Your stance on cheating ...
It sounds like you rationalized cheating because your boyfriend didn't seem to show enough concern for you, but the truth is, you wanted to have sex with another man because you were drinking and felt lustful, right? Because if your boyfriend's behavior really really is so bad that it makes you want to cheat, maybe he's not the man for you. As it stands now, you did something wrong that will probably cost you the relationship if you tell your boyfriend what you did. You will need to decide whether it is better to be honest and lose him, or keep it to yourself and deal with the guilt. Only you know what is right at this point, but you will need to think about either staying in control of your "cheatin" urges while in a relationship (granted that's not always easy, but that is what commitment to another requires - sacrifice) , or else be with men who sleep around too.
I think you already know all of this and just needed a sounding board. No judgement here. Everybody makes mistakes, but you should think about what caused this one so it doesn't happen again.
Your stance on cheating ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by 420MissHighTimes420
hahahaha see wut I mean u always post right b4 I get a chance too.
LOL!
And we said basically the same thing. Common sense is great.
Good luck finding a better relationship!
Your stance on cheating ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by psteve
LOL!
And we said basically the same thing. Common sense is great.
Good luck finding a better relationship!
Thanks! I'm excited about looking, I want someone older. Dating is fun, since me and my boyfriend never went out. hes so lammeeeeee. I called to break up with him, and he didn't answer, just proved to me that much more that this is over. Asshole. He better call me back soon.
Your stance on cheating ...
your just going to call him?... ok..
i always ended relationships in person.. to make sure its what i really want. and for respect for the other person...
Your stance on cheating ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlAzInIt4:20
your just going to call him?... ok..
i always ended relationships in person.. to make sure its what i really want. and for respect for the other person...
If we were more serious I would do it in person. ... good excuse? no, I'm being immature, and I don't care, it's going to be tough enough to do it on the phone let alone in person. I have a really hard time hurting peoples feelings, and I don't want to see it. :(
Your stance on cheating ...
Either way it's going to be difficult for both of you, but you'll get over it.
Save the heartache for a more serious relationship.
Your stance on cheating ...
*this may seem harsh, but please just read it all the way through first, i'm just letting you know my view on things, and if anything i say seems out of line (because i don't personally know you, the boyfriend, the guy you cheated on him with, or the situation), then i apologize.*
yes, i have broken up with someone over the phone before, but i feel like it's a cowardly thing to do. especially if you're going to tell him that you had sex with someone else. whether or not you guys were really serious, that will be a slap in the face to him. to hear that sort of information over the phone, and then for you to break up with him (again, i don't know if you're going to tell him about the guy you had sex with, or the situation - the drinking - or anything like that), but regardless of whether or not you are going to tell him that, no one wants to be broken up with over the phone. like i said, i believe that to be cowardly. i'm the same way, i hate hurting people and especially seeing their faces when it happens, but the most responsible and mature thing to do, to me, is to break up with him in person.
to answer the original "whats your stance on cheating", for the thread, cheating is never ok. no matter what. it shows that you don't have respect for the person that you are in a relationship with. even a drunken fuck shows that. because you didnt care enough about the person you were in a relationship to say "woah now, this isn't a good idea." i know that you were drunk, but honestly, you shouldn't have let yourself even be in that situation if you knew it was a possibility (the cheating, not the drinking, although that did contribute, so it probably was a bad idea, if you see it that way). to me, cheating is never ok. ever. it shows a tremendous amount of disrespect for the person you are actually in a relationship with. it shows that you don't really care about them, their feelings, what they think. and you can backtrack and say that you really do, but honestly, would you have let yourself get that drunk and fuck someone else if you really cared? you have to think about it that way. i'm not trying to sound harsh or anything at all, but most of the relationships i've been in, i've been cheated on. and that's fucking painful as hell, regardless of whether or not it's a serious relationship. i think that it shows that you're obviously not important enough to that person, that you're not good enough for them - that they're not satisfied with just you. at least that's the way i felt about it when it happened to me on multiple occasions. i believe that cheating is never right, and if you have the desire to be with someone else, then break it off with your standing relationship first, out of respect for the person that you are in a relationship with. no one likes to be cheated on. it fucking hurts :( the only silver lining i can see from myself being cheated on so many times is that i have never cheated on anyone and i will never cheat on anyone. ever. because i've been hurt too many times because of it, and i don't want to inflict the same pain on someone else. i know how it feels, and damn it's hard.
but please, even though it's not too serious of a relationship, don't break up with him over the phone. i just don't think it's the right way to go about things - you've already probably hurt him enough by cheating on him (if you're going to tell him about it)
not trying to sound preachy or bitchy, or tell you what to do, just giving you my opinion that i feel is somewhat valuable, seeing as that i've been cheated on numerous times (i feel like i've been cheated on so much because i'm such a passive person, give people way more chances than they deserve....but i like to try and see the good in people, and think that maybe things will change. but to me, once a cheater, always a cheater - who's to say it won't happen again?) even with future relationships, if they asked if you've ever cheated on someone, and you tell them that you have, they're probably going to be like "ehhhh...will she cheat on me?" it could cause a certain amount of distrust in whatever future relationships you have, serious or not. again, i'm not trying to pass judgement on you, i'm just telling you how i see things, in hopes of helping you out :)
i hope that everything gets worked out for you, and you don't have to go through too much heartache :)
Your stance on cheating ...
I've been dumped in person and over the phone. There's no difference.
It sucks. Then you get over it and move on.
Your stance on cheating ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by psteve
I've been dumped in person and over the phone. There's no difference.
It sucks. Then you get over it and move on.
yeah, i understand what you're saying. but to me it just shows that you have much more respect for the person if you break up with them to their face. especially if she's going to tell him that she had sex with someone else. especially if she tells him that. otherwise, if she tells him that and breaks up with him over the phone, it most likely will make her seem cowardly, like she couldn't face him in person to do it. maybe that's how she feels - like it'll be too hard to do it in person, i dunno. but my above advice was just my two cents, which i thought might be helpful since i've been through a lot of bullshit with relationships and cheating as well. just trying to help a fellow stoner out :)
Your stance on cheating ...
blazed babe I'm really glad that you said all of that to me. I have never been cheated on before so i never knew how it felt. I cheated on another boyfriend of mine back 3 years ago. I felt horrible, but I then also broke up because of it. I deffinatly learned from this, next time I'm not going to be in a relationship where I'm going to cheat. Even though I wont know how he feels I can imagine and it's probably horrible. I know what I did was wrong, and I don't blame it on alchol at all, it was going to happen, that just made it easier. It's such a shame I did this, it makes me feel like a idoit because I didnt think about how it would make him feel at all. I am still going to do it over the phone because I would honestly rather someone break up with me over the phone. If some one was going to call me and tell me that they had disrespected me, and made me look bad I wouldnt want to see them. I dont want to make him drive a half hour (I dont have a car) so he can come and me tell him some shitty stuff and them have him go home. I wouldnt want to chill with him after being a bitch. I guess it's immature, but he is too. I honestly feel like he would rather me do it on the phone.
Do you think I should bring up the other things that were wrong with our relationship? I feel like he needs to know so he can learn from it. Even though I messed up, it was one time. He has treated me like striaght shit for a while. He has used the hell out of me, hes been really selfish and unreliable. Hes never there when I need him, and he is the one person in the world I cant be myself around. I feel like I need to be a better person when I see him. Its so stupid that I make sure I look perfect and am happy when I see him, most people I'm chill and myself around but him I can't. But I don't want to call him and tell him even more bad things. But he really should know because some stuff he does is messed up and I dont wnt him to treat other girls like me.
Sorry about the length of this