thinking about how much i miss getting high. then looking forward to may
28th when i come home to a Q and some shrooms
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thinking about how much i miss getting high. then looking forward to may
28th when i come home to a Q and some shrooms
I keep thinking about the convergence of virtual reality and myspace. People can fly around, meet in private clubs, swim and have orgies and buy virtual furniture.;)
Guilty about smoking weed all day but it was worth it. I did a free modelling job for my brother's hoover ad. $20,000 expense photoshoot for a Hoover Vacuum cleaner airline print ad. Next, time I should ask for money.
Pissed because my "boss" guy just said my work sucked so stop working on it. That kind of sucks but it gives me great freedom. I think I'll do something fun with the kids tomorrow and go see the new CG haha.
One funny thing, I saw Barry Manilow on Larry King Live lip synching his old shit bored as hell, looking vacant. He must have seen his CU's and thought "Oh, who gives a fuck?" During the full shots he even stopped moving his mouth as the song played on. The 3 other band members were behaving strangely as well. "Barry's going to be pissed tonight." they must have thought.
I also thought about the cannabis board having so many foxy ladies posting their stuff.
Now I'm thinking of the marshmellow man smashing New York. O.K. I'm going to go now.
Today I am thinking about wether or not to move back up north near my family.I have missed out on alot by being away from them and my mum won't be around forever.Will I be doing it because I want to make up for lost time or because it's the only way out of a mess I am in?Times change and people change maybe it will be different now I am an adult who has been through more crap then all of them put together.Will this earn respect or shame?
Now I am thinking about the film ghostbusters after the mentioning of the marshmallow man lol
I'm thinking about how much my dads disapointed in me. He's only been awake 5 mins and he's already called me a "stupid fucking child". He always calls me stupid, and it really hurts. I do try my best but i don't think he's ever once been proud of me. I guess he exspected me to turn out a better son then i did. I mean he has anger problems (and i think i got those anger problems to because when i lose it i LOSE IT) and he throws shit about and sometimes if its me he's mad at he'll put his fist up at me, he would NEVER hit me but i dunno, he always does tend to do that like he's gonna punch me in the face, and my sister of course always says im a spoilt little brat. I've never really felt close to my parents, my mum of course lives by herself and never comes to see me, and my dad and me don't talk to each other that much and i tend to spend most of the day in my room or being out. I did try, but i guess i'm just a big retard who can't even make his own faimly be proud of him. Well... this sucks.
I'm sorry your having a hard time with your family Crazy it reminds me of when I lived with my family when I was younger that's why I am so worried about going home again.I found getting as far away as I could from my family helped me to discover who I was and I surprisingly found out that I was quite a nice person.I don't mean to disrespect your family but if you listen to their bullshit name calling you will start to believe them and hate yourself.I am not sure how old you are but you need to go it alone and make yourself proud.I would also go to anger management so you can learn how to control your temper,something which is not you own fault.
Ok enough rambling sorry for hijacking.I really hope things improve for you Crazy.
Well, my angers not as bad and also i very rarley get pissed off, but yeah. He always says "your as bad as your mum". But i guess i think i kinda deaserved it, cuz last week i broke one of my contact lessen's but cuz i have an apointment today i thought they'd be giving me a new pair so it would'nt matter and i did'nt tell my dad cuz i did'nt want him to get pissed. So today when he woke up he said "you've got to have your contacts in because they said you've got to have it in for a few hours so they can make sure it dos'nt affect your eyes in a bad way" or something so of course i had to tell him i broke one, so he gets pissed off, throws a spoon (lol, a bit random but yeah he threw a spoon near my direction) and said that theres no point in going to the apointment, got pissed off, kinda moaned like he ussaly does when he gets pissed off at me (a kinda moan like hes upset and disapointed and angry at me) and then he said "you stupid fucking child" as he ussaly call's me. Said how long again since i broke em i said a week so he got even more pissed off, called me stupid again a few times. Then just kinda looked at me as he's saying "why the fuck did i even bother having this fucking child". Then i just kinda walked upstairs, so it was my fault really and i guess i was being stupid. I don't tend to argue back because thats what ussaly make's up put his fist up like he's going to hit me, and now he's just acting like nothings happened. But whenever i try to talk to him he never really bothers to talk to me back. I think he used to call me stupid when i was younger too but before that was just "stupid child" but now im a bit older i guess he feels he can say "fucking child" instead now. My sister also call's me a retard sometimes. She's the smart one tho, and my dad gets on with her better, and they tend to spend more time bonding when she's home. One time tho i put some music on about 3 in the morning, he had work the next day, he got up (my door was locked) and he kicked my door and broke the lock, as usal called me a stupid child, and said im worst than mum. Then i think i might of said something along the lines of "no wonder mum left you its because your so fucking voilent" then about 5 mins later he came and apoligised.
