" and drugs are bad, it's illegal, and that i could get arrested for it and never be able to find a good job.

She said I had to stop because she loved me so much and was so worried, and that she would do anything to get me to stop, even pulling me out of the university of chicago to go to state school and live at home. Because that's better than smoking pot right? So i promised her that I would stop, and gave her my word. Now she's made an appointment with my old doctor so he could "talk to me about my problem" and wanted me to abandon my job and summer plans (going to lollapalooza in a week, :thumbsup:) to go on vacation with her so she can "watch me and make sure im not addicted and can really stop". i told her flat out, no way, and it looks like she gave up on the idea.

Obviously, I'm not going to stop toking. But, i still feel guilty lying to her and for all the times that I'm going to lie from now on. Even though she reacted in such a FUCKED UP way to my honesty and treated me like a goddamn kid, i know she did it out of concern. I dont really know where i was going with this, but i had to vent. Thoughts? anyone actually read this whole thing? :jointsmile:

sounds pretty standard, she will never accept it completely, but just be yourself... always try to live right, and life will role on man... she will never think of you the same way, true... but that is healthy... lol

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Originally Posted by zane929

Lemme start off by saying I'm 20 and gonna start my junior year of college (out-of-state) in the fall. My parents have always been very lenient with me, almost to the point of spoiling, but I've always done well in school and generally do what they ask. Two nights ago my mom came into my room and told me she had seen my lighters and had smelled a vague smokey smell coming out of the bathroom, but she thought i was smokings cigs. I just decided to be honest with her and tell her right there that I smoked pot.

She immediately burst into tears and started flipping out. She said i was ruining my life, drugs are bad, i thought you were a good kid, etc. etc. I tried to reason with her and show her some websites, studies, etc. to calm her down and explain what marijuana really is. After two days and a lot of BULLSHIT she did come to accept that pot isn't as harmful as alcohol or tobacco, but she was adamant that it was going to ruin my life because pot is a "drug" and drugs are bad, it's illegal, and that i could get arrested for it and never be able to find a good job.

She said I had to stop because she loved me so much and was so worried, and that she would do anything to get me to stop, even pulling me out of the university of chicago to go to state school and live at home. Because that's better than smoking pot right? So i promised her that I would stop, and gave her my word. Now she's made an appointment with my old doctor so he could "talk to me about my problem" and wanted me to abandon my job and summer plans (going to lollapalooza in a week, :thumbsup:) to go on vacation with her so she can "watch me and make sure im not addicted and can really stop". i told her flat out, no way, and it looks like she gave up on the idea.

Obviously, I'm not going to stop toking. But, i still feel guilty lying to her and for all the times that I'm going to lie from now on. Even though she reacted in such a FUCKED UP way to my honesty and treated me like a goddamn kid, i know she did it out of concern. I dont really know where i was going with this, but i had to vent. Thoughts? anyone actually read this whole thing? :jointsmile:

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Honey, ya just gave momma a bit of a shock. She was probably either a stoner in school OR she never ever smoked and is brainwashed by the bad stuff that was always put in her head.

She loves you and her biggest worry is that you succeed in life, have a great job and family and and equally great future. Nothing wrong with that because ALL moms want that.

If you really feel you have things under controll, stay in the school of your choice and don't let moms panic start to dictate your life. You are 20 now. The only worry would be doing it in her house and ticking her off.
My mom accpeted us doing it in the house where we would be safe.
She didn't like it but would rather have had us home then out and about. Even our friends would make our upstairs their haven when needed.

Just give your mom some time to deal with it in her mind.
Show her you are still that Good boy she has always known.

Good luck~ I hope it all works out for you both.

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Originally Posted by tootsie roll

Honey, ya just gave momma a bit of a shock. She was probably either a stoner in school OR she never ever smoked and is brainwashed by the bad stuff that was always put in her head.

She loves you and her biggest worry is that you succeed in life, have a great job and family and and equally great future. Nothing wrong with that because ALL moms want that.

