Disastrous sexual encounters

My girlfriend and I (of 7 months as of last week) were two doors down from eachother in residence last year and the sexual tension was crazy. she had a boyfriend of three years and I was dating/banging nearly everything with a pussy. Anyways, after a very well planned (not) night of drinking i find myself spending the night in her dorm room (witch is about 3 feet by 8 feet). All of the sudden, shes going down on me but to my horror, my hot italian sausage randomly had the worst case of the irish curse EVER. She kept trying to "resurect" it but that shit just wasnt going down n i came while being soft within 45 seconds.... i didnt even know this was possible. THANKFULLY we got over it, the sex continues to be amazing and it has never happend again!!!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by trainwreck530

heres another one. i was 16 @ the time, and this girl was 14. she was FINE, but a virgin (haters f*** off) so, we didnt end up having sex, but i did go down on her, and when i go down i dont come up for u know what im sayin. so anyway, she was tight & real tasty. she came a few times, but something tasted odd (we were in the dark)

fast foward 30 min. i hear my mom honking outside. we throw on our clothes and i run outside. well come to find out i had popped her cher w/my TOUNGE. no joke. it was absolutely EMBARASSING!! i would have rather had my mom walk in on me fucking. my clothes were soaked, my face looked like blade 4

Donny

---

Oh my God

These stories are hilarious!

these days, the only way I could have a 'disastrous sexual encounter' would be to break my wrist, or sumthin' ... :S2:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Psycho4Bud

Disasterous fuck, how about a drunken one night stand with a person that made you want to cut off your manhood the next morning. I remember in my youth this one "lady", I was awaken by a 300# bundle of delight with a glass eye! DAMN!!!!!!!!

---

:eek: ... DAMN !!! I know her very well, been there, done her ... she even said she'd "keep an eye out for me" ... :S2:

Last saturday i was with my current girlfriend, and while she was tossing me off she flattened one of my balls. I was bent over for half hour. She said shes never seen me in so much pain, and im not surprised.

That probably is the worst thing thats happened to me as far as sex goes. I've been lucky.

Well lets see one of the worst fuck ups for me probs happened about 5 times luckily is when I spend about half an hour having a rock solid hard on during foreplay that when it came to the sex it just wouldnt fucking stay up thats why sometimes the old blue pill does the job haha always makes your sex a hell of a lot better and lasts for a minimum of 3 hours which is good, nothing embarrasing about it its not just for old people and any girl will absolutely fall in love with you for it :).

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cannabis campbell

Well lets see one of the worst fuck ups for me probs happened about 5 times luckily is when I spend about half an hour having a rock solid hard on during foreplay that when it came to the sex it just wouldnt fucking stay up thats why sometimes the old blue pill does the job haha always makes your sex a hell of a lot better and lasts for a minimum of 3 hours which is good, nothing embarrasing about it its not just for old people and any girl will absolutely fall in love with you for it :).

---

I'm starting to concider getting me some. Not that i cant get it up - i just dont seem to be able to last as long as i used to. 20 minute is alot less than what i was capable of before. Maybe i should let her get on top so i dont have to use my brain - the more blood for my cock the better lol.

Lol its not much either £5 for 4 if I remember right and each one lasts about 4 hours quite popular around here most people who sell weed sell that aswell lol.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LIP

Last saturday i was with my current girlfriend, and while she was tossing me off she flattened one of my balls. I was bent over for half hour. She said shes never seen me in so much pain, and im not surprised.

That probably is the worst thing thats happened to me as far as sex goes. I've been lucky.

---

Im guessing tossing me off means, head. here in the states tossing usually refers to tossing the salad(oral anal sex:() but im guessing just a term used differently in england than in the USA. LOL

At first I was really let down by this, I was all confused, i mean LIP the guy with no feminine bone in his body, likes his butt licked..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Blitzed

Im guessing tossing me off means, head. here in the states tossing usually refers to tossing the salad(oral anal sex:() but im guessing just a term used differently in england than in the USA. LOL

At first I was really let down by this, I was all confused, i mean LIP the guy with no feminine bone in his body, likes his butt licked..

---

Oh my fuck no! She was wanking me off - hand job!!

As nice as getting your arse licked sounds, it wont be something i'll ever indulge in.

haha imagine saying that to your girl "why dont you lick my ass?"

