not as crazy about sex as I am?

i think it is so sad that so many people (mainly women) are raised to think sex is such a horrible thing. i could go on and on about this, but really all that needs to be said is that it's sad, and a lot of problems (and divorces) could be avoided in society if everyone had real knowledge about sex, and an unbiased view of it.

ps: that book I mentioned before, Sex for One, would be super beneficial in your case, I am sure of it. It's a really interesting read just for the woman's stories alone, but the discussions of sex-repressed women are totally...eye-opening and special.

I don't know anything about the book in question, but I feel that she might be more comfortable sexually if she gave it a little "me" time. It's my guess that she probably hasn't experienced a whole lot in the way of masturbation. One of the best ways to figure out what you like sexually is to figure it out for yourself, get comfortable with sexuality and what your body does on your own, and then share those discoveries once she feels comfortable with them on her own. That way, there's no intimidation, there's no pressure. If she's comfortable with her sexuality when alone, she'll probably be a lot more comfortable sharing that sexuality with someone else.

Girls are raised not to masturbate, while boys are raised being told it's normal. I think it might be a helpful thing to encourage.

^^^Exactly. That's what the book talks about. It talks about the stigma masturbation has with women; and the last chapter is all about "how" to masturbate, tips, etc. The stories of women whose sex lives have been 'saved' by masturbation are invaluable.

I love sex and my gf loves sex, so I think I lucked out in that department

Okay... My two cents. And I'm a therapist, so it might be a nickel. *wink*

I say ignore the people who are telling you to give up... If that time comes, you will know it!

And scrap the idea of adult videos. If she is inhibited about sex, they will probably just make it worse!

You said that everything else is good. And clearly you and your ladyfair have the emotional intimacy to be able to talk about this. The two of you can work this out. (That's not a guarantee that you will, but it can be done.)

Seeing a therapist would be the best thing, but in lieu of that...

Begin by explaining to her that a healthy sex life is an important part of your way of expressing your love for her. Tell her that you love her, and that you want to find a way to work through the differences the two of you have in this area, because it is important to your relationship. Be clearr that "working this out" does NOT mean that she must come up to your sexual interest level... But that the two of you find a path together.

Your girlfriend needs to be comfortable with her body before she can be comfortable with sex. This is something she has to come to in her own time, but you can help. Set yourself a timetable - say, 6 months. During this time, drop all pressure about sex with her. Even the subtle sighs when you have to go unsatisfied. Concentrate on boosting her self-esteem. Every day, find something to say to her that compliments her. Sometimes it can be physical... But try to refrain from making it overtly sexual. Maybe she has beautiful hands or eyes. Maybe her new haircut shows her lovely neck. She needs to hear these things. And she needs to hear the things you love about her that have nothing to do with sex. Commit to complimenting her in some way every day, without any intention to try to escalate it into sex. This will go a long way toward helping her feel loved, appreciated, safe, and accepted by you.

When you are a month or two in to this committment, let her know that you are going to let her set the pace in regards to your physical relationship. Tell her that you are taking sex completely off the table for X amount of time. Once she knows that you intend NOT to have sex with her, the pressure will be off, and she may be able to open up to physical expression at her own pace.

Talk together about ways you can be physical without intercourse or oral sex for awhile. Make some sensual but not sexual suggestions:

Would she like you to draw her a bubble bath (add rose petals, candles, champagne)? Once she is in the tub, comfortably covered with bubbles, you could sit beside the tub and wash her hair, her back, or shave her legs for her. Leave before she is ready to get out to let her know that her sense of privacy is respected.

Ask if she'd be comfortable with massage... If so, have the bedroom ready -candles, music, and a massage oil in a scent you know she likes - raspberries, whatever. She can strip down to her panties before you come in, lay face down, and you can come in and give her a massage, remembering to compliment her. Beautiful skin, gorgeous legs, pretty toes, maybe you love the small of her back, etc. Again, leave before she gets up... Maybe leave a pretty new nightie for her to put on. If she likes this idea, make it a weekly ritual, but each week, add something new. One of those little wooden massage thingies. A feather. Something cold. A massage oil that heats up. Maybe, in time, even a vibrating massager... Get one that does NOT look phallic, and then leave it with her in case she gets the urge to experiement when she is alone! Encourage her to make suggestions, and to tell you what she likes & what feels good. When she does, always be completely accepting, and always remember! Take notes if you have to - She might giggle, but she will appreciate it!

Laughter is an excellent un-represser. Don't be afraid to joke! and let yourself be foolish from time to time during these encounters - This is a way of being vulnerable to her. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to her in this way (and others - tell her your most embarrassing high school moment, or about the time you were most afraid in your life) will make her more comfortable being vulnerable to you.

Doing things like this will boost her comfort with her own sensuality, and her comfort being physical with you. It will teach her how to talk about what she likes and what feels good, and show her that you are going to respect that.

Small steps... See how it goes. You can undue the repression she has learned... You just have to take it slow, and be incredibly patient.

Best wishes to you!

P.S. In case she does not feel comfortable making suggestions for what to use during massage, or saying what she liked best, have a basket for this purpose. If Friday night is Massage Night, leave the empty basket on the bed in the morning, and ask her to put in it the things you should use during that evening's massage. This way she doesn't have to SAY it, but she can still make her preferences known. Again, baby steps...

Any progress here?