What the fuck have I been doing?

get a job you bum

Okay here's what happened. I got high last night, and i was sitting in my room listening to "Aeroplane Flies High" by Smashing Pumpkins, and the guy said "If i knew where I was going, I would already be there. I would say I'm afraid to die, but I'm more afraid to live." It sounded like something I would say.

Then you know how when you get too high and you see everything in your field of view at once? I saw my entire room at once, and it was fucking disgusting. Then I got up, went to the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror. I said out loud "Its time to make some changes, you are useless, you are nothing but a leech, you need to give back, you need to earn this respect you ask of people, respect for what you have to say doesn't come out of thin air."

And I heard a voice in my head. I heard many voices. I heard every single version of me, every single personality I've ever known. They were all screaming at me "no you're wrong, you've been lazy all your life, even before you found pot, this is the way you are, why try and change it?" And finally, I became the voice in my head that I had never even heard. I became the one that thought I was pathetic. That voice existed in my head, it was just too afraid to speak.

And then I screamed at myself in disgust towards the mirror.

Today I invited my girlfriend over to help me paint my room, clean all the shit off my floors and walls, change my fucking bed sheets. She's my reason to work, she gave me the gift of herself, and I'm going to do everything I can to honor that.

I couldn't do this without her.

aw, precious.

but i think 17 is a little early to be having a midlife crisis. dont sweat it man.

(i know this sounds hypocritical, just chill for a minute) dude, you took that shit WAY fucking hard on yourself! damn, you're supposed to be HAPPY when you're high! just take baby steps lol you can still smoke just make it an occasional thing or somethin...idk nevermind what i say im so fucking stoned lol

^ true dude. that's all nice stuff and congrats to you, but you should only be scared like this when you 're like mid-twenties and this is still going on.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by moeburn

Okay here's what happened. I got high last night, and i was sitting in my room listening to "Aeroplane Flies High" by Smashing Pumpkins, and the guy said "If i knew where I was going, I would already be there. I would say I'm afraid to die, but I'm more afraid to live." It sounded like something I would say.

Then you know how when you get too high and you see everything in your field of view at once? I saw my entire room at once, and it was fucking disgusting. Then I got up, went to the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror. I said out loud "Its time to make some changes, you are useless, you are nothing but a leech, you need to give back, you need to earn this respect you ask of people, respect for what you have to say doesn't come out of thin air."

And I heard a voice in my head. I heard many voices. I heard every single version of me, every single personality I've ever known. They were all screaming at me "no you're wrong, you've been lazy all your life, even before you found pot, this is the way you are, why try and change it?" And finally, I became the voice in my head that I had never even heard. I became the one that thought I was pathetic. That voice existed in my head, it was just too afraid to speak.

And then I screamed at myself in disgust towards the mirror.

Today I invited my girlfriend over to help me paint my room, clean all the shit off my floors and walls, change my fucking bed sheets. She's my reason to work, she gave me the gift of herself, and I'm going to do everything I can to honor that.

I couldn't do this without her.

---

you need to see a psychologist and i'm not even trying to be funny... that's nothing less than textbook schizophrenia

i just wanted to say good for you man.

Yeah don't feel too bad, you have a girlfriend at least. I have a friend who is going on 20 now, quit his job, dropped out of college, cleared out his bank account smoking crack and now lives with his grandmother and sleeps 16 hours a day.

i think that the greatest gratification in life comes from accomplishment and work. I enjoy weed and its affects, but it doesnt control me. I think that it is good for a person to determine what their own capacity for drug induction is, and find a decent balance. I dissaprove severely of the illegality of weed, but its societal predeterminizations undermine its ability to change face in the eyes of most americans. I hope that you can find that balance and be comforatable in your life. I am only 16 years old, but i am already begginning a modeling career and publishing a book on philosophy. I plan on joining the Marines and later becoming an Astronomer, but until then, I make the difficult choice to work hard and gain knowledge. The worst thing you can do is to sit around and accomplish nothing every day. A continual lack of predelictions upon work and school will result in your eventual chaotic and depressing downfall. Something earned is so much more gratifying than something taken or recieved.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by moeburn

Does anyone else find it fucking disgusting that I've spent the past few years of my life smoking pot and playing video games, without a job or any school work, in a fucking filthy room living in my parent's basement?

goddamn I've wasted my life...

---

There's ppl who can smoke and handle the shit they are suppose to handle.
Then there's the folks that sit the fuck back all day and have their mind revolve around bud all muthafuckin day long.
It's cool if u like smokin bud and all, but life is too short to not go out there and get yours. To me a man who doesn't have any goals and visions for the future is not complete. For a man to sit there and blaze wastin life it's juz somethin I alwayz failed to fuckin comprehend...
It's all in the head pplz...all in the head...