"FUCK OFF"

HAHA

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cannabis campbell

haha imagine saying that to your girl "why dont you lick my ass?"

"FUCK OFF"

HAHA

---

Hahaha, i might say that to her tonight, see the reaction on her face before she lunges at me with her claws out ahahaha!

lmao imagine if she said yes :wtf:! what would you do then lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cannabis campbell

lmao imagine if she said yes :wtf:! what would you do then lol

---

I'd be out the door and running down the street faster than she could say "bend over then" hahahaha/

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LIP

I'd be out the door and running down the street faster than she could say "bend over then" hahahaha/

---

You get her down there jackin' the willie when she's "tossing the salad", you'll be in for an unforgetable evening.....HELL YEAH!:thumbsup:

Have a good one!:jointsmile:

So I'm doing this chick doggie style, when all of a sudden I get this godawful stench in my nostrils. It's actually burning my nose like ammonia or something. My eyes are watering and I can feel my nose hairs scorching. We had been doing it in other positions earlier, and I hadn't noticed anything, so I'm not sure if it's just because now I'm basically "staring down the barrel" or if it was just parting the ass cheeks let something out, or maybe she ate two dozen jalapeno poppers earlier and just let fly when I got into position. I don't know.

Anyway, I usually try to make things last, but this time I just start pumping like crazy to get it over with. I'm sure she just thoguht I was really into it becasue I'm going like a jack hammer, and twisting this way and that, and making all these gasping and groaning sounds. But really I'm just trying to get out of the way of the noxious mustard gas fumes wafting up from her ass. For awhile I felt like I was in some kind of survival situation.

So I finally finished and got out of the gas cloud. I never told her that her ass really stunk that day, and we had plenty of good sex before that and after, but man, every time I got behind her after that I had an exit strategy all figured out just in case.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dragonrider

....I'm going like a jack hammer, and twisting this way and that,....
So I finally finished and got out of the gas cloud.

---

Ahh. I see now why you are called Dragon Rider.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dragonrider

So I'm doing this chick doggie style, when all of a sudden I get this godawful stench in my nostrils. It's actually burning my nose like ammonia or something. My eyes are watering and I can feel my nose hairs scorching. We had been doing it in other positions earlier, and I hadn't noticed anything, so I'm not sure if it's just because now I'm basically "staring down the barrel" or if it was just parting the ass cheeks let something out, or maybe she ate two dozen jalapeno poppers earlier and just let fly when I got into position. I don't know.

Anyway, I usually try to make things last, but this time I just start pumping like crazy to get it over with. I'm sure she just thoguht I was really into it becasue I'm going like a jack hammer, and twisting this way and that, and making all these gasping and groaning sounds. But really I'm just trying to get out of the way of the noxious mustard gas fumes wafting up from her ass. For awhile I felt like I was in some kind of survival situation.

So I finally finished and got out of the gas cloud. I never told her that her ass really stunk that day, and we had plenty of good sex before that and after, but man, every time I got behind her after that I had an exit strategy all figured out just in case.

---

LMAO! hahaha

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dragonrider

So I'm doing this chick doggie style, when all of a sudden I get this godawful stench in my nostrils. It's actually burning my nose like ammonia or something. My eyes are watering and I can feel my nose hairs scorching. We had been doing it in other positions earlier, and I hadn't noticed anything, so I'm not sure if it's just because now I'm basically "staring down the barrel" or if it was just parting the ass cheeks let something out, or maybe she ate two dozen jalapeno poppers earlier and just let fly when I got into position. I don't know.

Anyway, I usually try to make things last, but this time I just start pumping like crazy to get it over with. I'm sure she just thoguht I was really into it becasue I'm going like a jack hammer, and twisting this way and that, and making all these gasping and groaning sounds. But really I'm just trying to get out of the way of the noxious mustard gas fumes wafting up from her ass. For awhile I felt like I was in some kind of survival situation.

So I finally finished and got out of the gas cloud. I never told her that her ass really stunk that day, and we had plenty of good sex before that and after, but man, every time I got behind her after that I had an exit strategy all figured out just in case.

---

That story was almost as awesome as the cherry-poppin tongue story. You get rep for that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by couch-potato

No fucking joke man. When you're the first and only kid at school who has their own bong it becomes more than a regular piece. Everyone else I knew loved her too.

