Complete Smoking Noob here. Looking for any and all help

The easiest way, by far, is with a water bottle pipe. I have tried apples, sockets, cans, basically everything homemade, this is the easiest and best for beginners.

Whether aluminum foil is bad for you is a hot topic, but everyone can agree that smoking out of it ONCE will NOT have any adverse effects.

Take a water bottle, throw away the cap.
Rip off the label, melt/cut a hole where the label used to be for your mouth. Take a small piece of tin foil, press it into the top of the bottle so it forms a nice bowl, and around the edges, so it will stick well.
Poke little holes in the tin foil with a pin or toothpick
Break up the weed and put it in the foil bowl
Inhale and burn the weed ;)

In the illustration:
black=bottle
gray=smoke
yellow=foil
green=weed


Trust me this is the best way for newbies.