Disastrous sexual encounters

This hasn't happened yet, but I'll bet it is only a matter of time...

My bedroom is in a walk-up attic. I can't get furniture up there, so my mattress is 2 twins side by side on the floor with a pad.
My dog is a 70 pound overprotective bulldog/boxer cross.
I can't fully shut and latch the attic door.
My current partner is large. I mean, REALLY large. Like, linebacker pornstar large. Because of this, I make some odd noises during sex.

Lately, the dog has been getting pretty fucking pissed at Donk. She apparently thinks he's hurting me. Telling her 'go lie down' gives about 30 seconds' reprieve from her snarling at him.

Last week we were getting some freek on and I asked, "Hey babe, does it turn you on to know there could be a 70 pound bulldog hanging off your leg at any minute?" We are both pretty convinced that she's going to take a chunk of him to use as a chew-toy in the near future.

There's little I can do about this. (Yes, I'm fixing the door!!!!) I don't want to discourage her protective instincts. So part of sex lately has been worrying about whether Donk is going to end up in the ER explaining why he has to get his calf stitched up.

This is my bodyguard....

Ok, I'll play. :)

Took a friend of mine on a boat ride, she hadn't seen the lake my family's camp is on and really wanted to get away from her other siblings.

So as we're getting things ready (life preservers, seats, drinks, etc) she starts flirting and gradually gets more and more graphic/uninhibited. Makes a point of telling me she won't need to bring her swimsuit as she won't need it but can't wait to get in the water. I realized I had this diminutive, soft spoken church girl all wrong. Awesome!

An hour or so later I pull the boat up to an island in a remote area of the lake so we can eat sandwiches and chill on land - I had secreted some cold beers away from my folks earlier and thought, if ever there was a time to throw alcohol at the situation, this was it.
I offer her a cold one, she looks at me like I'm crazy and says (paraphrasing here) 'Uhh, how about we fuck then go for a swim?'

She prances away while undressing, and I'm right behind her. I follow her to a small grassy portion of this island, which btw was the size of most common living rooms. Not a single tree on it, and aside from a mound of soil and grass in the very middle, was just rocks and shrubs. She piles her clothes and then lays on them, spread eagle waiting for me to dive in.
We had only been getting down for 5 or 10mins when the wind picked up, and within the next few minutes it went from sunny and gorgeous outside to gale force winds and rain, then hail, thunder and lightening. Nothing like a bolt of lightning landing nearby to snap you out of your horny froth! I was pretty pissed this super hot event I was lucky enough to happen upon was over. But my friend proceeded directly to Go Apeshit and Panic Mode, she was scared out of her mind. She bolts to the boat, naked mind you, slips, and wipes out on the rocks, managing to slam into the aluminum hull on the way down.

So we show up at the dock a little later, both soaked to the bone, shivering, and bearing red marks all over from getting nailed with hail. She's bleeding from the head, arm and both feet, and we're both missing articles of clothing. And to top it all off, her mother and both of my parents run down to the docks to question us upon our arrival. Yeah, the scene of an almost naked, bleeding girl added to stolen beer made for some great family discussion. Ended up getting screwed for about 6 months for about 10min of hot outdoor tail.

Apart from the getting grounded and being caught naked in a hail storm parts, good times! ;)

As for my friend, I ended up competing against her in some 4H horse-riding events later that year. After my sister and I pretty much dominated that meet, she never spoke to me again. Oh well.

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Originally Posted by BlueDevil

She piles her clothes and then lays on them, spread eagle waiting for me to dive in.

:thumbsup:

But my friend proceeded directly to Go Apeshit and Panic Mode, she was scared out of her mind. She bolts to the boat, naked mind you, slips, and wipes out on the rocks, managing to slam into the aluminum hull on the way down.

:(

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That is all.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BlueDevil

Ok, I'll play. :)

Took a friend of mine on a boat ride, she hadn't seen the lake my family's camp is on and really wanted to get away from her other siblings.


