I'll admit I've done it before. . . .Quote:
Originally Posted by scream
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I'll admit I've done it before. . . .Quote:
Originally Posted by scream
I was doin my girlfriend when I was like 16 and her big ass dog came in and started humping me from behind. Then he was growlin and shit when I was trying to push him off. All I can remember is thinking " Jesus I hope I don't lose a testicle because of this".
LMFAO!!! ^
LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by slowlickitysplit
Well, I was in the shower once with my girl of 2 years at the time,(now ex), and I don't know what came over me but I just started peeing on her in the shower like all casual and shit about it and she was all, "What the fuck?" And I didn't really have a good reason except for telling her I just felt like peeing on her...I mean it was in the shower...but it gets worse, so later on in the night she is giving me this incredible blowjob...deepthroat and all, and right as I bust a nut, she takes it all, but then spits it on my chest like "SPLAT!" And she responds with I just felt like spitting on you. So 2 days later, she is sucking me off and as I'm about to come, I tell her to stop and I grab her head and shoot it all in her ear, I laughed pretty hard too cuz I don't know if you've ever noticed, but when you try to wash jizz off, it kinda likes to stick to the skin...especially hair and she was in there complaining she couldn't get all the jizz outta her ear.
Am I the only one who Isnt bothered by these / finds it kinda hot? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAtomicPunk
Haha your fucked up, but hilarious.Quote:
Originally Posted by ex-stoner/new grower
Its always pretty funny when your having sex on the bathroom or kitchen floor (any tile floor) and your back suctions to it making an extremely loud farting sound. Hahaha.
I had a condom "fly off" my johnson and shoot across the room. Chick started laughing so hard it pretty much killed the moment.
haahahah i cant stop laughing toms story and the one about the sand is really funny!! im trying to think of some weird experience i had... one of those period things happened to a girl i was with once.. we were on the floor and i was playing with her and there was no lights i felt this mucus shit on my hand and though it was just normal liquid but i found it wouldnt rub off pretty disgusting... i just pretended i didnt notice anything and she told me guess what and i said what ( what could it possibly be ?? ) i tried to sound like i didnt know while she talked about it.
alot of times like 80% of the time i take too long to come.. it once got to the point after 1 hour 20 minutes in the theatre bathroom i just said fuck this my legs hurt and stopped.. girls come alot of times it feels good to have made them feel good but sucks in my part.
ummmm... the first time i was going to have sex the girl didnt want to loose her virginity and told me we could have anal sex.. so i said fine and lubed her up.. as i was about to push my cock into her it slipped because of the lube and ( i was going hard stupid me ) it rammed into her and she bled .. im really not a bad person so dont try to kill me for doing that wasnt my fault :(
i had sex in a forest several times... careful when you do it on the forest floor or even a field. theres little bits of plants those yellow things that look like wheat thingies well those are spiny and stick you your clothes.. we decided to get completely naked and put clothes on floor.. bad idea.. it hurt on the way back home i couldnt get those things out and had to put underwear and clothes on and it would keep pinching my cock ass everywere.. her too :D
if you dont have fuck ups in sex its just sex you dont remember it later .. i cant remember much lol..
i was at my girlfriends house and she has al elder sister right. she was 18 her sister is 22 or so not that big. in the morning her boyfriend and a friend came over and they live really far away like 8 hours on bus and the boyfriend went to have sex with the sister and the friend slept on the couch in the living room. we were watching tv then got really horny and started fucking infront of him ( hes asleep anyways ) but in like 5 mins he woke up and my girl went to make breakfast but i was pissed and couldnt stand it went to the kitchen pushed her up against the wall and fucked her there.. the kitchen is connected with the sisters room and her and her boy came out and saw us.. but no regrets i loved that girl so much.. i still do.. but im not with her anymore :(
The funniest/strangest sexual thing i did when i was 14 with my 17 year old bird. We was shagging on the top bunk of some beds, while my mate and his girl were shagging on the bottom bunk, and my mate bartlet was just watching on the floor - and the bed was shaking like mad - and someone was passing around a wooden spoon LOL - small house parties with stupid amounts of alcohol results in hilarious sex. In the end i gave up coz i just couldnt cum and my girlfriend was nearly asleep.