I think he also told me he never huged me as a child but that was because when i was 3 or 4 i was sexually harrsed by my grandad and my dad said and he was worried i'd take it the wrong way if he ever gave me a hug.
But i guess i am a bit of a trouble maker, because when i was also around 3 or 4 i almost set the house on fire. But yeah, i don't think he's ever said "i love u" or "im proud of you" or anything. I guess he's never really shown any affection towards me, and my mum. Well, the doctors said i had adhd and my mum always thought there was something wrong with me, i was put on pills like ritalin and shit which caused more problems than solving them and thats proberly why i have trouble sleeping at night now. (ritalin is like a low dosage of speed), when i was old enough to make my own desisions my mum tried to convince me to carry on taking ritalin and keep trying loads of other crap til i find the right one. But i said no. But now i think she see's me as some kinda druggie because she told a teacher at shcool about me smoking weed, and she said to an old phycoligist when she had both my parents in about the whole devorce thing and she said she's really worried about me because im smoking marijuana and tababco. One time she sent me a text saying "you seem to be sleeping to much, tell me the truth, you not on drugs are you? or drinking?". But yeah, i think she's given up on me too cuz she never stays in contact. But she still think's i should be on some sort of pill and she talks to me like im a retard. But yeah my dad seems to be acting normal. don't really talk, when we're in the same room and its just me and him there's just ussaly a dead silence. I could of done better in my life i guess, i just never really... bothered, im also very low on confidence which i think they are to blame for since they never really supported me. Man thats a long read lol.
Is there nowhere else for you to stay?I really don't think you should be living with people who chip away at your confidence so much.Stop blaming yourself because if your dads reaction was not going to be a pissed one you would of told him sooner.As for the stuff you did at the age of 3 well that reminds me of my friend putting his mums clothes on her bed and trying to light a match because he wanted a bonfire.
It's never too late to improve your life and make things better you just have to work at it.
i really dont know, i havent had a clear mindset for months......
Why do some people, (like co-workers) who you've worked with for a period of time, over 5 years say, one day pass by you, say hello and go on about whatever then go on their way and the next day (literally) when you pass by each other (maybe at the same place even) they walk right by without even a quick hi or nod, as they glance at you--(the blank stare) YET the day after that they are like the first day--it flips me out. That's weird. (picture walking one way down a hallway alone and they're walking the opposite way, also alone and when you pass each other it's all or nothing (stranageness night). There is a mental unit there, maybe that's it:confused: :) .
Lastly, It's so phony but laughable when a newer co-worker who doesn't care really too much for you, has nothing to say to you, becomes ever-so-friendly when he see's that your friends with their boss.
that's enough about work and people but that was on my mind for the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skink
Skink you a-hole, my wife read your post over my shoulder and I got that look....You're gonna mow the lawn today....RIGHT!...thanks.
I, for some reason was just looking up how much start up money it takes for several different fast food chains...Taco Bell - 2-3 million US.
HMMM...maybe next year.
Gotta find somewhere dark to hang my girls
Got 4 trees to plant this weekend also.....I think I will be needing some pain relief medicine, any ideas?:smokin:
lol only to a blind man / woman :pQuote:
Originally Posted by SensiRide
i been thinkin about rollin a joint..... time to stop thinking :) :thumbsup: :stoned:
And I'm thinking about hittin' the pipe...
Thinking about German mountains and American Indians.
Thinking about insanity and stupidity and how far can too far go?
If I could choose one monumental thought I made today, it would have to be realizing Mr. Cannabis does not make one happy, but we, as the people, behold:thumbsup: the power to live a happy and prosperous life with out without mr. cannabis.
Preferably WITH !:thumbsup: :D :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by skeltey
i 2nd that !! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :stoned: :stoned: :dance: :dance:Quote:
Originally Posted by psychocat
I am thinking about how mad and amazing my mum was and still is and how much time I have wasted not visiting her as much.I am thinking I should move back home and make the most of the time that is left,she isn't dying but she is 70.
I remember one time my mum putting a pair of my dads underpants on the end of a stick so it was like a flag and running round the garden yelling the kids are back at school after the 6 week holidays lol
She also did the great north run in her 60's even though she has never done anything like that before and we were worried she wouldn't make it but she did really well.
Now I'm thinking about your mum running around the yard with your dad's boxers on a stick.
That's a funny visual.