My own son would rather live on welfare than live with me...

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Originally Posted by Billionfold

Look at yourself when you were young. Did you make it out ok? I believe in giving kids a certain amount of freedom. Now I'm not saying let a 5 year old go party hardy rock and roll, but after they become teenagers, give them some space. Let them make some mistakes. That doesn't mean keep your eye off of them, just try not to invade or distress.

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Making it out ok isn't the point. He doesn't want his son to go through the same things he did. I made it out ok, actually I've done pretty well for myself, but it was a long hard road to go from teenage burnout to where I am now. I know I don't want my own daughter going down that same long hard road.

My daughters only 3 now but I'm already grappling with the question of what I'll do if she starts smoking. On the one hand I don't want to be a hypocrite but on the other hand I want her life to be better than mine. As a (good) parent you want to give your child the world, and protect them from all the evils in it. You don't want to see them get into any situation where they "make it out ok". I hope this doesn't sound patronizing, but this just isn't something you can't truly understand until you've held your own newborn baby in your hands.

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Originally Posted by Billionfold

Look at yourself when you were young. Did you make it out ok?

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I am who I am today because I have the strength of character and the willpower and the sense to stop doing stupid shit and do what needs to be done to have a good life in this world.

There are many, many others who did not make it. Some are still on the street. Some are in prison. Some are insane. And some are dead.

Yeah, you can point to me and say "well, you turned out ok." But I can point to my son's mother and say "she hasn't changed one bit. She's still on motherfuckin welfare!"

have you ever thought of maybe he has malice towards you for 'leaving' and/or now he feels he has to be the man of the house and he doesn't want to 'abondon his mother too'... these could be some very real scenarios, me, i grew up without either parent, i still hold malice in my heart towards them for it, and i won't even be able to let it go, just some things to think about. my dad never even said he was sorry to me for lettting me grow up without him in my life, i hated him for it, and hated him more for not even acknowledging he could of done more to be there...

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Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho

have you ever thought of maybe he has malice towards you for 'leaving'

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I didn't leave him. He left me.

When he was younger, and before I left California, I went to court and I won legal custody. I was a single father. I did not make her pay one damn penny of child support in the 3 years he was living with me.

Then the opportunity came for me to take my shot at the American Dream. I had to move. How could I not? I wanted my son to come with me. I told him I was not happy in California, and by moving we could have a much better life.

He chose to go live with his mother. There's nothing I can do about that.

Just remember man, there are most likely more circumstances than that. Dont think of it as living on welfare than with you. His mom is most likely guild tripping him/offering him something that you can't give. Like my mothers boyfriend's son lives with his mom because she promised to kick her bf out if he lived with her and he hated him. He loves his dad but the reason he moved in with his mom is because the guy she was with wasn't good for her.

be like my dad, kick his ass, and tell him "your going with me" dont realy do that thu

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Originally Posted by CityBoyGoneCountry

I didn't leave him. He left me.

When he was younger, and before I left California, I went to court and I won legal custody. I was a single father. I did not make her pay one damn penny of child support in the 3 years he was living with me.

Then the opportunity came for me to take my shot at the American Dream. I had to move. How could I not? I wanted my son to come with me. I told him I was not happy in California, and by moving we could have a much better life.

He chose to go live with his mother. There's nothing I can do about that.

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i understand that, and you understand that but the question is does he? i mean have you ever talked to him about how he feels that his mom and dad are apart? maybe he does feel like you walked out on her... just trying to help you where my dad failed...

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Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho

i understand that, and you understand that but the question is does he? i mean have you ever talked to him about how he feels that his mom and dad are apart? maybe he does feel like you walked out on her... just trying to help you where my dad failed...

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Who knows what he really thinks. His mother is a master manipulator. She's made her way through her entire life by getting people to believe her lies, and avoiding responsibility for anything she does. I know she talks bad about me to him, and I know he has to believe at least some of it.

Cityboygonecountry, i know exactly what you are going through here is the situation.

My ex-stepdad is a compulsive liar. He has never worked an honest day in his life. He lies to the courts and the police and they believe him. He lied to the court system and recieved emergency custody of my sister right before we moved to knoxville. This was his first mistake in 13 years. We are getting back custody of her soon so its all good but this isn't the real story.

He has fed my sister lies about my mother all her life. And she has finally seen him for what he truly is. Eventually your son will realize it for what it is and see what his mother is doing and he will despise her for it. If not despise her he will atleast give up hope for her and go back and live with you. Of course a lot of people can't stand living in the country. I love to live outside of a big giant town in the country. Where it is a beautiful open field or such but i can still go to town when i wish.

All you can do is keep the lines of comunication open and hope that one day he'll realize how better off he would be out there with you, then on welfare. If that fails bribe him with weed, nothin says "come live with me son" Like a big ups package of weed LOL just jokin, although I'm sure you don't find that funny. Just be patient, and try to convince him otherwise, but don't over do it. I hope he comes to live with you though, sounds like he'd have it good living with you :) :D