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Haha, nice story! Why didn't you just "teach" her the ways of trimming and general "maintenance". Obviously she wasn't familiar with it and you could've had yourself a nice little play buddy! :cool:
Edit:
I couldn't understand your second story very well. Sounds like you were in the middle of blazin one and it just hit you! HAHAHA
Well a good friend of mine is a diabetic. We were at a party one night and apparently he fucked some chick in a bush without protection because she claimed to be on birth control. She was the only girl that night that I was interested in, so I amused myself with drinking games and got pretty hammered.
Well my friend has me carry his diabetes medication (insulin), because I was wearing a jacket that had a lot of pockets n such. I meet the girl later that he fucked, and she tells me that she just hooked up with my friend.
I jokingly reply, "Uh-oh, you might want to watch out for HIV now"
She laughs, being as we are both drunk. But then I stand up, and my friend's insulin falls out of my pocket. She asks what it is, and I (not thinking) reply, "His medication"
She instantly starting freaking the FUCK OUT, crying and shouting swears that would make a sailor blush. I'm drunk, confused as hell watching her storm off with her friends before I realized what I had just done. But it was too late, nobody knew her... I wonder what happened to her.
HOLY EFFIN SHIZA!!! That's funny, sad, and crazy all rolled into one!!!! :yippee:
lol yeah i read it back. ill rewrite it in the morning.Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta.9
yeah that would have been a plan. not sure my gf at the time would have been to happy. she said if i ever dated her she'd be ashamed i had downgraded. skank, but true. i was just up for some one nite lovin
peace out
Hahaha, sounds good!
i was having sex for a week or two with this one girl that i just met. When she told her one friend how good it was she wanted some. So we all decided to have a 3sum in my truck. Well it all started out good but when i started going downtown on the friend i couldnt perform. It smelt soo bad i couldnt even get fully hard, my whole truck smelt like her pussy. And ontop of that i was high. So it pretty much sucked. But oh well shit happens
I had this girlfriend once who had come over and cooked me some dinner. If I remember correctly it was some jalapeno enchiladas with a white sauce. Now they were pretty damn tasty, but you have to recall all the peppers and jalapenos we were using/deseeding.
Yeah needless to say she started crying after I fingered her.
Now that was bad.
the first night my ex came back a few months ago, i couldnt get an erection
LMAO!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by paparose
that is freakin hillarious!!!!
i didnt know pubic hair could get that long.... thats SOOOOO GROSS!!!!!
LMAO!!!!
Well, it wasn't really disastrous during sex, but what happened after was. I was with a girl in high school, and we had been dating for a few months, well she was a virgin, and we started doing the nasty in the back seat. I had heard that there is blood with some virgins, but I didn't know how much. Well, I guess we ended up on my shirt, and after the deed I didn't really look at it and just put it on. I walk into a gas station to buy a soda and walk up to the front counter, when I get there the clerk asks if I just stabbed somebody. Really bewildered I asked him what he meant, and he told me to look at my shirt. It had a nice amount of blood on it, I was so angry, but I know it wasn't her fault. It was veeeeeery embarrassing, and that's why I will never sleep with a virgin again.
"Nope, just fucking virgins."Quote:
Originally Posted by Blitzed
lol how about the time I was nailin my ex with her ass hangin off the side of the bed and me standin up.. and my dad walked in. The door was to my back so I just walked the fuck out the room thinkin he would follow me, but he was so surprised he was just frozen on her whole naked ass hangin off the edge of the bed and she was so surprised she was too... lmao that was a baaaaaddd night.. lol.... i chased him up the stairs with my sword, hes lucky I threw that shit before runnin up after him lmao. HAhahahahahahaa ohhh man thats so funny to me now.. hahahahaha
lol grazi that makes me piss reminds me of when i was at home gettin head. my mum walked in and saw me, turned around and then just walked out. i think she must have waited at the door for a minuate thinking we would stop, cus she walked in again and i was still there with my cock out in my g's mouth with my hands behind my head. she just walked out again and tutted.
like lets be honest was i really gonna get her to stop
peace snow
I was about to stick it to my girlfriend and it turns out she was on her period. Red all over the place!
urgggghhh, one of my x's mates was with this lad who insisted on going down her when she was on all the time. she said when he tried to kiss me with blood on his cheek i knew it was time to leave
wrong wrong wrong
Let's just say the 3rd or 4th time I tried anal... it wasn't so pleasant. *ugh*
alright well heres a fresh one...
