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I feel for you FunkyMonkey
Me and my bf have serious issues, and now we have both realized the wrong we've done to each other, so now we are in the process of making it work
You said it best
Love/Relationships are like an infant
If you don't take care of it, it will die
Lou, I'm old enough to be your mom, if not your granny. Cannabis rarely affects the libido in a negative fashion. Most people get horny, to put it bluntly. Actually, tobacco is much more of a problem in that department. Tobacco reduces the level of male hormones, causes impotence and lowers the sex drive. Read it for yourself!
http://66.218.69.11/search/cache?p=t...icp=1&.intl=us
Another thing is to tell him to get sativas, not indicas (which are the more common variety). Sativas have a more energetic high, while indicas make you want to watch TV (or sleep). Sweetie, he will NOT give up pot, not even for you! I've been trying to get my man to quit tobacco for 40 years! He doesn't smoke 2 packs a day like he used to, but he still smokes. You might want to try smoking pot (my observation is that user/nonuser relationships do not last-sorry). It has been shown to take care of monthly cramps- for that alone, it should be legal! You say you didn't get much of an effect when you tried it. That is fairly common. Give it a try again. Since you have the will power to quit tobacco, if you decide you don't like pot, you can quit. Pot is FAR less addicting than tobacco. Now, run along, get stoned and go dancing with him and have a nice time. :thumbsup:
Also, on the subject of getting him a sativa strain, a vaporizer would help as well. The other chemicals that are left in the vaporized marijuana tend to be the source of dreamy, lazy highs, while the vaporized onces (mainly thc) tend to be the more uplifting. It would go well with the plan to change his strain.
Good luck.
if he truly loves you hell do anything so yes hell quit , if he truly loves you
I used to be a complete fucking bum. I dropped out of school, I woke up later and later every day, I lost half my friends and almost a year of education. BUT I changed my life because I WANTED to. He has to WANT to, not just think quitting will change his life. Because now, I've made up all my school work and my life is completely on track agian (obviously JUST school didn't fix it but rather everything that was making me feel negative). Yet in the midst of the success I still smoke pot, more then ever.
Smoke a joinT.... you will feel better!
I ve been bonging for 15+ years, my girl haas been with me for 10 of those years ,somtimes she gets pissed if im too wasted so i agree to chill on those days .But she accepts my habit mostly and lets me bong on . I have friends who have to hide it frm their gf cause they hate it so much,guess im lucky to have an understanding girl.
go away somewhere where he will be active and busy but not be able to smoke. A break from weed would probably help him get everything in perspective, especially if hes bored and fed up.
Are you sure he is 100% comfortable with you being around him while he is high?
You say his girlfriends in the past gave him a hard time about it? If a smoker gets bad vibes from non high people when he/she is high, sometimes that can make them uncomfortable around non high people. There might be leftovers in his subconscious that send him the message "don't get high in front of the GF!".
Even though he knows you are ok with it, the subconscious is a powerfull thing. He might just be feeling awkward because he knows he is high and you are not. He might be thinking things like "she is pist or disappointed in me". Even if he doesn't admit it, these feelings could be happening.
I know when I am high and around people who had a problem with weed in the past, (like bosses), and I am around new people who don't mind (like my new boss), I still get that leftoever feeling of "Are they pissed at me?"
It is not always rational, but when your high, rationality takes a back seat to emotions. Sometimes this creates paranoia. I blame the Governments of the countries that made marijuana illegal. It created a whole stigma.
You are genius, Graph. Please may I signature-quote you? See how nice it looks!Quote:
Originally Posted by graph
I love a doobie last thing at night. It cosifies the world, and makes me feel all swirly.Quote:
Originally Posted by graph
[quote=graph]Nope. You can never quit. Marijuana is more addictive than cocaine and heroin put together, or as I like to call it, coceroin.
[QUOTE]
Thats some funny shit
hes got problems and hes stressed thats why hes smoking cannabis. Cannabis was not the source of it alone
Well I guess I'll be the only one here to admit that weed can in fact be a problem, and it would not necessarily be a bad idea for him to quit.
