jesus fuckin' christ...Quote:
Originally Posted by MastaChronic
Printable View
jesus fuckin' christ...Quote:
Originally Posted by MastaChronic
When our daughter was born my wife breastfed. One thing that's definitely cool about this is that she went up 2 cup sizes c:D The obvious reason they go up 2 cup sizes is that they are full of milk. Anyhow, the first time we had sex after she gave birth my wife was prettty "full". So there I was, happily going at it for the first time in a couple months, when all of a sudden she sprung a leak and this little stream of milk literally comes shooting like a foot out, spraying me right in the face.
that must have been some surprise lol
wow... you may be the only strait guy that knows what its like to be shot in the face with a white substance from the private parts of some ones body, i dont think i would blow it on my girls face after that....(i dont uasly blow it in there face unless they are whores.... or if they ask... or if we arent realy daiting, and arent trying to be romantic.... actualy.... were am i sapost to blow a load if im trying to be romantic????)Quote:
Originally Posted by Fengzi
i think boobs might be acceptable
One time my ex girlfriend and i were in bed and she was talking to her mom on the phone. While she was doing this i proceeded to finger her. It was funny watching her try not to moan but she laughed about it afterwards:thumbsup:
hey.... something like that has happend... my ex was talking on the phone with some guy, and so i unzpped my pants, and pulled out my penis, and i moved one of her hands to it, and she just started jerking me off.... ahh that was funny....Quote:
Originally Posted by JazzNKB
I did that once. She would just stop talking all of a sudden and I'd hear her mom be like "Nikki! Are you still there?". She'd have the cutest facial expression. Man those were good times.:pQuote:
Originally Posted by JazzNKB
Once blew my load in my g/f's face in the shower and she laughed.
:p
rofl
your my hero Ol Schwaggy Bastard lol
The bellys always fun, usually hits the tits too, and doesn't require squirming up to your knees with your pecker in your hand like a jackass.:thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by partyguy420
here's a new one, although it's sorta embarrassing (but still really funny). two weeks ago, my friends and i were all partying for my birthday and my bf got really drunk. we left the party early because he had had too much and he wanted to go have drunk sex. little did i know how it would turn out...
sooo we are going at it, he is taking forever cause he is so drunk and im tired so i told him i wanted to stop. we compromised, so i started giving him a handjob but eventually he took the reins. next thing i know my entire face and chest is COVERED in cum!!!!! i didnt see it coming AT ALL, and neither did he apparently. i woke up the next morning with my eyes practically crusted shut. gross i know...but i hope someone finds some humor in it. lol.
thats gross dutch lover... i did that to my ex one time to...
haha well he didnt mean to... it was really nasty at the time but i cant help but laugh my ass off whenever i think about it now
i dont think i ment to either... we were both piss drunk...
funniest thing ever was getting head from my ex gf and i kinda humped my dick forward and gagged her, and she barfed on a towel that i was gonna bust on. It wasnt very funny, i kinda felt bad bc i did it to her but not on purpose. but we both laughed it off
my ex's autistic little brother walked in on us once, but i guess that's more awkward than funny..
i guess it depends on what he did when he walked in. lol.
LOL HAHAHAHAHQuote:
Originally Posted by dutch.lover
start hearing heavy breathing.....
*fwap fwap fwap*
oh this is a funny thread...ok I have one that was pretty embarrassing.
My husband was coming home early so I showered "powdered" and prepared for some afternoon delight. We were just getting started with a little 69 foreplay when there was a loud knock at the door. So my hubby threw on his jeans and ran to answer the door (the knock sounded urgent) I heard some other voices then heard him say look I'm really busy....
By this time I am sitting up in bed with the light on waiting for him to return.
When he walks through the door all pissed off because it was just Jehovah's witnesses I laughed my ass off....all over his face and around his mouth was my baby powder! I guess I had used too much :D It was pretty funny.
Those Jehovah's witnesses drive me crazy. I don't mean to insult anyone; but it doesn't matter what group of people come knocking on my door, if it is frequent and they are trying to pressure me into something, i am going to be annoyed. Anyways, I hope to get this thread lifted off the ground again- it could provide mucho entertainment
is this true for most guys i wonder?Quote:
Originally Posted by partyguy420
ok and as a funny story ... once back in like 9th grade i had just finished havingsex with my boyfriend and we hadn't used a condom at the time .. coz i was dumb and he pulled out and i thought he just nutted on my bed so we got up and got dressed. we went over to my friends where they all proceeded to point and laugh at the big wad of cum that was on the bottom of my pants. oops. i tried saying it was icing.... didn't work
when i was a youngster i was at a house party
and i was wasted. i couldnt even see.
i dont know how it happened but i ended up with some chick
in the room.it was dark and i remember her breath smelled liek beers
i was rubbing her breasts and kissing her neck and soon enough
i was hitting that shit.all of a sudden the lights turn on and like
12 people are laughing and yelling and shit
i barely even noticed and i kept on trying to hit but the girl took off
the next day when i seen myself on video i tripped out
i couldnt belive that was me
i was seriously wasted and i dont even remeber her face or who she was
Nice, very nice!Quote:
Originally Posted by friendowl
Like 2 months ago my gf started sucking me off, i was around to bust so she stoped sucking, and when i busted it went in her nose,
also i once busted on my face on accident, i get some distance.
