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I'm also sorry I'm being pretty dumb on this subject, I have only had 3 other boyfriends in the past and they were really long relationships where I had no problem telling them anything. And when we broke up it was mutual. (except one it was like 2 months and it was sort of like this but a really long time ago.)
420misshightimes420 - thanks for explaining that you don't have a car, that he would have to drive a bit to see you, and that you don't want to break up and then just send him on his way, or chill afterwards. completely understandable. i didn't know that, but knowing that now, yes, breaking up on the phone would be the best way to do it. especially with the little bit of distance he would have to drive, that would just be really really shitty to do that to him, even if he has treated you like shit in the past.
i'm really glad that you realize now how it affects other people, and even though you were thoughtless with your actions, now you know, and will hopefully avoid cheating in the future :) (i know that you said you would, i'm just emphasizing the fact)
yes, i think you should bring up other things that have gone wrong in the relationship - that way, whether or not he takes it well, he will hopefully at least hear it, and maybe think about it later, and try to correct some of his behavior. no one deserves to be treated like shit - along with being cheated on, i've also been treated like shit in most relationships i've been in, once again that's because of how passive i am, i suppose.
if you can't be your true self around the person you are in a relationship with...then...i don't really think it's much of a relationship. for a serious long term relationship to work out, each person much respect and love the other for who they are. you shouldn't feel uncomfortable, or feel as though you can't be yourself around whoever you're in a relationship with. i don't know how old you are, so maybe you don't want to look for a serious relationship right now, sometimes it's good to take a break and just casually date someone for awhile. but if you do that, you need to make sure the other person understands it's just casual, in order to prevent future heartache with that casual relationship. misconceptions and misunderstandings in a relationship can be a bitch and cause things to fall apart. again, i don't know how old you are, so i don't know how serious of a relationship you actually want to be in right now. no worries though, everyone takes things at a different rate :)
and no, you're not being dumb about things lol, you just don't have too too much experience with it, that's fine. as you get older and mature more (i'm not saying you're totally immature, what i'm saying goes for anyone, including myself), and get more experience, you'll start to understand things a bit better.
i'm really glad that i could help you out, and that you realize the severity of what you did and how it can hurt someone. i'm glad that others can learn from my experiences, because i feel like that adds to the silver lining - me never cheating on anyone ever because i know how it feels, repeatedly, and that someone else could benefit from what i've been through.
just be more sensitive to how that can affect other people, and things will be fine :)
*no worries about the length of your response to me, my first post was much much longer lol, and this one is rather long too. i tend to ramble and overemphasize things*
***edit: also, surreys princess is very wise, she knows what she's talking about with this as well :) she has helped me through a ton of shit, not just concerning relationships, but also just with my life in general
I would never cheat on my girlfriend. What you did to your boyfriend was immoral imo.
your just trying to find excuses, if my girl came home and told me a tale like that it would be over, but then again im the jealous type
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Originally Posted by 420MissHighTimes420
You are correct, cheating is the result of when you are lacking something from your current relationship as you have just said yourself.Quote:
Originally Posted by 420MissHighTimes420
Nothing "leads to another" like that, I have never been so drunk, and then all of a sudden found myself sucking off one of my guy friends, so stop using the "we were drinking" excuse! Just admit it, you wanted to bang, sugar coating it with a lie is fine with your friends, but this is the internet, be honest!Quote:
Originally Posted by 420MissHighTimes420
Here is my take on cheating, it is okay if you don't care about your current relationship. Most young people are in relationships because they are insecure to be single, so therefor when the temptation comes to cheat they almost always take it. That doesn't mean you don't care for you're boyfriend, it just means you are too young for a serious relationship. This is why in a perfect world people would stay single until they are 24 or older, and up until then have as much fun as you want. There is no reason you need to pretend to be in a serious relationship before that time, because nobody is mature enough to really be in a serious relationship. And even if you are mature enough, it isn't healthy because later in life you might wonder what you missed out on...and then end up being the 30 year old that bangs the neighbor while your hubby is on a fishing trip.
You can try to justify cheating all you want, but the reality is that if you told your b/f it would probably crush him. If you told him the same lie you tell yourself to justify cheating, would he would feel just as okay about it as you do? If he doesn't care about you fucking other guys then there really is no problem with cheating, but then it wouldn't be cheating because you would be honest, but you see, if you aren't being honest, then you don't have a solid relationship, and if you don't have a solid relationship, maybe you should just be single?
^^Your right, thereis no justifying it. I shouldnt have said the drinking thing because I hate when people use that as an excuse, it jsut made it easier to cheat on him. I shouldnt have been at this kids in the first place, nor should have taken those shots, but I'm honestly glad it happened because I really really dont like my boyfriend the more I think about it.
(sorry, my previous post was a bit premature, but I'll leave it because I think I had some decent advice for others in similar situations)
You don't need to explain anything to him, if you are unhappy in the relationship all you gotta say is you are unhappy and its over. You could bring up some of that other stuff you didn't like, but don't let that phone call turn into a 3 hour debate over who was worst in the relationship, because he will most likely try to expose your own dirt and make you feel bad...which is why I would just say keep it simple and don't get into details.Quote:
Originally Posted by 420MissHighTimes420
I also don't see a problem with breaking up over the phone, I've had friends that found out their girl was cheating on them while fighting in a fucking war in Iraq, so to me a phone call doesn't seem that bad at all compared to the hell they went through. Personally, I would go for in person in a public place like a coffee shop, but just make sure you drive in separate cars if you do that ;)
Also, stop being so hard on yourself, people cheat all the time and even though some people will try to make you feel like you are satan incarnate, most people have done it from time to time so don't be so down on yourself, just be smarter next time and don't put yourself in a position where you will cheat, IE stay single and just date around! My advice is to date as often as you can and don't let things get serious, just have fun and stay protected. Take some courses in Leykis 101 and you will be on the road to a much happier lifestyle ;)
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Originally Posted by Nailhead
I think you just helped me with my problem.. thnx... Good advice by the way.. I was going to start a thread but no need now.
dont beat urself up over this... it happens.. Don't worry their is alot of people in this world :-). And cheating when you have already lost all concept of your boyfriend, and your completely unhappy with him and don't look at him the same, i wouldn't call it cheating...
I would definitely see something wrong in cheating on a spouse...but a boy/girlfriend...ehhh...it happens. Then again, it depends on the relationship. I don't think there's anything 'wrong' about it persay, but it's just not really a nice thing to do lol. But fuck it, it happens...I wouldn't get all bent out of shape about it...just move on and maybe keep it on the DL lol.
I've thought on cheating on my girlfriend because sometimes I don't think she's affectionate enough (and being that she's living in Louissiana with her parents... the physical part of it is quite lacking). However, instead of turning to other women I decided to smoke and meditate. It was in the middle of a trip induced by green and shrooms that I realized I was just insecure and paranoid, and that I wanted attention like some kind of pup.
I thought about it long and hard and personally, I think cheating is a dispicable thing to do. If you're gonna cheat, you may as well break up with the person you're cheating on because something obviously isn't right.
As for me? I spent some time alone and realized that I was pretty damn happy with my girl, and I wasn't about to ruin that for sex. :jointsmile:
As for the OP, good luck!