Speculation as to underlying causes of these problems is relevant. They might go alot deeper than just weed, but smoking can only excacerbate them. Of course it can be addictive, of course you can get a weed hangover, of course it can undermine motivation. Just because many of us may or may not experience any or all of these negatives does not mean they not a reality for some smokers. We don't know the whole story, we don't know how much he's smoking, we don't know what else is going on in their lives, don't know the guy. And I for one won't pretend to. It ultimately might be a good idea to quit, but if so, it's going to be HIM deciding it, and no amount of work by his gf is going to convince him (beyond initial efforts or just).
I have had some wonderful advice on here from you all and I am truly thankful for that.
He's had a few smoke free days which were wonderful and he said he felt on top of the world. Then his mates asked him out so we have agreed that he's not going to quit, but will make it a habit he only does with his mates. That way there is less stress on us.
He can go out as often as he wants.........if that means I only see him once a week (when he's not stoned) then so be it. Cos when he is stoned he pushes me away. End of.
I guess the weed will effect everybody differently but either he's a great actor or it does kill his libido.........as when he hasn't smoked he's so HOT!
If I were to email this link to him for him to read.........what advice would you give him? Of the serious sort, not "try some coke" or whatever!
Thanks for all your positive views, and even those not so positive, I really appreciate the honesty. Obviously I care about him else I wouldn't have gone to all this effort to get educated and try to understand his point!
I know loads of you have said it seems like he doesn't care...........but I want to work at this relationship, as he is all I've waited for.......and he says the same of me. So, if that means we spend a few nights a week apart, while he is getting in a mess (and would only be hurting me if he's here) and I can enjoy the other times we are together, then it's my problem to work at dealing with that and not allowing it to be a problem.
However, if I see less and less effort coming from him then maybe you are right, and I should quit the relationship. I can't hold it together single handedly. I do feel it is worth trying to work at for a while longer, else I will look back at something I have thrown away without a second glance, and have so many regrets about a wonderful guy who just needs to get his head together.................
graph this is wonderful... im sig'ing it... it rlly is true and explains everythingQuote:
Originally Posted by graph
Hey,
I rekon your boyfreidn is using weed as a way to deal with certain pressures, speak to him find out whats on his mind. Anxeity is a huge libido problem so he might be smoking to rid his anxiety which i wouldnt say is using weed but abusing it.
Weed aint a miracle drug it wont get rid of your problem no drug will, only YOU can.
Limit his smoking, a very good thing to do would be make a cut off time like he can't smoke till 6pm. Cos if he's waking up and smoking then he's probly gonna spend the rest of the day monged out on your sofa.
Do something differant with him every week, go away together, find a mutual hobbie you BOTH enjoy!
Let us know how things go thought,
All the best
Thanks for all of the positivety I have had here. As you asked to let us know how things are going, I will send this post as the latest update.............
I am emailing my boyfriend the link to this thread and going to let him read and digest. This is at the risk of loosing him forever.....he may think that I shouldn't vent this in public. I think that I am trying to gain some knowledge on a subject I am very naive about. Trying to understand some of the difficulties he may be facing with trying to quit. Trying to understand why he puts this addiction before me time and time again.
We are right at the point of breaking. He broke my heart again tonight by going AWOL ...........not just my heart, but my children's too who miss him. They were looking forward to telling him about thier first day back at school.
I have to draw a line somewhere and decide that I will not allow myself to be treated as second best 90% of the time. How will I ever know if he really wants me when he puts his addiction before me so often? I deserve the man who I fell in love with.........so I will write this......
Babe, you came into my life which was already wonderful........you put the icing on top of the cake. My world was complete.......my soul mate, my lover, my best friend.
Then it almost came crashing down when you told me about the pot. But I knew there were worse things you could do and I decided to support you in the best way I could, by enhancing the life you wanted; with me and the pot.
But time and again you let me down.........I deserve more.
You say it's ruining your life, that you don't want to loose me, you don't want to be depressed anymore. Then TAKE control. Do something. I will support you 100% . I promise......
What about the plans we had??? Is it worth throwing it all away?
"If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world"
I'm fed up of constantly watching for your car to pull up. If you want me, you will be with me. Full stop.
I love you more than I have loved anyone. But my feelings don't count,. I have to put the children first always......and I am turning into someone who's getting depressed and loosing a grip on life. My friends are fed up with me being miserable. Just a few short weeks ago you made me so happy. YOU did.
I have to get my life back. I have to get ME back. I wish I could make you come back babe but only you can do that. Only you can get your life back on track. Only you.
Pot doesn't ruin everyone's lives. Most of your friends are still decent and keep thier wives happy.