My ex-girlfriend and I went to the park one evening. Found a secluded spot under some trees, bushes, et.c. Started going at it...she was wearing a dress with nothing underneath, so easy access.
Anyway, a few minutes later, a dog that was being walked off leash turns up and just looked at us with his tongue hangin out.
Both of us just froze till he went away to his owner and then laughed our asses off, and carried on. Outdoors sex is brilliant, except for the mosquitos!
expect for fucking right?Quote:
Originally Posted by B u M b L ee K y
I was kicked out of my house for banging the foreign exchange student living with us. My little sister walked in on us and ratted me out.
Another time though, I was getting this super BJ. I must of really gotten into it cause the next thing I knew, I let out this MONSTROUS fart. No joke, it went on for like 10 seconds. Never laughed so hard in my life.
^haha that's terrible, but that's what happens when u relax.
Woot, I had reply #69.
Uhh, it was dark and I made out with a girls face before... like completely missing the mouth. It was really funny.
IMO the 'poop chute' is a little tighter on some girls, so yeah, sometimes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shannon
ok... so i've had sex with a friend of mine a number of times... at first i had never seen him naked, it was always dark, or we were drunk.
one day, we were talking, and i brought up circumcisions, and he said he was glad he didnt get cut.
later on, i believe it was that day, i was giving him head, and realized he was cut, so i have him this real sarcastic look, and said "i thought you werent circumcised" and he was all shocked "im not!".
ahh it still cracks me up that he didnt know what a circumcision was, even after i explained it to him that it was the removal of extra skin that folds over the head!!! XD
he's so dumb sometimes...
this happened a couple years ago.
ive known my friend for a while, since elementary school and were seniors now, and his sister has always been a bitch to us. she was a couple years older and as i got older i noticed she was pretty hot, but as i guess i 'developed' she kinda took a small interest in me yet she was still bitchy. one day i was helping him with some work around his house and she was just trying to boss us around and later that night, after a few bowls, i jokingly said 'dude, id like to bust if your sisters face, then take a picture. then shed stop being such a complete psycho.' my friend was like 'haha, yeah, go for it.'
well what started off as a joke eventually turned into reality, and i grabbed my little digital out of my pants and snapped a picture of her most glorious hour. later i emailed her the pic with 'ploosh' written on the bottom. now whenever i see her, i mutter 'ploosh' and she angriliy stomps out of the room, while i cant help but smile from ear to ear.
haha dude, that's crazy.
...i was at some pissey little airport that only had one bathroom...and REALLY needed to rub one out
it was a unisex bathroom and a nun caught me wanking
quite traumatizing to both of us
This thread was awesome so I guess I'll add to it.
My friend brought this chick back to his apartment where I was staying. She seemed like a nice girl and goddamn was she hot. Me and another friend who were not with the chick were just smoking a few bowls and playing Halo if I recall. Finally the chick and my friend walk into his room.
then it got crazy. What I thought to be a nice chick was actually one of the loudest and dirtiest talkers I had ever heard. It was funny as hell at first but after a while a chick yelling "beat my pussy up" gets pretty annoying. So I crack the door and tell her to keep it down because we are trying to chill. She never does shut up and they go on for about an hour and finally it stops and she gets in the shower.
Well I'm sleeping on the couch and wake up to this chicks face looking right up close to me. In about five minutes she has pretty much offered her body to me. Meh, why not, but the issue was that everyone else was asleep. But they are my friends and I made her promise me she wouldnt be loud. So we band for a good half hour and as shes cumming she just yells loud as fuck "FUUUUUCK MEEEEEEE."
My friends proceed to walk out and laugh their asses off. She didn't even get embarassed just pulled me closer. Needless to say she stayed many more nights at the apartment.
I was jackin off, and lets just say some of my keys are still a little hard to press down.
hhahhaha oh man I don't know if my story should go under FUNNY or incredibly disgusting and gross that no one should ever have to learn about.
Anyway...it all started one night after a long night of drinking at the bars...(I'm sure you can tell where this is going...)...
...anyway...as always...we decided to have a little drunken sex. My boyfriend however is obviously unaware of how trashed I am...and I am too, obviously.
So anyway..I end up puking while were having sex...all over the bed and stuff...and being the nice boyfriend that he is, he drags me to the shower...
...proceeds to wash and condition my hair, all the while here I am sitting on the floor of the shower flailing my body around unable to keep my balance..
....Unable to keep me stable my boyfriend has this brilliant idea, that since I am kneeling on the floor and he is standing trying to wash me...that he decides it would be a good idea if I were to use his penis for leverage. SO he tells me to "JUST hold onto my penis!"...haha.
I wake up the next morning with different sheets on the bed...a bowl of dried puke next to the bed...multiple towels....and my hair is in near dread locks.
I honestly woke up having no recollection that any of that had happend the previous night...
hahhahah....