Printable View
ok basically samwhore bongh!ts an i kinda hijacked this ladys thread and there was a discussion about 15 year old mothers being irresponsible
this is intended to be a civilized discussion/debate/etc. so dont just post/vote if all yr guna say is "they're dumbasses and you guys are all wrong and im right"
oops forgot to put the poll thing on there
im not makin a new thread so if ppl can jus state they opinion that b good i guess
i don't think there is any set age/responsibilty level...
some very young parents can be the most attentive responsible parents in the world... and som eolder parents can be the most neglectful parents... just varies person to person...
mothers 15-19 are 2-3 times as likely to die durring child birth as mothers in their 20's. Girls under 15 are 5 times as likely to die. For those of you who may doubt that this information comes from the article "key issues affecting the status of women" by Sadik.
In our society young people are not allowed the chance to be good parents, nor are they socialized to be good parents. In areas where people are expected to mature faster and have families younger, yes people can be good parents at a fairly young age. Regardless of this though, being a teen age mother is almost always bad for a womans autonomy. They have more barriers to their education which contributes to fewer economic oportunities.
19 and new mom here with a 7 month old. I had to grow up pretty fast. At 15 I moved out. Shortly after I turned 16 bought my first house with my now husband. Took 2 years off school to work. Went back to school stoned for every class. Graduted with honors 8 months pregnant and married. I'm a rare case and have had the oppertnity to witness teenage moms, both 15 and 19, in both cases they are leading very irresponisible live, which got them pregnant in the first place. The 19 year old has lost her baby but can very easily get her back but isn't willing to do the 2 months work to get her back. She's given up on the baby even though she really misses her and herself. The 15 year old is growing up and working it out with her parents help. When it comes to being a teenage mother it entirely depends on the support system you have and the drive to haul ass and prepare, you have 10 whole months use them to tie up loose ends and get ready.
howd you buy a house at 16..? im just wondering...what kinda bomb job did you have?
but in regards to the thread i agree with slip..some young are much better than some old...subjective
im getting my own house as soon as i get my drivers liscence and my marriage completeQuote:
Originally Posted by notransfer
haha i wish i had a house
' now you want me to speculate about what you do...'
- max cherry, jackie brown
yeah but im from the rez an my tribe gives its members money (revenue from tha casino) minors get $3,000 every 3 months and once i turn 18 or get married i'll be gettin $2,500 every 2 weeksQuote:
Originally Posted by notransfer
I talked to his mom and got her to put it in her name. we took care of the down payment and all monthly payments. we also added an addition to the back of our house and built out the master bedromm and re did the whole kitchen, she just got our mortgage increased. we all agree the house is ours so well change the name when we get around to it.Quote:
Originally Posted by notransfer
thats basically exactly what i was going to do, but if we get married we're both getting $2,500 every 2 weeks instead of $3,000 every 3 months and i can actually put the house in my name instead of getting sum1 ta put it in their nameQuote:
Originally Posted by Chronic Chrissy
I think there are probably 15-year-olds in existence who can be very responsible parents, just like there are 15-year-olds who can be responsible babysitters or students or employees. But in the case of parenting, they're definitely usually at a disadvantage just because they're not as emotionally mature, intellectually developed or financially secure as they will be later on. I've seen kids make very irresponsible decisions that result in their becoming pregnant and having a baby before they're ready who then become very responsible parents after the child is born.
It's been my experience that the most highly responsible 15-year-olds of all are usually wise enough to either postpone sexual activity till later or take the necessary steps to prevent accidental pregnancy in the first place.
I think there's a time in your life when you're just...ready..but no specific age, because like birdgirl and others, it depends on the person. But in most cases, a young mother thinks she is ready and is not, and is then overwhelmed and gives up on things that seem out of reach and require a lot of work and shit. BUT then there's mommy's like chrissy who come along and show us that with a little effort (and maybe some good luck?), you can get far and accomplish shit.