Theres this girl who lives in my old town(about 2.5 hours away) who came and visited me last year. She had a crush on me for awhile, n when she came over we fooled around, but didn't fuck..The next few times i talked to her, she was telling me how she regrets not letting me go further, n how she'll make it up to me next time. So anyways, she was supposed to come back down a few weeks ago, but bailed on me so I'm thinking that i wont see her again till after the summer is over. Two weeks pass and i manage to convince her to visit me the following monday--which she did--so im thinking monday-wednesday(her visit) was gonna be a nice fuck buddy kinda trip, but damnnn, was i wrong...
So throughout the first day, she is flirty as hell--like usual--so im thinking everythings goin good..so finally when we're in bed, i start giving her signals n whatnot(eg: rubbing, kissing neck, cheeks, wahtever, etc. etc.) n shes responding, but when i moved in for a kiss, she stopped me, n im thinking, why all the mindgames?!?? n so she starts to procede that she started kinda seeing this guy who i know back frmo highschool who she HATED n how she wants be cautious, n then basically kisses me on the cheek, gives me a hug n tells me not to be mad, n continues to bash my head in saying somethin like, "if only i came the week i was supposed to, this woulda never happened"
Now shit, i respect her decision, but she definitely DID NOT give me the slightest idea that she is seeing someone..actually, i think the last thing she said to me was that we needed to go to stag shop(sex shop) n buy something for later...
bottom line, my balls hurt.
this girl asked me one time while we were naked and i was on top of her, if i was only doing this because i was wasted (she liked me, i didnt particularly like her) my response: uhhh yeah...
OUCH! hahahahahahQuote:
Originally Posted by higher4hockey
Quote:
Originally Posted by higher4hockey
hahahaha, ooooo.... i bet you didnt get any did you?:smokin:
This hasn't happened yet, but I'll bet it is only a matter of time...
My bedroom is in a walk-up attic. I can't get furniture up there, so my mattress is 2 twins side by side on the floor with a pad.
My dog is a 70 pound overprotective bulldog/boxer cross.
I can't fully shut and latch the attic door.
My current partner is large. I mean, REALLY large. Like, linebacker pornstar large. Because of this, I make some odd noises during sex.
Lately, the dog has been getting pretty fucking pissed at Donk. She apparently thinks he's hurting me. Telling her 'go lie down' gives about 30 seconds' reprieve from her snarling at him.
Last week we were getting some freek on and I asked, "Hey babe, does it turn you on to know there could be a 70 pound bulldog hanging off your leg at any minute?" We are both pretty convinced that she's going to take a chunk of him to use as a chew-toy in the near future.
There's little I can do about this. (Yes, I'm fixing the door!!!!) I don't want to discourage her protective instincts. So part of sex lately has been worrying about whether Donk is going to end up in the ER explaining why he has to get his calf stitched up.
This is my bodyguard....
Ok, I'll play. :)
Took a friend of mine on a boat ride, she hadn't seen the lake my family's camp is on and really wanted to get away from her other siblings.
So as we're getting things ready (life preservers, seats, drinks, etc) she starts flirting and gradually gets more and more graphic/uninhibited. Makes a point of telling me she won't need to bring her swimsuit as she won't need it but can't wait to get in the water. I realized I had this diminutive, soft spoken church girl all wrong. Awesome!
An hour or so later I pull the boat up to an island in a remote area of the lake so we can eat sandwiches and chill on land - I had secreted some cold beers away from my folks earlier and thought, if ever there was a time to throw alcohol at the situation, this was it.
I offer her a cold one, she looks at me like I'm crazy and says (paraphrasing here) 'Uhh, how about we fuck then go for a swim?'
She prances away while undressing, and I'm right behind her. I follow her to a small grassy portion of this island, which btw was the size of most common living rooms. Not a single tree on it, and aside from a mound of soil and grass in the very middle, was just rocks and shrubs. She piles her clothes and then lays on them, spread eagle waiting for me to dive in.
We had only been getting down for 5 or 10mins when the wind picked up, and within the next few minutes it went from sunny and gorgeous outside to gale force winds and rain, then hail, thunder and lightening. Nothing like a bolt of lightning landing nearby to snap you out of your horny froth! I was pretty pissed this super hot event I was lucky enough to happen upon was over. But my friend proceeded directly to Go Apeshit and Panic Mode, she was scared out of her mind. She bolts to the boat, naked mind you, slips, and wipes out on the rocks, managing to slam into the aluminum hull on the way down.
