Self Fulfilling Dilemma (How do I escape?)
Nevaquit01,
LoL, great avatar man!!!
I dont have any magical advice for you when it comes to women though... I use to be awkward too but through HS and right after I guess I just got lucky with a string of girls/gfs who pursued me and were sexually interested in me to the point I over came my insecurities and weirdness with girls I liked and had sex with... I think the only real thing to do when you feel the way you do is to just keep putting yourself in situation with girls you like until you get better at it... And I think once you get more comfortable being with girls you like the easier sex will get... Just my :twocents: I'm sure it didnt help but I really have no idea what to tell you!
Great avatar though :jointsmile:
Self Fulfilling Dilemma (How do I escape?)
Quote:
Originally Posted by blackbarbie
you should work on your confidence before you try to get any girls. we can smell insecurity.
this is probably some of the best advice. If your confident, you wont care if you get the girl or not..........and the girls LOVE that.
Self Fulfilling Dilemma (How do I escape?)
Are you confident and otherwise normal as far as other parts of your life?
Are you generally not confident? Or is this strictly a girl thing?
Is this a female relationship issue or a sex issue?
Self Fulfilling Dilemma (How do I escape?)
strickly a girl thing.
Mostly a relationship issue.
I can get laid if I really want to. Drunk girls are everywhere at college. Thats just not my style though. (though it has happened once or twice)
Self Fulfilling Dilemma (How do I escape?)
Quote:
Originally Posted by napolitana869
you're not alone in your problem. I think its a pretty common one.
yup
Self Fulfilling Dilemma (How do I escape?)
This is how I learned to talk to guys, so it might help you out.
When I was about 23, I started going to these parties... I had a friend that threw a speak-easy at his apartment once a month. What ended up happening is that the exact group of people, a few fading in and out, would go to his house and get drunk together, usually about fifty people a week. This went on for a few years, the same people partying together and bonding. Now, years later, they're still some of my closest friends, and one of them is my husband.
This little parable does have a point, believe it or not. Before I started going to these parties, I was absolutely mortified to initiate a conversation with the opposite sex, and it felt like I was fatally nervous. I became able to speak with them because we all got to know each other very well in a group setting, before getting to know each other one-on-one.
You say you've got friends, and social difficulty in general is not your problem. If you get nervous around girls when you're by yourself, then do what you can to meet up with them in group social settings. It's a lot less intimidating. Also, maybe you're one of those folks who really needs to get to know someone before intimacy is possible, and that's not a bad thing. Take your time, get to know them. Think of them as friends first, and then let the romantic attraction happen later on in the relationship. It'll make you a lot less nervous.
Self Fulfilling Dilemma (How do I escape?)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nevaquit01
I've recently stoped smoking because I have realized that I was using it to fill a hole in my life. I have no significant other and have rarely ever had that kind of relationship. I am 24 years old. I am not a virgin, but I've had very limited sexual experience. (I've had several one time hookups that were awkward and altogether not very enjoyable) I've only been in a real relationship once and it lasted all of a month. I have always been a little off the pace when it came to these kind of things but I'm about to graduate from college and enter the real world. I am not a bad looking guy. I don't have any weird ticks or stupid habits (other than biting my fingernails). I like being around people and am not overly stressed out about social situations. I just have absolutely no confidence with girls. I don't know where this comes from other than the fact that I have had horrible luck with women in the past. I also get extremely nervous when I do get to an intimate situation with a girl I like. I have had sex before, but it's always been weird and turned out to be a bad idea. I have been internalizing all of this for so long and I am desperately in need of outside opinion. How do I get myself out of this hole? How do I keep all my previous failures and bad experiences from fucking up things with any new prospects. Anyone else heard of anyone else like this? I feel uniquely fucked up.
IDK but,,,thats a cool avy...
Self Fulfilling Dilemma (How do I escape?)
It is excellent that you are taking stock of your situation, and curtailing your smoking habits in order to open yourself up more to the bountiful possibilities around you in college.
You've gotten some good advice here: Group socializing and establishing some solid friendships with women are both good ways to build your confidence and take yourself out of the mindset that your past experiences are going to repeat themselves.
I'm wondering:
- Do you have trouble recognizing when a woman is flirting with you (perhaps because you are kind of wrapped up in your own anxiety)?
- Do you have any women in your life whom you consider to be true friends? Is there one with whom you'd feel comfortable talking about this? Someone who knows you well and has observed you in social situations might have some insights for you that this forum doesn't afford.
- You said, "I'm confident until it gets to where I'm talking to a girl I like. Nothing ever goes right at that point.." Could you elaborate on what you mean by 'nothing goes right'? Is it that you have trouble making conversation? Do you feel like you say the wrong thing? Is it hard for you to read what she might be thinking/feeling?
As others here have indicated, you are definitely not "uniquely fucked up." *wink* Lots of people feel awkward in situations with people to whom they feel attracted. Being something of a late bloomer in this area can even be advantageous! You are looking at things now with a mindful maturity that a younger guy just doesn't have. This means you can make better choices and avoid bad relationship habits. Once you're ready for real emotional & physical intimacy with someone, you'll respect and appreciate it more, and learn more from it than you would have 5 years ago.
It will happen for you.
Self Fulfilling Dilemma (How do I escape?)
I dont know if this has been adressed yet but why dont you go find a hot little chick who's into smoking weed and smoke up with her. thats what i did.
