The most annoying thing you ever did to someone while you were blazed!

Oh, dude, we had this like town carnival shit, and there's this tent where the christians hang out and try to convert people. Me and my friend were blazed as fuck and he decides to go argue with the christians, right? So I go with him, stand there for a while, then get bored and leave, planning to meet him later. A few minutes later, he comes running up to me and he's like "Where's the rest of the weed, jackass?" And I'm like "Right in my pocket, man." And he says "Oh, yeah? Check." So I check my pockets and the weed's gone. And he's like "You fucking dropped it right in front of the christians! They picked it up and asked what it was and I said I had no idea, then I just snuck away." he was so pissed at me.

i once pissed on someones shoe while they slept and blamed it on someone else...


I was laughing my @$$ off for weeks.

Heh, okay.

What happened was, I went to a Turkish wedding celebration with a Turk friend of mine. I got pretty ripped. Then three young girls (17-ish) came up to me and asked me which one I liked best, so I pointed to the hottest of the three. We ended up back at my place. We were going to have sex, but drunk as I was, I was also at least a little paranoid, so I carded her. The numbers added up to her being 17, and she needed to be 18 to be legal, so I pointed this out. She explained to me that when you are born, you are in your first year of life and thus considered to be 1 year old. By that reckoning, she was in her 18th year of life. My little head said, hey, sounds good. My big head said, hmm, really? They count age that way? My little head won that discussion, and we had sex.

Turns out, they count exactly like we do, and she was 17. She was also a virgin. Well, she said she wanted to go out for a soda. Being tired and drunk, and knowing I needed to get up early for work, I was rather a callous jerk and mumbled something like, "Well, okay, and you don't really have to come back, since I need to sleep." (I'm not normally that rude, really!)

Anyway, she comes back, with Turkish cops. They drag me out of bed and into the street, cuff me, throw me in the back of their police car. I'm wondering what the hell is going on, but I pick up the gist of it: that I had sex with an underage virgin. Sitting in the car, I twist off the handcuffs (I was really skinny), but remain sitting there calmly. They notice that I have escaped the cuffs and pull me out, throw me against the car hard and cuff me super tight.

They take me in, and some legal guy from the U.S. embassy shows up and tells me I am in deep doodoo (as if I couldn't figure that much out myself). He explains to me that this is an entrapment scheme, that Turkish families occasionally try to get this to happen (an American to have sex with an underage virgin), so that they can force the guy to marry the girl, then hopefully the guy takes the girl back to the U.S. (where we're all supposedly rich), and then the girl can try to get the rest of the family to the states too, or at least send back money. The alternative to marriage is, of course, a lengthy prison sentence in this situation, in Turkish prison.

Not wanting to go to prison, I tell them okay, I'll marry her. But on the day my wedding is scheduled to occur, I decide I just can't go through with it. I'm a stubborn mofo, and I just can't let myself be legally bullied into marriage, so I go AWOL and hit the beach. (My lieutenant colonel gives me an article 15 for this and strips me one rank.) Obviously, my failure to appear pisses off the family, but we schedule a second wedding date. As the date arrives, I again get stubborn, and again go AWOL to the beach, losing yet another rank from a second field grade article 15. During this timeframe, the Army, fearing that this family might do me some harm, assigns me a bodyguard, and they keep me doing jobs (mainly guard duty and baggage checking) that requires me to be heavily armed...just in case.

Finally, I get smart, and come up with a new option, in an attempt to avoid both marriage and prison. I have a Turkish friend of mine go to the family and he tells them, okay, if I absolutely must, I will marry the girl. But if I *do* marry her, he tells them, I will take her back to the states and turn her into a whore on the streets. I'll beat her, and sell her body to anyone who wants a piece and I will make sure her life is miserable. Or...I will give the family some money, if they forget about the wedding (and prison). My Turk friend works out a deal for three grand to make this happen (a freaking enormous amount of money for Turks). The family has a condition though: we must have the wedding, and she will say no, and thus preserve her/their honor and shame me publicly. This sounds fine to me (hey, at least it's not prison or marriage).

So we have the wedding. I borrow a ring from my bodyguard (just in case the girl says yes). Inside the government building where the wedding is to take place, the family has placed wreaths of flowers, but all of them are facing the wall; this is to shame me or something. Well, the equivalent of a justice of the peace goes through the stuff and asks the girl if she will take me to be her husband and I hold my breath. But, as agreed, she says no, and I whoop with happiness, stand up, hug my bodyguard, hand him back his ring, and we head to the exit laughing and cheering. The family gets really pissed off at my lack of being shamed, and outside the place the girl's father pulls a knife on me. A friend who had come with me (I brought many friends with me that day, for protection) swats the knife out of the guy's hand, and we all hustle out of there.

The Army tells me they are totally willing to get me on a plane out of Turkey more or less immediately...if I am willing to accept a General Under Honorable Conditions discharge. But that sucks, and I refuse, so for the next six months (until my tour of duty and my enlistment itself are over), I have to sleep in a different place every night, because that family is trying to hurt me badly, if not outright kill me.

After six months of just raw survival and watching my back at all times, my tour ends, and I get the hell out of there. Shortly before I leave the country, however, I happen to overhear a briefing for soldiers just entering the country, and they use me as an example of what NOT to do, and what can happen if you screw up and have sex with a Turkish virgin under the age of 18. I have to wonder if they use my experiences as an example to this day.

Thats tight!

Crumbled a bit of oxo in some1s hash in my 6 shooter lol ;)

ah man...me and my friend used to freak each other out when we were stoned as fuck and damn it was irritating. Like....we would be lyin on my bed watchin tv with the lights off at like 2am...and i'd just stare at him for ages...and he would say somethin like "man...why are you looking at me?" and i wouldnt answer and i'd just kep starin at him...and it would really scare him and he would say "man your fuckin scaring me stop it" and i'd stare and stare and stare....and after ages he would be shitting his pants then i would fuckin SCREAM loud as and hit him with pillows and he'd be like ARHGHGHHGH!!! We did that shit to each other all the time....untill we made a truce because it was ruining our highs hahah good times :dance:

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Originally Posted by jamstigator

Heh, okay.

What happened was, I went to a Turkish wedding celebration with a Turk"...big long amazing story....." o, and what can happen if you screw up and have sex with a Turkish virgin under the age of 18. I have to wonder if they use my experiences as an example to this day.

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WOW! You should sell that as movie man, but with more sex and drug use! :thumbsup: :D

Seriously, what a story.

I said the word shoes.. over and over again for 2 and a half hours. while sitting next to my buddy.

A few nights ago...

Me and my friend were chillin at my house, parents out of town.

So we were just chillin in my backyard blazin. smoked a lot like 8 fatty bowls each of some dank bud.

It was SATIVA Stran for sure. I couldn't stop talkin and th inking about my past lol

i talked and mentioned like 100 things for the past and just couldn't stop

he got annoyed as hell lol it was crazy. the next morning he told me that i wouldn't shut up haha

LMAO, you guys are too flippin funny. I killed a roach too early. Twice..... Shit they still used the remains both times. But its not fun getting yelled at when you r high, :( lol. Also getting in the middle of a fight between you and your mom and his mom. HE was to high to talk to his mom, lol. I have no idea how I pulled it off.. lol amazing..