I dunno, my high ass is rambling I guess.
that rez thing is SICKKKK
I think young parents can be responsible. My sister had a kid at 15, she takes good care of him and all, but every since she had the kid, shes been a total bitch. I think it has alot to do with her boyfriend though. Ive beat the bricks off that mofucker twice for runnin his mouth to my moms. ANyways, responsible, possibly.
I pretty much agree with BabyFace. While there will always be cases of exceptional young mothers, I would imagine that the vast majority of young (15-17) mothers are simply not preparared. I know what I was like when I was 15 and ther is no way in hell I could have been a good parent at that age. In fact, my wife and I waited until I was 34 and she was 31 before deciding to have a child, simply because we wanted to wait until we were both emotionally and financially capable of giving a child the best life possible.Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyFacedAbortion
I was pretty much thinking along the same lines birdgirl. I would think that getting pregnant at 15 is a good indication of a person's responsibility or, more specifically, lack of.Quote:
Originally Posted by birdgirl73
Despite my general opinion of 15yo mothers, there are two key points I should make
-While I may think it's irresponsible for a 15yo girl to get pregnant, I think it's just as irresponsible for a 15yo guy to get a girl pregnant.
-Irresponsible parents come in all ages, shapes, and forms. There is nothing saying that a 25-30yo will automatically be a better parent and there are plenty of examples out there of older people being crappy parents too.
Thats crazy? WHat tribe?Quote:
Originally Posted by JeenYuss
as far as teenage mothers go... i think generally the majority of them are irrisponcible... altough like some of you stated there are exceptions...
Saginaw Chippewa Indian Tribe from Mount Pleasant, MichiganQuote:
Originally Posted by xmordeciax
but really that aint shit theres some seminole tribe i think in florida that their members get $50,000 every 3 months
can u say LAMBO or maybe 4
not to mention my weight in weed
Depends on the parents, nice of you to continue this conversation somewhere else.
I already tried to prove my point, and I really dont want to post all that again.
Irresponsible?? No.. Un-educated and Unprepared Yea.Quote:
Originally Posted by JeenYuss
good point:)Quote:
Originally Posted by Prunedale
not all the time but a majority
Typically I would say young parents are irresponsible. I mean, lets face it, how many young parents even intended to be parents to begin with? So chances are, that right there is one sign of some irresponsibility. Plus, at a young age typically the responsible thing to do is be in school and then go to a trade school or college... Not make babies when you probably cant really even afford it... Finally, how can you responsibly raise a new life when you havent really lived life yourself to begin with?!
I suppose all one can do though is the best they can in a situation like that... I certainly dont think it is ideal and dont think anyone should encourage it.
yes but notice your heavy usage of "typically" "chances are" etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by someuser
my main point is there are more responsible 15 year olds out there then you think, only the bad ones get credit/bad rep for bein bad an the good ones like me get jack shit
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeenYuss
Why do you need credit or good rep for doing a good job? The irresponsible parent is a negitive thing and a negitive thing is a problem that needs attention to be fixed. A responsible or positive parent doesn't need to be fixed and is doing fine on it's own. Parenting itself is the all the reward you need. I look to my child to see I've done a good job because that is the only accurate critic. The fact that you are looking for the people around you to \reassure you and tell you you're doing good shows you have some immature insecurities, and a need to prove yourself to others. If you are a young parent one of things you must do is is do it for yourself and the child only and no one else. It has to be important enough for you to want to do it and want to do a good job to have the chance to be honored being a parent, as well as do it to be there for your child to have the best life you can give them, if you don't have a healthy balance between the two the situation tends to breed tensions on all side in this generation and the next.
