Let's all lighten up (pun intended) ... Use this thread to post your favorite joke or cartoon that you want us to see.
Cmon, dare you, make me laugh.
I don't know a lot of good jokes, so I'm going with a cartoon.
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Let's all lighten up (pun intended) ... Use this thread to post your favorite joke or cartoon that you want us to see.
Cmon, dare you, make me laugh.
I don't know a lot of good jokes, so I'm going with a cartoon.
whats the hardest part about eating vegetables...
wait for it, wait for it, wait for it....
taking them out of their wheelchair first....
hehe...how do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a round room and tell her to find the corner :D
^lmao
hehe
These are my favourite funny pics from my collection. :D
here is a freaky one for ya
awwwww
how do u know a blondes been on your computer?? there's tippex on the screen (white-out for the americans)!!!
How do u know another blonde's been on your computer? Theres writing on the tippex on the screen!!
Hehe, sorry to all you blondes out there...don't mean to offend anyone :D
Hugs xxxx
lmao blondes yup.........lol hehe
ok ive got 1......
There's a bus full of ugly people, and what happenes is they are going along a motorway and they all crash and die(not the funny part). after they die they all go up to heaven, and they are lining outside the gates of heaven. God comes out and calles to all of them '' before you all enter my domain, i shall grant you all one wish each!'', so he goes to the first man in line''what is you wish?'',''make me good-looking!'' he replies, second person''make me beautiful''so on a so fourth, and has god gets down the line he realises that everyone is wishing for the same wish, and he notices and the very end there is a man laughing his head off about everyone's wishes. So god carries along this line full of ugly people, all asking for the same wish ''make me good-looking...'' etc etc. By the time god gets to this man at the end of the line, he is already on the floor laughing his head off. ''What seems to be so funny my fellow man?'' god questioned. by the time he had calmed down and got up, sorted himself out, the man goes 'hhaaa haaa haaa oh nothing nothing, may i have my wish now?'', ''very well'' god replies.''what would you wish like to be?''.......the man points down the long line to the front,''make them all ugly again!''.
HAHAHA
man that first picQuote:
Originally Posted by Button Basher
shocking and creep as hell is that real ? i keep thinking
"talk about digging for gold there buddy'
then i think the poor guy probly lost his eye and nasal passage some how
and feel sorry for him
LOL
tee hee
Ok. I'm chuckling.
How about the stoner who finds a genie bottle on the beach. He turns it into a bong, and the first hit he exhales .... a genie appears. Like a good genie he asks "You got one wish, whaddah you want?"
The stoner looks around and sees his bag of green is full ... no prob there. He opens his cooler and looks in -- a 6-pack and a half left. No problem there.
It hits him like a rock. Sex. He turn to the genie and says "Hey wispy old guy, how about a little head?"
And that's how I got this tiny little pin head.
heres a good one: what does a stoner take when hes broke? he drinks listerine
LMFAO
what do you call a chav in a microwave? bling!
what is a chavs favourite ice cream flavour? mint!
what ya call a chav in a cardboard box? innit
theres a stupid chav, clever chav, santa and the easter bunny, they all jump off a cliff............who hits the bottom first...........the dumb chav..........the others don't exist (sorry 2 dissapoint xnoa who though santa was gunna get him a joint 4 xmas:P)
following on from that.....a blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff...who lands first? the brunette, the blonde stopped and asked for directions...HAHAHA Goodnight all xxxxxxxxxxx
a mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "im sorry sir, we dont serve your kind here, youll have to leave"
the mushroom replys "why not, im a fungi!?" <<(fungi- fun guy)
wow that joke sucked! haha
a man enters in a 10$ dance bar, and ask the woman if she is the one soing blowjobs. the girls answers yes, so the guy says ok wash your hands and make me a sandwich. lol
a man enters a bar and shits on mellow mood for dissing my joke
or liquid paper for australians lolQuote:
Originally Posted by KottonMouthSara
Buckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla, "How do
>you spell 'dumb'?"
>
>Darla says, "D-u-m-b, dumb."