So we show up at the dock a little later, both soaked to the bone, shivering, and bearing red marks all over from getting nailed with hail. She's bleeding from the head, arm and both feet, and we're both missing articles of clothing. And to top it all off, her mother and both of my parents run down to the docks to question us upon our arrival. Yeah, the scene of an almost naked, bleeding girl added to stolen beer made for some great family discussion. Ended up getting screwed for about 6 months for about 10min of hot outdoor tail.
Apart from the getting grounded and being caught naked in a hail storm parts, good times! ;)
As for my friend, I ended up competing against her in some 4H horse-riding events later that year. After my sister and I pretty much dominated that meet, she never spoke to me again. Oh well.
That is all.Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueDevil
This is me going out on a limb.....but does your family have lots of money?Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueDevil
Worst sexual experience??? I've got plenty.
Keep in mind I'm gay otherwise this might not make sense to some of you.
also....if you don't wanna read about 2 dudes fucking then avert your eyes.
Once I was going down on this guy in my room with the door locked when my mom starts banging on the door. Apparently she heard the front door and thought someone was breaking in (paranoid). She won't go away until I answer so he hides and it takes 5 minutes to convince her everything is okay.
Another time I was about to go down on a guy and I saw what looked to be genital warts....that was a mood killer.
But for the coup de grâce:
I was fucking this guy for a while and we'd gone through quite a few positions. Towards the end he was riding me and it was great. I started to feel something warm running down my balls and I mentioned it. He got up to check and as he pulled off shit poured down onto my entire crotch. If it hadn't been for the little cover the condom provided I probably would have puked everywhere.
The moral of that story is make sure your partner cleans themselves out before having anal sex! It's a gay law to live by.
I hooked up with my brother's girlfriend. it was hella good sex but now my brother doesn't talk to me. but i hooked up with here again last weekend. he doesn't know...yet. :thumbsup:
loxley, have you NO sense of family loyalty?
Hooking up with a friend's girlfriend is bad enough... but your own BROTHER? That's HORRIBLE!!!
I lost a white t-shirt to a similar experience, except the woman I was sleeping with was on her period. Similarly, it was not a "disastrous" encounter but I really need my white-t's. The bright idea of taking it off never occurred either. Heat of the moment? Definitely. She came to my job that morning and basically invited me to screw her that evening. Now that I reflect--fuck the t-shirt! I got me some. Yeahhh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Blitzed
This happened to a friend of mine and a girl I've been with a few times. They were parked on a country road fucking and a sheriff's deputy pulled up behind them. They got dressed in a huge hurry and accidently put on each others pants. She had left her purse in a bar early that night, with her ID and a pipe with a little herb in it. So like an idiot she wants to go to the jail to claim her purse because someone had turned it in. She got to they jail and they arrested her for possesion and she freaked out and got charged with battery on a LEO, attempted escape, resisting arrest, criminal damage to property, obstruction of legal process, poss. of marijuana, and possesion of parphenalia. And went to jail with his money in her pocket because she was wearing his pants.
hehe yeah man i have had a few. some of them i wouldnt want to post, as they might make me look like a slime ball.
ok so i was 15 with my girl of a year and a half. we finally decided to try anal. so we were laying in a spoon position gettin warmed up. i was rubbing my stuff all over her stuff, gettin her wet as im already hard like stone. so all of a sudden shes like "woah woah dude whyd you cum already?!?" i was like "what are you talking about....damn girl you are WET!" all of a sudden, i look down and were COVERED in blood. dude this was like some Dr. Giggles shit str8 up! i tore the connective tissue right below my hole. (ouch) it bled for such a long time. didnt exactly go how i plannned lol i pictured some cool dirk diggler type of shit, u know? lol
LATE
Ok, I guess this would qualify as a disaster, and I could also use some advise if anyone reads all of it. I'm pretty stoned so hopefully it makes sense.
