Make me laugh - Add a joke or cartoon

there was a brave captain and his crew sailing on the high seas, when suddenly a pirate ship appeared and was going to attack them. The captain yelled out an order to his first mate: "bring me my red shirt!!" They all fought bravely and a week later two pirate ships appeared about to attack them. Again, the captain called out to his first mate: "bring me my red shirt!" They fought bravely and won again. A week later three pirate ships appeared, ready to attack them, and the captain gave the same order for his red shirt. after the battle, the men asked the captain why he always asked for his red shirt before a battle. The captan replied, "so that if I am wounded in battle, no one will see the blood, and you will all go on fightng unafraid." The crew was touched at the captain's bravery, and suddenly, ten pirate ships appeared off the pot bow ready to attack. The whole crew looked to the captain, awaiting his order, when he finally shouted out to his first mate: "Bring me my brown pants!"

Ive recently started a new job in TESCO supermarket on the alcoholic beverages section! Yesterday a man of an ethnic minority was browsing the shelves, when my manager decided I should give this man some assistance!....

I approached the Indian fella and asked "Can I be of any assistance Sir?"...
...he replied "OOO YIS, I AM LOOKING FOR A NICE PORT!".....

I said "DOVER...NOW FUCK OFF"!!!!!!!

hahahahaha

haha

From Letterman

Top Ten Ways George Bush Can Regain His Popularity


10. Dip into social security fund to give every American free HBO

9. Use diplomacy to bring peace to Brad, Jen and Angelina

8. Try fixing Iraq, creating some jobs, reducing the deficit and maybe capturing Osama

7. Figure out a way for the Yankees to win a game

6. Replace his "country simpleton" persona with more lovable "hillbilly idiot" image

5. Use weekly radio address to give Americans a Van Halen twofer

4. Get Saddam to switch to boxers

3. Ditch the librarian and make Eva Longoria First Lady

2. Resign

1. Jump on Oprah's couch while professing his love for Katie Holmes

This Joke Is kinda corny but it's my fave.

There once was this Old man with 3 sons,
they were broke so he gave them each a duck.
Whoever brought back the most for his duck,
would be the prized son of the house.....
The first son saw a guy on the side of the road,
He bought the duck for 5 dollars.
The second son walk to the feed store, sold his duck for 10 dollars.
The third son had been walking around all day, and could not sell his duck.
It was getting dark, a woman stopped him and told him she'd fuck him for his duck, so he did, and started to walk away.
He remembered he had to bring back money for the duck so he told the girl he'd fuck her back for the duck, so she did, and he walked away with the duck.
All of a sudden a semi-truck came outta nowhere, the duck flew out of his arms and SPLAT it hit the duck.
The driver stopped, apologized, and told the son he'd give him a dollar for the duck.
The Son agreed, and walked home.
The father stepped outside, and the sons told him how much they made.
Son 1 said, I got 5 bucks. Son 2 said, I got 10 bucks.
Son 3 said, well Dad, I GOT A FUCK FOR A DUCK, A DUCK FOR A FUCK, AND A BUCK FOR A FUCKED UP DUCK.

How about a little Hasselhoff?

What did the Normal Baby say to the test tube baby.?.









'your dads a wanker.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by maryjanemama

How about a little Hasselhoff?

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Why is that so scary?

I offer up this as well ...

Why did the Blond climb the chain link fence?



To see what was on the other side!

These are good for a chuckle.

Things to Ponder

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the
dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how
many people a company can operate without.

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone
else looks?

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a
car.

There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at
4 AM. It could be a right number.

Think about this..., No one ever says "It's only a game" when his
team is winning.

Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag
his tail.

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts
tomorrow.

If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any
sense at all.

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to
like it.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same
size bucket.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of
old ladies running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to
cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint,
you are probably dead.

I dunno why but here ya go...:D