Always.......................xx
Again, thanks to everyone who has contributed in a positive way to this post. Even though some of you have said "dump him he's a loser" I still appreciate the time and effort you have taken.
I don't want to give up on this wonderful man as he does have so much to offer when he isn't stoned. Even if we do end up going our seperate ways, I will always treasure the wonderful time we have had together and hold it close to my heart as those good times could not be topped.
He really is an amazing guy and one who I really was hoping to spend the rest of my life with.......until my dying day
Hey, thanks for sharing. I was just wondering how things were going with you.
It is too bad to hear that things are not as wonderful as you might have hoped, and obviosly tried to reach. Coming on here to ask for our input is not a betrayal of his trust that should upset him. Rather, it is a positive effort to seek some understanding and knowledge to help you both.
And, were annonymous. A safe place to try to work out a problem.
I respect what you did.
Hopefully he will see it the same way. If not then I would suspect he is not as motivated as you to find some balance in your relationship.
Somehow I missed that there were children involved. This amplifies things quite a bit.
My opinion: As a parent or step parent one cannot be emotionally unavaillable to kids. And as a mother you cannot allow a man in their lives who is. Those kids have to view this man as a wonderful dad or you fail partially as a mother since you chose this man as thier "new daddy" .
If your relationship with him is causing you to be emotionally strained to the point your friends notice a change in you... you can be positive your kids pick up on it more. This is not fair to them.
Please remember my previous posts on this so you know where I am comming from. Im not one who said to dump him etc.
But, with kids involved the pressure for him to make a change and you to make a decision is much greater.
A half assed effort is , in my opinion, simply not acceptable for the children. I feel pretty strongly about things where kids are concerned.
I know first hand what it is like for a child to be raised in a home with an emotionally unavaillable and unreliable step father. Especially for a boy. That is how I grew up. And I am left with some strong resentments for the man, and for my mother for not providing a better father figure simply because she always felt that just around the corner things will get better. 15 years was waaay too long to hang on, and waaay too long to get a fuckin clue.
You said your kids are always #1. I hope they feel that way.
peace, and good luck.
Not sure what you're trying to say but it's wrong in any case. Caffeine is terribly addictive, weed isn't.Quote:
Originally Posted by Billionfold
Regarding the whole weed, libido thing, getting high always made me horny as hell. But, that was when I was high. If I've been out smoking with the boys all day, especially if it was something that was predominantly indica, I'd be burnt at the end of the day and would just want to crash on the couch and watch tv.
Anyhow, since you say this has only been going on for two weeks it sounds like there's more than meets the eye. One doesn't simply become a weed junkie and ruin his life like that. Somethings going on in his life that you're not aware of. Try to get to the bottom of it and, depending on what it is, be there for him or dump him because of it.
Thank you so much.............that really meant so much more than you could imagine. And I know my BF will agree with what you are saying.
Again, thank you
I should have quoted, that message was for Funky monkey, but thank you to the person above me too !! <feels like I'm digging a hole> lol
Can he quit?
No one can truely answer that question better than your boyfriend. When you highly abuse cannabis, Like I do. Sure it can and prolly sooner or later will post some minor and even major socal problems in your life. But once you get high and experience the pleasures that cannabis induces on your mind and body. It's like sex, Sure you can live without it but why would you want too?
Maybe some posters could help me out here. It opens your mind to the world. You start to understand. You feel no pain. You feel peace with the world. It's really a nice little life tool to use but not abuse.
Except your man for the patch he chooses or reject your man. And move on.
Ahh, ok. I was looking at it from the other side. I stopped smoking weed for 5 years, quit smoking cigs altogether, but just can't seem to stay out of Starbucks despite the fact that the doc has me on meds for high blood pressure :(Quote:
Originally Posted by Billionfold
Quote:
Originally Posted by LazySmoking420
Please remember that it's not all good............sure it makes a cloud in the sky look sharp, the sky more blue, the music more soulful, sex (apparently) more intense...........but admit the comedown. Would you rather feel fantastic all the time? Of course, so you either smoke all the time, or accept the negative comedown............he has decided to smoke all the time. And doesn't want to. Like you said, not to be abused. Yet lots do abuse and it's spoling their time on earth. Remeber those people. We are not alive for long. And it's our only life..........no good wasting any time at all. One day wasted will be a regret when you only have 2 hours to live. Probably doesn't make sense but thanks for letting me vent xx
Fed up with it, ruining your lives, wants to quit. What is he smoking crack? No offence, but I never met anyone that smokes marijuana in your situation. Not saying it isnt possible but, ya know.Quote:
Originally Posted by boogabubbalou
Point well taken. And I'm glad I'm not to the point of having to be high all the time. If I was I'd prolly have to stop aswell. I wish you good luck with you and your boyfriend. Try not to judge him threw his battles to quit.Quote:
Originally Posted by boogabubbalou
Let him have his "one last dance with mary jane to kill the pain."