If you really feel you have things under controll, stay in the school of your choice and don't let moms panic start to dictate your life. You are 20 now. The only worry would be doing it in her house and ticking her off.
My mom accpeted us doing it in the house where we would be safe.
She didn't like it but would rather have had us home then out and about. Even our friends would make our upstairs their haven when needed.

Just give your mom some time to deal with it in her mind.
Show her you are still that Good boy she has always known.

Good luck~ I hope it all works out for you both.

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i wanted to say that, i just don't have the estrogen to pull it all together i think

she probably honestly believes what she said.... nothing you can really do...

you're 20 dude.... put your foot down... tell her it's your life, you're not shooting up or smoking crack. marijuana is well on it's way to being decriminalized and this isn't the 50's or 60's... that you understand how she feels, because she grew up in an era where it wasn't studied (or atleast publicly) and it wasn't anywhere nearly as widely accepted as it is today... that getting caught these days is usually no worse then getting a couple of traffic tickets so long as you're not holding on to ounces or pounds of the stuff...

tell her of the medicinal benifits, as well as the theraputic ones. that there is nothing in it to be adictive (or atleast at the level of alcohol or tobacco) and it doesn't even cause cancer (infact the oppposite)

tell her how you're responsible, you don't sit on your ass all day smoking the day away, you use it about ht esame as a casual drinker would drink, at a far less taxing price of your body.

then drop the bomb on her... ask her if she would really freak out so bad if she found out you had a few shots or beers on the weekend.... and if not why she's taking it this way...

Thanks for the replies! Helped me put things into perspective.

I did put my foot down in the beginning, but that's when she threatened to stop paying for out-of-state college so i figured it probably wasn't a good idea to keep it up. There's no way I could keep up with tuition on my own. I know I'm 20 and it's strange that I would be so worried about what my mom thinks, but she does have me by the purse-strings. Also, my parents were chinese born and raised so they aren't really into the "you're independent when you turn 18" idea as far as i can tell, heh.

I feel really guilty sometimes when I'm smoking because I know that my parents wouldn't appreciate it, but most parents are completely brainwashed by the media. However I still can't help but feeling guilty =/ . I hate it, but I love weed so I don't want to stop.
That's a real bummer that your mom took it that way, but at least you proved to her that cannabis is less dangerous than alcohol and tobacco, that was a step.

man it sucks your mom feels that way my mom dont smoke but she knows all it does to me is make me look funny as she puts it but i guess there will always ppl who feel differently about pot but dont worry cause no matter how much you smoke well never ask you to quit lol

It was once said by 2 wise men (DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince), "Parents Just Don't Understand". Unfortunatley it's a well known fact that lying to your parents is sometimes the best option (for both you & her). Tell her you'll put down the grass, continue to smoke (RESPONSIBLY) do good in school, avoid arrest, etc etc. Hopefully in years to come when your done with school & have a job & stuff, your success will enable you to prove to your mom that pot ain't all that bad. Im from the Chicago area and I know it aint cheap living & going to school in the Chi. So any $ support from mom is needed. GO 2 LOLLAPOLOZA. MAKE SURE TO CHECK OUT SOUND TRIBE SECTOR 9!!!<trust me about STS9

What Tootsie said was right on from a parental perspective. It just surprised her and shocked her and worried her. Moms react that way when it's their kids, and she's obviously responding through a lot of the propaganda that all our parents (and many of our contemporaries) believe about cannabis.

Try and give her a break. She's worried about your success in college and your motivation. And above all, any caring mom with sense is going to be worried about the fact that, whether cannabis is harmless or not, it's illegal and can result in your getting arrested. Nothing in the world is going to take that worry away from a mother, and I'm sure you can understand that.

I think you should begin a deliberate, gradual campaign of education and information about cannabis to help persuade her. Print out pertinent articles and studies from the NORML and Erowid sites. This is a battle cannabis advocates have to wage one person at a time, and there's no better person to start with than mom. Good luck!