---

Dude... my deep condolences... Ive nearly shed a tear upon the breaking of a pivotal pot piece that I personally purchased.

My girlfriend dumped me today, we didn't even get to celebrate our 6 month anniversary. It hurt a lot, I even shed a couple tears from the overwhelming emotion, however, after reasoning, my situaton is so miniscule in comparison to other world issues it seems pointless to get myself down about it. I do think about her a lot still. She said I deserved better, which i did and do to be honest. I won't go into it, what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger though this experianced gained. Today I am a free man, my liberty at its highest. I choose to be alone for now, i shall be back, i shall find love one day...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Reefer Rogue

My girlfriend dumped me today, we didn't even get to celebrate our 6 month anniversary. It hurt a lot, I even shed a couple tears from the overwhelming emotion, however, after reasoning, my situaton is so miniscule in comparison to other world issues it seems pointless to get myself down about it. I do think about her a lot still. She said I deserved better, which i did and do to be honest. I won't go into it, what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger though this experianced gained. Today I am a free man, my liberty at its highest. I choose to be alone for now, i shall be back, i shall find love one day...

---

May the force be with you.

I once snapped a vibe in half in a girls ass.

The first time I fingered a girl she was on the rag.

The second time a fingered a girl she was on the rag.

A girl once left skid marks on my sheets.

'nuff said.

El Fantistico :smokin:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ReUp

May the force be with you.

---

Cheers man, I appreciate it. She replied to my text i sent her earlier that day and then i sent her some long message telling her how i felt about pretty much everything. She seemed to like that tho. Anyway, we're still good friends, i'm hangin out with her today and we're gonna talk about everything.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Reefer Rogue

Cheers man, I appreciate it. She replied to my text i sent her earlier that day and then i sent her some long message telling her how i felt about pretty much everything. She seemed to like that tho. Anyway, we're still good friends, i'm hangin out with her today and we're gonna talk about everything.

---

By talk I certainly hope you mean bone.

I wish my friend, I wish. We talked today, i feel much better, we're still really close, however just friends at this moment in time, or was it many hours of time ago, you see time has changed, times are changing, the time is: Why does it matter? Why must we dictate to time, why me follow these weekdays, wtf is a monday?! Anywho, have a good one, coz i'm blasted lol :stoned:

Legalize the marijuana

YouTube - Peter Tosh 1979-07-16 Pt 7: Bush Doctor

ok heres mine my first time (i was 16) i went to my girlfreinds house now (ex girlfriend) her parents got drunk and ended up going to the store and left us alone (said they trusted us big mistake;)) anyways we end up fucking its my first time and it was pretty good,so as a horny ass teen we took advantage of the little time we had and did the deed and her parents werent gone that long so i dident get to cum so that sucked but at least i hit those right but anyways i go home and the next day she hits me up and i tell her to come over and my parents werent home.so her mom brings her and drops her off and before she does she asks me if my parents are home and i nervously said yes (pressure from my lady not proud of lying) so she believes us and we go in (were lucky cuz they would have usually checked if they were home and they are strict) well i must have been hella desperate cuz i went at it like crazy i was thrusting so hard and fast that i wasint paying attention so it slipped out and i was stilll hard so when i when forward (dident feel it come out) it ramed her in her asshole really hard and she almost started crying and i was really embarassed she told me to check out if she was bleeding and she was. She started trippin out like she needed to get surgery (HAHAHA IT WAS ONLY A SMALL CUT) and then she left and told her older sister thinking that she could give her advice and her sister said if you dont tell mom what happened ima tell her. So she told them and they were cool about it but not happy that i beat those on thier daughter, so they call me over to apologize and i did and told them and that i was sorry for lying to them (it was worth it untill the incident) BLAH BLAH BLAH but then her dad said "Lets talk alone for a sec" and when his wife went inside he told me " i dont blame you at all but dont EVER put ur dick in my daughters ass ever again" hahahahahaha but i said ok cuz dude was like 7 ft tall and i was 6ft and he was an ex chain gang biker dude so i dident want to argue with him.

