Nude man charged with having sex with table

Nude man charged with having sex with table

A married father of three faces indecency charges after allegedly having sex with a picnic table.

Art Price Jr, 40, was seen doing the dirty with the garden furniture at his home in Bellevue, Ohio, on four occasions by a neighbour.

The neighbour, who hasn't been named, says that he saw Mr Price turning the table over before performing the sex acts on it.

Police officer Matt Johnson said: 'He was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table.'

Just to add a touch of class to his furniture-copulation, Price reportedly carried out his naked table-boffing in broad daylight, very close to a local school.

The fourth time, the neighbour videotaped the alleged table-sexing as evidence.

Officer Johnson commented: 'Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around.'

Nude man charged with having sex with table | Metro.co.uk

Wow.








Just when you think you have heard it all.

The poor wife, just imagine how bad she feels. I mean her husband would rather have sex with a picnic table than her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rebgirl420

The poor wife, just imagine how bad she feels. I mean her husband would rather have sex with a picnic table than her.

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I somehow get the feeling that he didn't have a choice. :D

*badum bump*

Hahahaha

Does that put a damper on your mood at all?

I mean...reading this kind of stuff does make me laugh...but it kinda makes me go...wtf inside and just feel bad for the guy almost.

Any therapist information on the story? Anyone know if he's coping with something? Or is he just simply a perv?

I say none of the above.






He's probably just REALLY curious.

I Love John

"And the Lord spake, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.â?�
-Monty Python

Thanks again, one of my fav movies

I love the way that character talks to

Yeah I was between this quote and the lovely:
King Arthur: I am your king.
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king then?
[Angelic music plays... ]
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

It was tough haha

King: Be Quiet!! I order you to be quiet!!
Peasant: HELP HELP I'M BEING REPRESSED!! COME SEE THE VIOLENCE INHERITTING THE SYSTEM!!

My fiance still doesn't "get" Monty Python.

While watching the movie yesterday I barely seen a smile. Except when there was naked people.

Well...you gotta laugh at naked people I guess...I mean c'mon, they're F*****g naked

Yeah well when Brian was naked I wasn't laughing



On the contrary, when he was naked I was thinking:





Boom chika wa wa

Oh wow, I'm not afraid to compliment another man's fine looks myself

But hey, I'm about to pass out on the keyboard

I'll be back eventually to chat, thanks for all the great threads!

:thumbsup::thumbsup:

Stay Sunny

Rebgirl you saw the mans mugshot can u imagine what his wife looks like,maybe the furniture is an improvement over his wife.....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fishman3811

Rebgirl you saw the mans mugshot can u imagine what his wife looks like,maybe the furniture is an improvement over his wife.....

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Hahaha true.

For all we know she looks like this:

wow that pic would drive me to fuck any hole i see

You know you hit rock bottom when you start jacking off to the Home Depot patio advertisments.

He should buy a sheep they have got four legs as well.BAAAAAAAAA

lol....chaffing? ouch?? Fuck your hand man....leave the wood table alone!!! Reb, you always find the good ones!! thanks again for a good laugh....
whiskeytango

Pretty funny stuff.. lol

Though I wonder... why is the neighbor spying on other people anyway.. I'd imagine you'd have to have a GREAT angle downward to see someone having sex with their picnic table.. and to go up there to watch them on FOUR occassions.

:hippy:

Where I live, we're pretty close to neighbors. Hard not to spy even when you're not trying to. It would be pretty difficult not to notice my neighbors having sex with tables.

Very odd. While I don't typically have much time for offbeat news, this is one of those *huh* stories I just had to read.

Could be worse I suppose. I doubt the table would mind, unlike a helpless animal or child. And at least it's not the lawnmower. But in broad daylight? Wouldn't it be a bit more romantic under the stars with a few candles on the table for ambiance?

~~Noob

What if he made all sorts of wierd noises???

Oh my gosh that's really F****d up...

And MMJNoob, I love your profile picture, I Can Haz Cheeseburger is hillarious

Of all the possible inanimate objects a person might decide to hump, why a table? How does that thought process go?

Well that's going against the grian of human nature for shure.:eek:
I wonder if he likes woodwork, i bet he was good with a drill and sand paper.;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Greenthing

Well that's going against the grian of human nature for shure.:eek:
I wonder if he likes woodwork, i bet he was good with a drill and sand paper.;)

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I'd be worried about splinters.

If this guy likes wood so much, maybe he should get himself a Pinnochio puppet luv toy and stop humping the furniture.

Mmmmmmmm just looking at them makes you think naughty things....

I mean just look at how "wet" that one is.





;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rebgirl420

Mmmmmmmm just looking at them makes you think naughty things....

I mean just look at how "wet" that one is.





;)

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Oh, yeah, baby! That is soooOOOOOooo HOT!

Boom-chikka pic-nic!
Pic-a-nic-a wow wow!
Yeah!

This is silly hahaha.

But I wonder...


Is it really "Illegal" to have sex with furniture? I mean he wasn't really hurting anyone.















(I in no way condone humping a table btw)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rebgirl420

This is silly hahaha.

But I wonder...


Is it really "Illegal" to have sex with furniture? I mean he wasn't really hurting anyone.















(I in no way condone humping a table btw)

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As long as the table is of age and provides consent, I don't think it should be illegal. If it is so wrong, then shouldn't the table bear equal responsibility? You don't hear about the table being hauled downtown.

Haha yes,

The table seduced him.



Likely story... (I think I seen this before on a episode of Law and Order:Wooden intent)

oh wow, he's not known as a "wood elf" in his online video games for nothing...

I think he got charged with public indecency...not having sex with a table...

Wow, I can't believe this happened

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SunnyD

And MMJNoob, I love your profile picture, I Can Haz Cheeseburger is hillarious

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Hooray for LOL cats!
gsashmoon/LOL Cats - Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting A few of my favorites.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SunnyD

I think he got charged with public indecency...not having sex with a table...

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The charge is not furno-philia?

I guess the lesson here would be, if you are going to fornicate your furniture, do it in the privacy of your own home! Not out where the neighbors can videotape you!

Do you think that polishing your furniture this way causes "waxy buildup?"

I wonder if the family still eats off the table?



Or did the police confiscate it?

Has nobody considered that this might have been a really, REALLY sexy table? Geez, I thought Hugh Hefner brought about a sexual revolution, but here we remain in the Victorian era.

New Release at the video store: TABLES GONE WILD hot sexy tables just out of the factory and boy they are excited and ready to let loose

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mmjnoob

Hooray for LOL cats!
gsashmoon/LOL Cats - Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting A few of my favorites.

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My cat, Big Red, has been featured on there a couple times.

I should also say I didn't make any of them, people have just used my pics as templates.

OMG, WELCOME TO FURNITURE PORN!

Welcome to Furniture Porn!!

They have bondage!

All amateur!

Office!

and

Hot outdoor action!

LOL Rebgirl, I like the one with the trees coz there is a lot of raw material to work on.:D

Maybe he was trying to make the sideboard jealous, it's those sexy queen anne legs that does it.
Maybe his wife was cheating on him and he decided to turn the tables, or maybe he just got a little board, oh god I better stop now before I am locked up. :)

NCM

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nightcrewman

Maybe he was trying to make the sideboard jealous, it's those sexy queen anne legs that does it.
Maybe his wife was cheating on him and he decided to turn the tables, or maybe he just got a little board, oh god I better stop now before I am locked up. :)

NCM

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I definitely wood not cheat it wood not be worth it.
But those sexy queen anne legs they dont make them like that anymore.lol