>
>The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
>
>She says, "Buckwheat is dumb"
>
>The teacher says, "Now spell 'stupid'."
>
>Darla says, "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid."
>
>The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
>
>Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."
>
>Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, "Buckwheat, spell
>dictate."
>
>Buckwheat stands and says, "D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."
>
>The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
>
>"I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"
This one kept me laughing for a while :)
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.
They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. It worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"
The cabdriver hit a parked car
A man walks into a bar and orders 7 shots of vodka. "Why so much alcohol?" the bartender asks. " I had my first blowjob today", he tells the bartender. "Congratulations!, in that case have another shot on the house says the bartender. So the man says, "Thats alright, if 7 doesn't get the taste out nothing will."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sentinel
lol good one ,classical canadian joke
thats why i like these canadians ppl :)
This isnt exactly a joke but about a year ago i took my brothers to see our dad he lives in the bush.The whole way in the car he kept on saying pull over pull over i gotta push one out it was disgusting but fuck it was making me laugh as the toilets were very few and far between.Anyways i didnt pull over so he could push one out but he was very very happy when we drove through a town and he seen mc donalds.I said there ya go now get pushing and hurry up lol
knock knock
who's there
Tuna
Tuna who?
You can Tuna piano but you can't tuna fish
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? .... Nacho cheese
i like ur avatar...is that u>? the rainbow?
Whats the difference between a Mail box and a donkeys asshole.>?
read this in a blokes mag
i saw michael jackson in tescos at the weekend with a trolley full of dairylea
i said yo michael what the hell u doing with all tht dairylea
he replied "well u know kids will do anything for dairylea"
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoosaHeads
somones supposed to say.
I dunno what.
then i say well im not getting you to post any letters for me then..... :o
that was just plain funny even if ya re run itQuote:
Originally Posted by Sentinel
thsi is no joke but its pretty funny for real life
Boozing Bear Throws His Own Party
Posted 6/14/2005 01:47 PM
The bear ripped through a Summit Lake campsite, eating two campers' food and three beers.
Story by The Associated Press
It sounds like something you'd see in a commercial.
Two brothers camping at Summit Lake near Richwood last Friday had to cut their trip short after a black bear ate their food and guzzled their beer.
Dunbar resident Larry Gaynor said the bear dragged the cooler about 30 yards into the woods and flung it against a tree, scattering a case of Coors Light.
The bear drank three cans.
Gaynor said it's a good thing the beer wasn't Budweiser or the bear would have downed all of them.
http://www.wowktv.com/story.cfm?func...y&storyid=3364
see man i wasnt joking
WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!! :D Dat is awesum!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by beatpixie
Tiger Woods is having a tough day on the course. He can't quite seem sink his putts, they keep curving to the left.
His caddy looks at him and says, "Hey, Tiger, it looks like you're pulling your putts"
Tiger looks at him and says, "Nah, I'm just trying to get my pencil out of my pocket."
[QUOTE=mellow mood]heres a good one: what does a stoner take when hes broke? he drinks listerine
I was not expecting that one. Very, very fuuny.
:D
I dunno, what?Quote:
Originally Posted by NoosaHeads
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"
Cheery Cherry if that's your ass in that avatar I think I'm in love.
ok, i love jokes as much as the next guy but most are not realistic, here are some of the more realistic versions of some jokes/ jokes w/ realistic endings:
What's the difference between the Pope and Michael Jackson?
The Pope is dead
What do you get when you're gay?
Made fun of.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?
A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.
How do you drown a blonde?
Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and stealing.
Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work?
He was weird.
What's the difference between a post box and a vagina?
A post box is a public container for the deposit of outgoing mail, and a vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals.
Why do Mexicans not like going out in the rain?
It's wet.
A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair colour doesn't affect acceleration due to gravity.
What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house?
You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbors saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really.
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was blind and deaf.
What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A Jew is a person adhering to the Jewish faith and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, usually circular bread covered with tomato sauce and cheese with optional garnishes.
What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
An embarrassing situation
Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
She was a schizophrenic
How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag.
One is a famous singer songwriter facing charges of child molestation and the other's a shopping bag