I was over my friend's girlfriend's dorm room, and she gave out some ADD pills to everyone there. I met one of her friends who was visiting. We talked for a little while and I told her we should stay up, and she could sleep at my dorm. We started drinking and watched a movie, then things started getting sexual. I went down on her then she tried to give me a b.j. but I couldn't get hard. I thought it was from the drinking, but that had never happened before, so I think it was from the ADD pills. Anyways I continued to eat her out and finger her until she came. She told me it was the best she had had we could be fuck buddies. Later that night we tired to fuck again but I still couldn't stay hard. We talked for a while after that since the pills kept us awake. She left in the morning, and my friends asked me what happened that night. I was embarrassed that I couldn't get hard so I told them I fucked her. My friend then told his girlfriend what I had told him, so she went and asked the girl about what happened that night and they told me she said that we just made out and is pissed at me for telling people we had sex. I tried to txt msg the girl the day after, and a week after, but she never replied.
It has been about two weeks since that night. I feel like shit about what happened. I did like her and want to see her again. Any advise?:what:
LOL dude i was just thinking of posting a similar story of mine. same thing happened to me a couple of years ago. sometimes it can be drugs or something. other than that i think it could be performance anxiety. now i know some of you fellas are going to be like whatever but for real. for instance the other night when ******* came over and dropped off a couple Os she was up on me big time. now anyone in that position would want to be with this girl for more reasons than one, shes smokin hot plus shes like BIG TIME dealer/dope man. but ill tell you what man as high and dry as i was i wouldnt have been able to pull it off. possibly? yes but not like i wanted to. so there can be performance anxiety, head trip, or drugs.
youre in a pretty sticky sit. bro. if i were u i would just try to play it cool man. say something about a condom. btw, were you already up in it with here for a minute, or was doomed from the start?
LATE donny
train- I thought I was almost ready to go, but lost it putting on the condom.
got piss ass drunk beyond belief the night before
did everything including my first time having anal
the next morning...
woke up.....
&
rolled over and heard 'did we have sex last night?'
never a good thing.
heres another one. i was 16 @ the time, and this girl was 14. she was FINE, but a virgin (haters f*** off) so, we didnt end up having sex, but i did go down on her, and when i go down i dont come up for u know what im sayin. so anyway, she was tight & real tasty. she came a few times, but something tasted odd (we were in the dark)
fast foward 30 min. i hear my mom honking outside. we throw on our clothes and i run outside. well come to find out i had popped her cher w/my TOUNGE. no joke. it was absolutely EMBARASSING!! i would have rather had my mom walk in on me fucking. my clothes were soaked, my face looked like blade 4
Donny
The worst sex is when I am so fucked off my face that I cant keep it up
Ok, this is from my first time having sex. She was a virgin and shy as hell unfortunately. Anyway, I put on dark side of the moon and go down on her (also for the first time). Turns out she did not or had not ever shaved, but being committed to the idea I went ahead anyway. Ugh, hair in my teeth! I can't smell, like I can not distinguish between two smells or tell you someone farted etc, but I thought I could possibly smell something down there. Then when it came to the rest of the act, she was too tight and I asked her to go down on me for a really lame BJ.
But... I suppose the punchline is she lived next door to me in my dorm so even though we never hooked up again, we had to awkwardly walk past each other almost every day... Haha pick your hookups more carefully than I did...
Making sweet, sweet love to a lady-friend down by the fire. Shine on You Crazy Diamond (Parts 1- V) came on iTunes shuffle. It was the day after my very first bong broke... her name was Totem.
Me and my buddies would always smoke out of Totem with Pink Floyd jamming in the background, and whenever Shine on You Crazy Diamond came on we would pause smoking until the lyrics kicked in, then smoke as hard as we possibly could until the song finished. When we had guests in the circle, some passed out, some were so high they supposedly lost reality, others puked, some just geeked out hard. Grams went up in smoke in a matter of seconds (my bong was notorious for having a liberty bowl, you could pack at least a gram into this bowl). Rotation speed picked up tenfold, and after every bowl was cashed we would all say, "For Syd."
When that song came on again that one night, I just couldn't go on. My very first piece, bought at Venice beach when I was in 7th grade. I cherished her for years and years man. I didn't explain it to the girl, she wouldn't understand. I just had to leave with a now-flaccid cock.
You must have been deeply in love with that bong.Quote:
Originally Posted by couch-potato
Quote:
Originally Posted by audioaddict04
No fucking joke man. When you're the first and only kid at school who has their own bong it becomes more than a regular piece. Everyone else I knew loved her too.