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that is a tawdry cliche. i have no trouble loving others and i absolutely despise myself and back when i did have that fabled "high self-esteem" i usually kept it up by despising the people around me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Inferius
but i'm a borderline sociopath and probably not a good example of humanity.
yeah...Quote:
Originally Posted by delusionsofNORMALity
Theres a difference between an inflated ego and a good self-esteem.
And Fikus sounds like he not only needs self-esteem in his own personality, but just in being human.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fikusroot
my advice to you is do something. dont just sit around writing music and getting high. it's probably the reason you hate so much.
Go do something constructive. go volunteer (its really not like work it can be quite fun)
I hate a lot of things to, I hate the greed, the social problems it's created, and the politicians who work off of it to get elected.
What i do is I work against it. I work with several groups from political, to environmental to socialistic. and try to bring good.
And I find all the things I do very enjoyable.
No one has the right to bitch unless there working against it in some fashion
Why? What's so great about being human? Even you seem to be trying to escape it, your sig claims that you're nature, god and infinite. Maybe its harder than you think to be human.Quote:
Originally Posted by Inferius
i think i might know what you mean fikus, not that i entierly think that way but ive come to that realisation before, that everything we do kind of sucks. but then i stopped thinking that way and things go alot better, it really is about following exactly what you want to do...
as best as i can explain, at least
be happy!
You reply to my posts more than anyone else... :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by Polymirize
And my sig isn't about escaping my humanity, in fact it's leaning more towards embracing it. More of a spiritual perspective really.
I love being human. I love life. I don't know what it's NOT like to be human, but i'm definately grateful for the gift of a human life. I feel grateful every single beautiful day for being alive.
and thats actually really sad that you reply to my posts more than anyone else, considering you only replied like 4 times...
It's true that I have very low self esteem. I know I have a lot I should be proud and a whole bunch of redeeming qualities of but I still feel like such a loser sometimes. I look around and I see I have all these people that are attracted to me even though I'm not attracted to myself which gives me this wierd perspective on people. I mean, I've gotten good at playing the whole social game and shit but I just cant help but harbor this deep cynical view of everone I meet. I feel like Hamlet. I'm kind of depressed (although I really have no reason to be) and harbor this cynical attitude towrads people and tend to question my very existance more than is probably normal, but in then end, I don't want to die, I dont want to be unhappy. I just want to be remembered. If you read the last scene of the play, when Hamlet dies, his final wish is for Horatio to spread his story around. That's all I really want, is for people to remember me. And to be happy. And to be able to understand exactly what I was just trying to say:o ...Quote:
Originally Posted by Inferius
Now that I am high, I think I've come with a powerful self realization. I am an asshole. There's no other way to explain it. Im a plain, staight up asshole and rather than speak up and say things I keep them to myself because I'm scared i will be an asshole. I think it's because I'm incapatble of forming close bonds with anyone, probably because that part of my brain is shrunken. That, or because for some reason I'm scared they'll hurt me. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just nervous. But then again, nervous people are just mild skitzofrenics, and I'm not crazy. Or at least I dont think I am. I need to force myself to go outside of myself and accept love into my life, so I no longer feel empty. It's funny now, I can distinctly see a soul that lives inside someone and permeates thorought everything that they do. For so long, in peoples look and speech etc etc, I have only been seeing the phenotype when I should have been looking at their genotype (soul). I just typed a whole lot more but I read it back to myself and it didnt make a bit of sense so I deleted it. But yeah, like I said, I think I'm an asshole and I dont know what to do.
If you were reading someone else's post of them saying this, I'm sure you could analyze them, probably better than I could. You're very intelligent.
But it's easier to see other peoples problems than it is your own. Easier to separate yourself from your own ego and think logically when it doesn't relate to your own insecurities or motives. Right now, you're not separating yourself from your ego. You're in the thick of it.
Somehow, you previously got it into your head that you aren't as good, as perfect, as lovable and fascinating as others. That you were less.
But you're NOT. YOU ARE JUST AS FUNNY, INTELLIGENT, BEAUTIFUL, LOVABLE, and any other positive characteristic of humanity as ANYONE else.
It might take a while for you to accept this, to break the patterns of thought in your mind that reinforce that first perception of negativity.
But once you have that confidence, people WILL remember you. Once you feel secure in who you are, when you embrace what you've always been (see capital words above), People will cherish your existence, your soul, your love. And you will find it easier to do the same for them.
You need to learn to watch yourself think. Every time you see yourself react to a situation in a self-defeating, un-confident way, Pause. Realize, that reaction, that subconscious part of you that made that reaction into an unfavorable one, is WRONG. Instead of thinking about how badly you might acted, realize how WONDERFUL you were. If you do this more and more, your perception of the world, and primarily of yourself, will change. And you will distinctly notice this. KEEP doing this.
The longer you do it, the better you will be at it. Strive to constantly improve upon your perception of what is truly perfection.
I remember you.