As for my friend, I ended up competing against her in some 4H horse-riding events later that year. After my sister and I pretty much dominated that meet, she never spoke to me again. Oh well.

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This is me going out on a limb.....but does your family have lots of money?

Worst sexual experience??? I've got plenty.

Keep in mind I'm gay otherwise this might not make sense to some of you.

also....if you don't wanna read about 2 dudes fucking then avert your eyes.

Once I was going down on this guy in my room with the door locked when my mom starts banging on the door. Apparently she heard the front door and thought someone was breaking in (paranoid). She won't go away until I answer so he hides and it takes 5 minutes to convince her everything is okay.

Another time I was about to go down on a guy and I saw what looked to be genital warts....that was a mood killer.

But for the coup de grâce:
I was fucking this guy for a while and we'd gone through quite a few positions. Towards the end he was riding me and it was great. I started to feel something warm running down my balls and I mentioned it. He got up to check and as he pulled off shit poured down onto my entire crotch. If it hadn't been for the little cover the condom provided I probably would have puked everywhere.
The moral of that story is make sure your partner cleans themselves out before having anal sex! It's a gay law to live by.

I hooked up with my brother's girlfriend. it was hella good sex but now my brother doesn't talk to me. but i hooked up with here again last weekend. he doesn't know...yet. :thumbsup:

loxley, have you NO sense of family loyalty?
Hooking up with a friend's girlfriend is bad enough... but your own BROTHER? That's HORRIBLE!!!

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Originally Posted by Blitzed

Well, it wasn't really disastrous during sex, but what happened after was. I was with a girl in high school, and we had been dating for a few months, well she was a virgin, and we started doing the nasty in the back seat. I had heard that there is blood with some virgins, but I didn't know how much. Well, I guess we ended up on my shirt, and after the deed I didn't really look at it and just put it on. I walk into a gas station to buy a soda and walk up to the front counter, when I get there the clerk asks if I just stabbed somebody. Really bewildered I asked him what he meant, and he told me to look at my shirt. It had a nice amount of blood on it, I was so angry, but I know it wasn't her fault. It was veeeeeery embarrassing, and that's why I will never sleep with a virgin again.

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I lost a white t-shirt to a similar experience, except the woman I was sleeping with was on her period. Similarly, it was not a "disastrous" encounter but I really need my white-t's. The bright idea of taking it off never occurred either. Heat of the moment? Definitely. She came to my job that morning and basically invited me to screw her that evening. Now that I reflect--fuck the t-shirt! I got me some. Yeahhh.

This happened to a friend of mine and a girl I've been with a few times. They were parked on a country road fucking and a sheriff's deputy pulled up behind them. They got dressed in a huge hurry and accidently put on each others pants. She had left her purse in a bar early that night, with her ID and a pipe with a little herb in it. So like an idiot she wants to go to the jail to claim her purse because someone had turned it in. She got to they jail and they arrested her for possesion and she freaked out and got charged with battery on a LEO, attempted escape, resisting arrest, criminal damage to property, obstruction of legal process, poss. of marijuana, and possesion of parphenalia. And went to jail with his money in her pocket because she was wearing his pants.

hehe yeah man i have had a few. some of them i wouldnt want to post, as they might make me look like a slime ball.

ok so i was 15 with my girl of a year and a half. we finally decided to try anal. so we were laying in a spoon position gettin warmed up. i was rubbing my stuff all over her stuff, gettin her wet as im already hard like stone. so all of a sudden shes like "woah woah dude whyd you cum already?!?" i was like "what are you talking about....damn girl you are WET!" all of a sudden, i look down and were COVERED in blood. dude this was like some Dr. Giggles shit str8 up! i tore the connective tissue right below my hole. (ouch) it bled for such a long time. didnt exactly go how i plannned lol i pictured some cool dirk diggler type of shit, u know? lol

LATE