Im really intrested in knowing how people live their lives by being regular pot smokers. I've been smoking for 2 years already, and for the most part on a daily basis. Days wich I haven't smoked atleast a puff, could be counted with the fingers of my 2 hands. Altough for a daily user, I rarely smoke more than a joint per day.
I never smoke pot for social occasions, I've done it a couple of times and each times I did it, I ended regretting it. I smoke when i'm alone, usualy in my home when everyone is asleep. Never been caught. That in a way scares me. I mean, i've been smoking cannabis in my parents home for 2 years now, in my room and haven't got caught. That in itself I think is an acheivement. And trust me, i'm not bragging...I say that in a regretable way.
These past months, I never get the same kind of buzz when smoking. It's either im relaxed, taking deep breaths, enjoying whatever I am doing (eating, watching a movie, listening to music, being in nature..ect..) or it's the complete opposite...( I get panicky, heart rate accelerates, paranoia sets in ect..). What I did notice tough, is that the kind of buzz I am having at a particular moment, depends exactly of my actual state. If things are going well at home, job, school, with my finances then I have the good buzz. If im having some rough days then it puts me in a depressive state, wich alot of time im already in without using it.
But my real problem is that wether im having good days or bad ones, I always have that same desire each day to smoke that small joint at the end of the day. Specially after a long shift at work. If im out, I constantly think about it. It's fair to say I am addicted.
I think the most important part of getting rid of an addiction, is having the will and the desire to stop. I have neither of the 2. I guess the best would be able to have that balance, just the same way I do with alchol...wich is drinking on occasions. I wish I could do that with pot. Im sure I would enjoy it more the times I do. But for me, I think it's either I stop completely or either I accept it as a lifestyle. I don't think the balance of the 2 could be possible. I wish I had that dicipline.
I think less clearly, im more lazy, more depressive, more anti-social. I've had some period of time in the past year where I spent some days, wether it be 2,3, or 4...without smoking. And I felt more energetic, was thinking more clearly, had a better outlook on life and was definately more social. So I am sure of the impact it has on me.
I think it's shameful to be at the mercy of something or someone, wich has a control on your life. Wether it be pot, alcohol, tobacco ect..
What I know is that I do not want to spend the next 2 years the same way I have done with my previous 2.
I guess my next step is to quit. Wich in a way is stupid because it's so easy...I mean I just have to not smoke, right ? How hard can that be ?
How does cannabis impact your life ?