thats not exactly what i meant, i dont give a fuck what people think about me, but society groups me in with all the rest of the irresponsible teenagers, like if i can have my own house, have my own car, have a kid, be a good parent, be a good husband, work a 9-5, be in college and so many other things, why cant i go buy me a pack of newports or a rillo when i need one? they can send you to war at 18, you can go fuckin lose your leg or arm for your country and then cant even come back and enjoy a drink or anything?Quote:
Originally Posted by Chronic Chrissy
they arent sending 15 year olds to war, at least not in this country.
im sure if you read what was said you may or may not notice that it says they can send you to war at 18Quote:
Originally Posted by napolitana869
So you are mad because you can't buy booze or smokes but you can own a house and go to war at 18?:wtf: WTF does that have to do with being a good parent. In my opinion when you become a parent the smoking goes out the window and the drinking turns into one or two glasses a week with your spouse to do something special on the weekend. How can you afford smokes and booze while finishing school, even if you have a full time job you can' squeeze the extra money for you extras unless you take money away from what the baby and your partner need. If you really want to know the thruth I didn't just move out one day la di da. I went throught court systems and CFS, I fought hard to move out and became emancipated, which freed me from my parents custody and granted me my own gaurdianship. I was given a special little card that allowed me to sign legal documents and take advantage of what adults here had the right to, which ment I could also walk into a bar at 16 and buy a drink. Took a while to explain, show my card and get verification from the government that I was indeed allowed, it was a lengthy process but after a few faxes I could go out to the bar. But I worked my ass off getting that little card, signing contracts that said I would finish school or be charged with fruad.Quote:
Originally Posted by JeenYuss
Here 18 is the magic number and I think that is wrong. I would prefer the drinking age be 21 because most of the time anyone I've ever seen drinking under that age has abused alcohol, getting right wasted and doing very irresponsible things. Yes people over 21 drink irresponsibly too but not in the mass numbers all collected in one place, and not till they pass out and do stupid shit they don't even remember. The other thing too is the having 18 the age makes it easier for 15 and 16 year olds to get into the bar and buy stuff. After a while of fucking with the long process of the card I just picked up a fake ID and my problems getting into bars was solved.
So here's the question. How old are you? How old is your child? What's your living arrangment with your family(spouse and child)? Have finished highschool? Do you support your spouse and child fully, or do you and your spouse at least support your family soully without the help of others for money? Do you live in a safe area of town? DO you protect your child from smoking and being in the presence of intoxicated people? Do you spend all the free time you have with your child because you want to?
Just having a baby and a place to live doesn't make you a responsible parent or bring you closer to being an adult. A crack hoar can pop out 5 kids in four years and live in a car, doesn't make her a responsible adult.
You tell us the whole situation and we'll tell you if you're a responsible parent. Don't come here and whine because you can't buy smokes and booze, and because society has created a steriotype which you are judged upon.
I walked across the stage to recieve my diploma with honors on top of it, 8 months pregnant. People didn't see a home owner with a job and husband, people saw a teenage who made it just in time. I remember hearing the whispers as I walked up there, the whole room was humming. My family video taped it and won't let me see it because it picked up comments from people in the audience. I know about steriotyping and hold my head high against it. It still happens in stores or going for walks, or just getting out. It doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is how much happy time and love I invest in my child and teaching my child to break away from the blind society and see life for what it is.
I'm done rambling. I though you were a proud young parent who was a little down by glares and whispers. Not some kid crying about wanting to drink and smoke.:wtf:
i would have a response if that had any relevance to what i was trying to say...Quote:
Originally Posted by Chronic Chrissy
the only thing i really have to say about the whole thing is smoking out the window when you have a kid? fuck no
smoking is not wrong, bad, impractival, or immoral, if my child wants to smoke when he gets older(like mid teens) i wont have a problem with it
also i do not have a kid, i dont see where anywhere i stated that i had a child or anything of the sort
oh yeah, one more thing, money is not an issue, the crack whore thing was a bad example because i stated "have kid, have house, be good parent"
im 16 and a half million dollar home is well within my price range
I think they can be responsible parents, but they often compromise their own well-being in the process. Of course it is better to wait, but it is possible to be a good teen mother.
