whats the difference between a black person and a bench? a bench can support a family haha( im not racist but i think its funny )
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whats the difference between a black person and a bench? a bench can support a family haha( im not racist but i think its funny )
Billy was on holiday in America and didn't speak very good English. It was his last day and he was heading to the airport to fly home, but first he needed to buy a few things.
He ends up going to the store and asking the clerk for some "BUM". She sits there and thinks for awhile and then says, "Oh you must mean gum."
Then he goes to the fish store and askes if he could get some "FUCK IT". The fish man thinks and says, "Oh I get it, you must mean Bucket (bucket of fish)"
Billy shakes his head as YES.
Then he makes a trip to the pet store and says, "Could I get a cock and spank it?" The pet store owner says "Oh you must mean Cocker Spaniel."
Billy shakes his head YES.
He finally makes it to the airport where he will be catching his flight.
When he gets there he askes this guy...
"Could you hold my bum and fuck it while I get my cock and spank it"
One day a man was golfing, his swing drove the ball through someones window and broke a vase. The family braught the glass into the garage and a man was there. He says "I am a genie, I'll give you each a wish". The husband asks for $1,000,000 in the bank and the wife wishes for a never ending life. "Wishes granted, now that I've made your wishes true I have a wish of my own" said the Genie. "What's that?" said the Husband. "I wish to sleep with your wife". The genie sleeps with his wife, and after sex the Genie tells the wife "is your Husband stupid?", she replies "No, he finished school, why would you say that?".. The genie says "Oh, it's amazing that he still beleives in genies, what a dumbass!.."
hahah.
Three men went to hell.
The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"
He then opened the doors to the three rooms.
Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.
Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.
Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee.
The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.
They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't care for the rep really, but here's one I always get a good laugh at:
Two guys Bob and Tim are talking. Tim asks Bob, "What did you get your wife for valentines day?"
Bob: I got her a diamond ring and a mercedes benz
Tim: Why did you get her that?
Bob: Well, if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she can look good driving it back.
Tim: Oh...
Bob: What did you get your wife?
Tim: I just got her some slippers and a dildo.
Bob: Really? Why did you get her that?
Tim: Well if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.
Oh, and sorry girls, it's just a joke, hope no one gets offended. :wtf::)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AR15
lmfao... ok that's funny..
LMFAO that was fucking hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!! definately getting rep for that one :pQuote:
Originally Posted by AR15
No need for disclaimers sir.Quote:
Originally Posted by cavmanfotwent
a man goes to a swimming pool and the lifegaurd says be careful and the man says thank you and he enjoys a nice afternoon of swimming
40 Things You'd Like to Say Out Loud at Work
1 I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.
2 I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3 How about never? Is never good for you?
4 I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5 I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6 I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7 I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8 I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9 It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10 Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11 I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12 You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13 I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14 I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15 I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16 Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17 The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18 Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19 What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20 I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21 It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22 Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23 And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24 Do I look like a people person?
25 This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26 I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27 Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28 If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29 Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30 Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31 I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32 A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33 Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34 Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35 Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36 Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
37 How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38 I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.
39 Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40 Oh I get it... like humour... but different.