In like 1974, I graduated high school, I had my own place, a tiny POS trailer on a nice country lot. Of course, it was party central!!
My girlfriends family, at that time, were getting ready to leave the area, and she still had one year left in highschool. Since I had graduated, and lived on my own, they knew, school was important to me, and I would make her finish, and not quit.
They moved away, she moved in.
I was heavy into retail, in those days, and there was always a ton of people around. There was always passed out people around also.
One morning, I'm coming too, very slowly, still happy dazed, and see this shape, in our bed, a girl, Wendy! She is a class mate, and also one of a group of my ladies friends, she has known for a long time. She is awake and looking my way, then as I look over, at my lady, she's awake also...but the way they were laying, was sooo erotic!! I know, something is happening under the blankets. I suggest that Wendy comes up between us. She smiles, and ask what are you after, with her devilish grin? I want to see you kiss her, pointing my lady. I knew my lady had bi thoughts, but never had acted on them. Wendy and her just looked at each other, and I knew it was going to happen!! I'm like 17, have I died and gone to heaven man?!! Had a double attack of morning wood, and fantasy wood all together!!
Wendy scouchees up between us, and I have no idea what to do next, so I reach over for my ladies hand, and lay it on Wendy chest, and massage the back of her hand.
Then I take Wendys hand, and bring it to meet my ladies hand, and the electricity ran thru all of us. We were all like live wires, every touch, burned, scalded your mind, and talk about your senses reeling, it was awsome!!
At one point, I was in the middle, and getting my first dual oral pleasure, first one then the other, then they would kiss, then back to me, as time went on, my orgasm was building, like never before, and I dont remember knowing who was working on me, but I said, IT"S DAMN CLOSE NOW, and the fantastic suction just kept going, and ERUPT I DID!! I had know idea, but it was Wendy, who took it, and it came right back out, almost as fast, what a mood killer!! She had never let a guy finish in her mouth, and wanted to do it, as the passion got the best of her!! Poor girl, got so sick, embaressed, and would not come out of the bathroom, crying for an hour or so.
We all got cleaned up, made some breakfast, and was able to laugh about latter on.
The 3 of us stayed friends for many years, and now all these years latter, it still was an amazing time, that went south at the very end, so still a great time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by O. G. ganja smoker

" i dont blame you at all but dont EVER put ur dick in my daughters ass ever again" .

---

Hilarious! Hahahahahaha!

Now son, I'm cool with everything, but just keep your dick out of my daughter's ass from now on! Hahahahaha!

It's all fun and games until someone tears an asshole!

1. couldn't keep it up while sober (has only happened once sober). i blame it on the weird noises the chick was making when it was barely in. (it was kind of a weird "oi" sound like a piglett)
2. couldn't get it up while stoned (the first and only time i will ever try to have sex while blazed)
3. ate out my girlfriend for a while in the shower. the lights were really dim and it was at night. started tasting like raw steak. it finally hit me that i had been lapping up period blood. from that day forward, i have NEVER given a girl oral. f#$%in repulsive.
4. tried anal. poop on dick. eww.
5. tried anal again. no poo, but odor persisted. eww.
6. tried to titfuck. it sucked. it looks way better than it feels. maybe it would feel better on real giant tits, but these ones were implants, so it was like trying to fuck two balloons.

and then numerous other times where the smelly vag killed the mood

you'd be amazed at how many hot chicks take horrible care of their beavers.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dragonrider

So I'm doing this chick doggie style, when all of a sudden I get this godawful stench in my nostrils. It's actually burning my nose like ammonia or something. My eyes are watering and I can feel my nose hairs scorching. We had been doing it in other positions earlier, and I hadn't noticed anything, so I'm not sure if it's just because now I'm basically "staring down the barrel" or if it was just parting the ass cheeks let something out, or maybe she ate two dozen jalapeno poppers earlier and just let fly when I got into position. I don't know.

Anyway, I usually try to make things last, but this time I just start pumping like crazy to get it over with. I'm sure she just thoguht I was really into it becasue I'm going like a jack hammer, and twisting this way and that, and making all these gasping and groaning sounds. But really I'm just trying to get out of the way of the noxious mustard gas fumes wafting up from her ass. For awhile I felt like I was in some kind of survival situation.

So I finally finished and got out of the gas cloud. I never told her that her ass really stunk that day, and we had plenty of good sex before that and after, but man, every time I got behind her after that I had an exit strategy all figured out just in case.

---

this story nearly made me cry laughing LMFAO