IMO being a good parent is the most difficult thing to do(also the most important job you will ever have), even for a mature, experienced adult.
I was mature for my age as a teen but I was nowhere near ready to handle the GIGANTIC responsibility of parenthood. Though I might have thought otherwise at the time.
What, may I ask, do you do at 16 that puts a $500k home within your price range? Do you know what it takes to be able to afford a $500k home at today's interest rates? Not trying to argue with you but that would put your income well over the median income for the country.Quote:
Originally Posted by JeenYuss
The house probably has to be on the reservation. When the casino laws change, profits drop, casino closes down, he can't afford the payments, or something else, there goes the house.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fengzi
Yeah, I reread the entire thread and saw that once he gets married he and his wife are supposed to be pulling in $120k per year, just for living on the reservation. LOL, it must be nice. Still, I don't really count that as being able to say that a $500K house in well within his range. At today's interest rates, if he had outstanding credit (impossible at 16), $500k would probably be at the very top of the range. Maybe, and that's assuming any lender is going to give a 16yo kid a loan for that much. Which, given the curent sub-prime mortgage debacle, isn't likely. Not to mention the fact that, as you point out, he probably has to stay on the reservation.
I think this is actually a good example of why 15-16 year olds aren't likely to be good parents. They think they know enough about life, money, having kids, etc. But they really don't. There is a lack of wisdom about the big wide world that only comes with age. They don't want to admit it, but they will, once they turn 25 or 30. We've all been there, at 15 and 16 we thought we know it all. By the time your 30 you realize you didn't know shit. It just takes getting out there and getting repeatedly bitch slapped by reality to make us realize it.
Don't get me wrong Jeenyuss, I'm not questioning your integrity, character, or intentions. I'm just saying that more often than not, life has a way of fucking things up and making them turn out differently than expected. In my opinion, until a person has experienced enough of this, and come to terms with it, they shouldn't be a parent. Hell, it took me until I was 34 before I was ready.
I had a friend my age, moving out for the first time come to me to help her buy things like towels, dish rack, shower curtain, kinda stock up for her new place. She expected to buy everything she needed for like $70. Then I broke everything down for her, and got into other costs of living on her own that she "overlooked". I couldn't believe that she didn't know anything about simple household responsibilities such as cleaning, chores, cooking and eating properly, and basic maintinance(such as vacuuming her carpet to keep it clean:wtf: ). They also don't seem to understand that single dollars add up and hidden charges are everywhere. Sure the better chips only $.50 more but add $.10-$.50 for every item in the cart and they have no money left after groceries. I think at some point in time teenagers could make adult lives for themselves and been prepared but in todays society we have lost the value, foundation, and respect when it comes to our children that prevents them from assuming the responsibility that at one point would be given to a child at that age. Whether we hold it back or they fuck it up, the children of this society are no longer though capible of handling such. There was a time where children did the workings of the family and household while parents provided for and guilded them. Children cooked, cleaned, raised other children, and educated eachother effectively because it was a way of life, now chances are an adult in their early twentys can't manage the lifeload that a 10year old in the past once dilivered upon. Anyways we've created the downfall of society which is currently degenerating and we are letting it run with out any resistence.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fengzi
Agreed!Quote:
Originally Posted by Chronic Chrissy
Children in North American pioneer days were expected to do adult tasks - and usually did. One of my 4th great grandfathers, when he was thirteen, drove a wagon filled with his families' goods and belongings, pulled by oxen, solo through the wilderness of the Catskill mountains, because his parents and the rest of the family, including young children, were able to take an easier route. They started in Massachusetts. This boy was only about 13 years old at the time - the 1780's. I couldn't do something like that today!
no matter who says what
any kid that had a kid will be hard timing
all parents no matter what age at soem point are irresponsible
no one is perfect
the only way to learn is by fucking up
too bad it has to be at the expense of a childhood