My wife and I have been through an abortion, a miscarriage, and the birth of our daughter. In that order. Going through all these experiences has really taught me a few things and shaped my current views on abortion. Below is our story and my views. Sorry if it's a bit long winded but it was hard to shorten it down.
The Abortion- Shortly after we were married we learned that my wife had gotten pregnant. We were usually very careful but somehow it happened. At that time were were both unemployed. My wife was not a U.S. citizen and at that time she was only in the U.S. temporarily, and her ultimate immigration status was in question. We knew she had to leave the country in a few months and didn't know when she would be back. Even without a pregnancy it was a very traumatic time for us. It was a bad time to have a baby so we decided that my wife would get an abortion. It was the most difficult decision that we ever had to make. The deciding factor was not based on our selfishness (as many pro-lifers would have you to believe) but on the fact that we did not feel that we could provide a decent life for a child at that time.
The Miscarriage- Six years later my wife and I both had very good jobs in the high tech industry, we were about to purchase our own house in a good neighborhood, and the time was right. We wanted a baby. Within a few weeks my wife was pregnant and we were so happy. Our parents were all ecstatic at the news they would be grandparents. Everything was good. At 10 weeks we were scheduled to go into see the docs and get the first ultrasound. Ironically, it was the morning of the appointment that my wife started to have a little bleeding which was a bad thing. When the doc did the ultrasound he told us there was no heartbeat. My wife was bleeding because she was having a miscarriage. It crushed us.
Our Daughter- After the miscarriage we were pretty shooken up. Although neither of us mentioned it then we both wondered if it wasn't some karmic payback for the abortion. We waited a year or so and then decided to to try again. At my wifes 10 week appointment we were incredibly nervous. And then, one of the greatest moments of my life, when the doc did the ultrasound we heard my daughter's heartbeat for the very first time. Four months later our daughter was born. She was 7 weeks early but strong as an ox. She just turned two in July.
One thing we learned when my wife had a miscarriage is that a staggering percentage of pregnancies actually end in a miscarriage during the first trimester. Estimates are anywhere from 30%-70%. No one is really sure exactly since many times it happens before the woman even knows she's pregnant and she just thinks it is a heavy period because she was a bit late. It seems that the first 10 weeks of fetus development are incredibly complex and a lot can go wrong. When it does, a misscarriage is essentially natures way of aborting the fetus. The docs even call it a spontanious abortion. There is really nothing anyone can do to prevent it. It isn't even until the end of the first trimester that the fetus is really developed enough to even see if it is going to be ok.
So..
1. Too many children are born into poverty to parents that can not, or will not, provide a good life for them. Or to parents that will possibly resent them and not love them. It is far better to end a pregnacy than to force a child to be born into these condidtions.
2. No matter what anyone might say, getting an abortion is an incredibly difficult choice for the woman, and in many cases the man, to make.
3. Abortion should be a last resort for a one-time mistake. While I don't propose any legal limits on how many abortions a person can have, it is not a form of birth control. I work with a girl whose had three abortions. This is just irresponsible. I mean come on folks, everyone can make a mistake, just learn from it.
4. There should be no restrictions on getting an abortion during the first trimester. During this early stage of development there is no way in hell a fetus could survive outside of the mother and a good percentage of them don't survive in the mother. This is the time when nature will end a pregnacy if it has made a mistake so it is not unreasonable that humans use this time for that purpose as well.
5. I would not be against some restrictions on early 2nd trimester abortions. Two or three months is ample time to make the decision so after that you have to start wondering "why now". I haven't really thought out exactly how it should be restricted. Possibly a review and approval by a social worker and/ or psychologist. Something like that.
6. Late 2nd/3rd trimester abortions should be limited to cases where there is risk to the mother and/or where there is evidence that the fetus has some kind of disorder such as down's syndrome, etc.
7. Fuck any Bible thumper who wants to tell other people they can't get an abortion based on their own religous views. And for their sake, if they ever call me or especially my wife a "baby killer" they better damn well hope their really is a God to save their sorry ass.
That's what I think.
