As I read your reply to me, Oneironaut, and subsequent posts from you and others, I realized that at the moment, unless you pay for it or find a female acquaintance to oblige, you have some social distance to cover before you're ready to have actual sex. All the advice to find a girl in a bar and go for it is rather worthless until you further hone your social skills. I know that??s the last thing you want to hear, but it??s true.
Right now, work on increasing your exposure to women and friends of both genders. Dutch Lover's idea of taking a hobby or craft class was a good one. Do online dating. Hang out in book stores. Volunteer in a library. The more things you try, the more exposure you'll get. You'll have to force yourself to initiate conversations and come out of your shell, but you can do that, and practice helps you get better at being social. Keep cultivating your friendship with your lady friend from work, too. That??s a very good thing and has potential.
Once you??ve developed your social skills a bit further and have a better network of friends and women to choose from, then you can begin looking at the possibility of dating, hanging out one-on-one, or being set up by your male friends. Then, once you??ve crossed that hurdle, you can cross the bridge to sex. Far too many young people put too much emphasis on having sex without any consideration for actual emotional intimacy. Your mates and acquaintances who nail lots of girls? They??re braggarts and lotharios. Plenty of them are also carriers and transmitters of STDs. Chances are that many of them are huge exaggerators, too. I differ with Dutch Lover here because I believe lots of sexual exposure doesn??t necessarily mean improvement in sexual technique at all. It??s being in a relationship where there??s trust and emotional closeness that allows the partners to communicate to each other what they need and like. Good sex results from that trust and closeness, not from the quantity of partners or experiences someone has had.
As far as why being smart can sometimes be a hindrance, I??m afraid that??s just the way things are. Ever read any of the philosophers or poets who??ve written about the isolating nature of genius? Intelligence sets people apart and can be threatening. The average young adult isn??t a deep or critical thinker, and you??ve been raised to be different. You read more. Have different ideas about religion, politics, culture, and life. I suspect you ??stay in your head? (that is, in the intellectual realm) a good bit more than most folks. And that also puts some social distance between you and others. This is not a terminal problem. But it??s why you will be likely to meet other smarter-than-average women friends in places other than bars or malls. Academia. Bookstores. Art-house film centers. Unitarian fellowships. Another potentially good option for meeting people with whom to interact socially is some type of support or therapy group, which would probably benefit you in other ways. You??re clearly feeling very depressed and isolated right now, and therapeutic support might help you stop being so harshly critical of yourself. OK, good luck again. Sorry for such a long reply.
