Lets share our humiliating moments....

Okay, here's a humiliating moment. In fact, I find it hard to believe this one can be topped.

When I was in the Army and living in the barracks, I got the munchies. Unfortunately, the mess hall was closed, but I did have a half pound bag of sunflower seeds, the kind still in the shell. Well, I got lazy, and decided it was too much effort to take the shells off for those tiny little seeds, and the munchies were hitting me really badly, so I just started gobbling the seeds whole.

About 6 or 8 hours later, my stomach felt kinda weird, a little crampy, and I suddenly needed to take a crap, so I went to the bathroom and had a seat on the toilet. The problem was, the splinters from the sunflower seeds had congealed into this gigantic ball of splintery shit, and this ball was simply too big in diameter to come out of my asshole.

I grunted and groaned, but no matter how hard I tried, that huge splintery ball of shit would not come out, and with every clench of my butt muscles, splinters were being driven into the inside of my ass. It was so excruciatingly painful that I was crying and screaming, and my roommate happened to hear me and came to see what was wrong.

When I explained my predicament to my roomie, he couldn't stop laughing. He asked if there was anything he could do, get a doctor, anything? I said, no, I don't need a doctor, I need a fuckin' spoon. He started to ask why I needed a spoon of all things, then he realized what I intended to do with it, and that REALLY made him laugh. By that point, everyone in the barracks knew what was going on (in part because my screams woke up pretty much everyone), and everyone was laughing their asses off.

My roomie returned shortly and slipped me the spoon underneath the stall door. And I jammed that spoon up my ass and broke that big ass ball of splintery shit up into smaller pieces. It was pretty gross! But whatcha gonna do? I figured I'd rather do it myself than have some doctor digging around my ass doing pretty much the same thing I was doing.

After that experience, my nickname around the barracks was 'Spoon'.

;)

when i was back in high school there were some tunnels that started off of school property and went under the school parking lot as a drainage ditch, the tunnel is barley big enough to crawl through and then it widens out, me n my friend skipped class and went down there to puff down and we finished two joints before we heard sirens and saw cop cars speeding through the parking lot threw a hole for drainage, we wwere freaking out cause we thot they were three for us and we called up a friend who came and picked us up from the tunnel exit, it was a fire drill and we felt stupid as shit

alright, this one is good:

i was high as fuck and went to a party. we were running around outside playing games in the dark, and i was running away from a couple of my friends that were "it" and i ran straight into a barbed wire fence. i got three holes punched in my stomach.

the worst part: a couple of my friends were hiding a few feet away and decided that they'd rather take bets on whether or not i'd run into the fence then warn me that it was there.


another time i was high tubing behind a boat, and i fell off the tube. i thought i felt some seaweed on my legs so i kicked it off. my friend turns the boat around to pick me up, and i get into the boat only to realize that i had kicked off my swimming suit. i ended up wearing a towel the rest of the afternoon

I walked in on my mom in the bathroom. Thats the worst one out of all.

Speaking of the spoon:

I worked with a dude who used some welding rod to break up a constipated ball of hard shit in his ass. It worked. It fuckin' worked.

Thats absolute class jamstigator! I bet that took some living down.

I was break dancing when I was in jumior high (dont ask me why I took up that hobby in that phase in my life but I did) at a school dance and I totally ripped the seam of my pants from the crotch all the way up the back of my ass.

Totally embarassing man. Everyone was in a circle clapping and shit while I was tearing it up (literally).

A couple days later the pictures were posted in the hallway. There I was in my breakdancing glory with my tighty whiteys all hanging out and shit.

"No parking baby.....No parking on the dancefloor!!"

i went to my community college high one day, decided to say fuck class, and as i was leaving i went into the bathroom...when i got there i was like hm this is weird why the fuck arent there urinals? I was high so i didnt think anything of it, then i started to take a piss, in the stall and was like wait a sec...am I in the girls bathroom?! aw shit I thought to myself as I heard someone come in, as I peaked out of the stall I saw this girl, and i was like shit! I AM in the girls bathroom...high as hell I decided to wait till the girl left and just follow right out behind her hoping she didnt turn around, and for some reason I got lucky and she didnt! So I just took off and left and went to go smoke another few bowls

When I was in 8th grade, it was the last few weeks of school so me and my friends thought we'd end it with a bang. So we all decided to come to school drunk as shit (i was young and stupid). SO befor we got on the bus, we took chugs of Captin Morgan, my friend snuck it out his house. Well the school day was pretty fun, untill i started feeling sick. At this point I was piss drunk. So i accedently went into the girls bathroom, and started throwing up in 1 of the stalls, (and all over the rest of the bathroom). And my girlfriend was in their, and all her friends. So it was embarassing as hell. An I got suspended for the rest of the year, and so did my friends.