^lol
ive only had sex once.... nothin embrassing happened :D
tried to fart but instead hershey squirted.
things got even better from then on
haha thats some nasty shit manQuote:
Originally Posted by sttomassmoker
lol i had somethin like that happen waaaaaaaaaay back .... can you say awkward????Quote:
Originally Posted by tehcromex
dont feel bad...ours is gonna be 3 soon....i feel your pain man...i really do LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by slowlickitysplit
and the sand thing...OWWIE!!
i dont understand people that dont use condoms.. you can leave her pregnant even if you dont cum in her.. precum liquids contain small amounts of semen.. and only 1 is needed to get her pregnant..
i know i just doesnt feel the same and sucks but you have to put up with that imagine how the girl will feel to be pregnant what the fuck will she do how can she face her parents with that problem... be responsable, think of the person you are having sex with, safe is better then sorry :jointsmile:
HAHAHAHAHA, dude after that i just say fuck it and keep going!Quote:
Originally Posted by lazy smoker7
lmfao~~~~~~~
One night hunny pie and ,I "got in on" after singing karoke at the local yocal pup...
well he enjoys to lick mois pusse pusse
I had a new pair of jeans on that eve, and ya know that tag that says inspected by like number 122 they stick to clothing in the factory
I look at him he had the inspected by 122 tag stuck to his mustache !!
I could not quit laughing !
he laughed too!
another incident
weve gotton caught by the sheriff makin out in the back seat of a 53 chevy!!!
he talked to the officer whilst I got my clothes back on!!
very nobel guy ~~ hes my love!!
;)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom_Bom
should of rolled her in flour and aimed for the wet spots
Quote:
Originally Posted by TallulahGreen
How cute...
I was having sex with this girl and we where doing it anal. when i pulled out to cum i pulled more than my dick out, and she basically shit all over the bed! it was so gross and smelled so nasty. SHe was so embarrased that i didn't hear from her for a few days, and we had just started going out. I'm SO GLAD i was wearing a condom!
hahaha ^^ thats the best BY FAR PEOPLE!Quote:
Originally Posted by X-ecutioner
Last night my ex- fishing- buddy- with- benefits stopped by for some braised duck, and eh... yeah we ended up back in da sack... it's been a minute...
So my dog has not been allowed on the bed recently. When she came up to see what all the commotion was about this morning around 5, she found Donk in HER spot.
What did she do? What any hyper-territorial female mastiff with a urinary tract infection would do!!!
She got up on the bed, squatted, and PEED on him!!!
He, being the go-with-the-flow kinda guy that he is, no pun intended, finished up what he was doing and said, "Uh. Your dog- I think- just peed on me..."
Nice... everyone really wants a golden shower from a 4 legged hairy bitch with a UTI...
LOL, ^ that last line is hilarious!
R u Crazyyyyyyy..... That IS the hottest sound in the world. Gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.. I cant see how that would turn somebody off. Thats the stuff that gets me going:thumbsup: :DQuote:
Originally Posted by rebgirl420
Back to the topic tho. Me and the ex were in my pool, she didnt have her suit at my house so i let her use one of my lil sisters since they r about the same size. We ended up getting it on in the pool, while she kept her suit on and we worked around it. Anyways my sister came out of left feild to catch her brother f*cking his girlfriend in her swim suit LMfuckingAO
Needless to say my sis threw the suit away after it had naughty parts a' rubbin on it.
I thought it was hilarious, my sis was heated, she said i cant wear that now, and my ex was embarassed to say the least.
Thats the funniest sex story i have.
My family is very open sexually tho, so im not embarrased about too much in that sense, i think my ex was feeling a little akward tho:D
The dick crushing, ass juice flowing, and going limp are the worst ones.