I do believe that some people were not cut out to live on this plant called earth. Reality.
After 17 years of smoking herb his problemsQuote:
Originally Posted by boogabubbalou
have come about recently?
Well I would have to say that his problems have
nothing to do with smoking marijuana at all. More
than likely there is something else that is causing
him to be that way. As for his sexual performance
it could be ED and that could be his reason for the
increase in smoking herb. You need to have a talk
with him and try not to blame his weed smoking he
might actually blame smoking as a way to avoid
telling you the real problem.
Now what was I going to say? I forgot :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Billionfold
He better well should stop smoking.. cigarettes are the most stupidiest things ever, it doesnt give you a high at all, it just make's you look "cool".. if you actually think smoking cigarettes is cool..
But unfortuntly people get addicted and then they cant stop.. your slowly commiting suicide by doing this you're killing yourself.. for what? i dont see how something like cigarettes is legal the government is fucked.
It aslo really pisses me off to see all these smokers because they're not only dangering their health they are putting everyone else's health at risk by all the second hand smoke.
My dad has been smoking more then a pack a day since he was only a kid, now he just got some test back today to see if he has lung cancer.. well he was tested positive and now ive been told he only has 3-12 months to live..
So yeah if i was you id get him off the cigs instead of the weed..
Lot of thoughtful responses on here with a lot of time and effort involved which impresses me.
I feel kinda infamous, a 4 page fred on the interweb and i am the main ingredient......i am the boyfriend or should i say ex boyfriend......dont worry though i am not blaming anyone here.
Been smoking pot on a regular basis for 17 years now which basically means i have been stoned for half my life which i spose isnt all that good thinking back in retrospect, but i wouldnt call myself a hardcore smoker but i do like a spliff with my mates. I did really calm down on smoking the pot when i met Louise, i still indulged but just once a week without her knowing on a night i knew i wouldnt be seeing her, infact the traditional friday night session with the boys i binned so i could spend it with Louise which i think speaks volumes......the trouble started a few weeks after i broke my collar bone, Lou said i was off sick from work but the reality was i was off work for 9 weeks, not an excuse but i imagine what then unfolded was similar to a drinker or borderline alcoholic- more free time so more time to do the things you enjoy which is when the amount of pot i was smoking grew considerably especially as i couldnt do other things like play golf or go swimming and other such things and when the novelty of not having to go to work wore off then i did start to feel depressed.
Respect to Lou though she did let me smoke it around her but the way in which i did it fucked up how she would think of pot smokers forever!! How? well by me sitting up on the computer the 3 times she let smoke until stupid hours of the morning then going to bed when i was so wasted not because of the pot but because of the tiredness, just had to crash and sleep then because of the shit sleep i was shitty the next day!! Inbetween all this i have gone from doing a night shift at work to a day shift off work so my sleep pattern was invariably all round the wrong way anyway.
We were fine before i done my arm in and thats the truth and now we are no more but i did love her and fancy the pants off her whatever she may say.
Just thought it best to put some input of mine own in.
Ciao
I'm taking a gess here but i would say you and your bf have had a strong sexual rlationshipprior to this happening. if that is the case, he may be burnt out on sex.(3 or 4 times aday will drain a man of that which makes him a man; testosterone.) Speaking from personal eperience, pot is not the proplem. I lost a fiance becouase iwas a "worhtless pothead". truth is it wasnt the pot, I just got tired of having sex all the time.
try going on day trips that activate the mind of a stoner, ie mountauns, lake, ocean/beach , going to see christmas light displays etc.
dude, you need to smoke more pot
other then the fact that they get sick... he may seam like a meth addict for a while... he wont be all that hungary, sleepless nights, and a little bit irritable...Quote:
Originally Posted by graph