break up advice

so why i post this here and now i dunno, but i like this place and trust u people...the majority of people here are mature and intelligent and for that i am thankful

well basically im 20 in college and my girlfirend of almost 3 years(wouldve been 3 years on saturday) decided she needed to take a break

we both go to different schools, but she is a year younger than me and this was her first year of college, while im in my second....we made it through my first year(her senior year in high school) and now this

basically i knew this would come...we both were/are really in love like legit...at least i am and i trust her when she says the same...but like she never told me why...just that she wasnt happy, was having doubts and just felt it was time....thing is, ive done everything for this girl and not to sound like an ass, but i think i was a helluva boyfriend...i had my moments as we all do, but i was a good find

basically we decided to just quit cold turkey for awhile....no communication at all so as to not make it harder...im thinking maybe in two weeks during thanksgiving break we will meet for lunch or something i dunno....thing is, we were best freinds and if i dont marry this girl i still wanna chat and be cool like i am with all my firends...but itll take time initially...it just sucks, i wanna call her or IM her all the time btu i hold back, and im always thinking about her...cant sleep...and when i do sleep i dream of her and wake up...it sucks

i dunno why i even made this thread...pretty much a rant i guess but if any1 has anything to chime in or advice on what my next move hsould be or was in a similiar situation thatd be great

i know i need to get over her and thisis nexcessary to find out if shes the one, but it sucks badly and it just feels like im never gonna get over it, even though i will


been smoking too much bud recently too and sort of a cope...normally id drink, but i cant seem to drink when im depressed...i have a few beers and just want to die...smoking seems to help though...o ya and valium

What is it that you desire?

I ask this question because it's hard to gauge what you want. You obviously love this girl, but it seems you seemed to invest a lot of energy into this relationship and I get this "I love her, but I'm tired" vibe off you. You seem to do a lot of the little things to make it work.

Meanwhile, find more about yourself. You have become assimilated in a relationship now divided, you have the time to assess your dreams and goals and do anything your heart desires. You have inner pain as energy, use it. Don't let go to waste in wallowing.

see, thats the thing...i desire her, more than ever b4 all this happend

but i mean were both young and this was our first REAL relationship

i can honestly say i would marry her, not now obviously but i can see it happening...i dont think you HAVE to date around awhile in order to find the one to marry, but i think it is smart and helps so i knew this day would come eventually, we both did, just not soooo soon

basically thats the thing, i was doing all the little things, iwas putting alot of energy all of the time...i have my issues but that didnt stop me from giving my all...she was more inconsistent however but it was still great...but i never got tired, so i dunno what gave u that vibe....i fell more in love with her everyday

im definitly gonna find more about myself with this opportunity...i prob wont be hooking up for a few weeks months or something hopefully, but im also not gonna feel sorry for myself

my opinion is that long term, cutting off from each other initially is best...any1 else agree????

sure, talkign to her know andthen would make it easier, but to me its just delaying the inevitable and while it may be easier intially it only leads to more pain down the road...once again, any1 agree???

and is it a good idea to meet up 2 weeks from now?? i dunno, because either it will make it worse for me/us or it might be a chance to straigthen things out..i dont wanna like hoop up randomly and have it be meaningless, im the type of guy who has sex so it means something, i dont wait till marriage but i most likely wont have a 1 night stand and i dont think i could emotionally handle it with her....ideally i just wanna continue to be best friends once we both get past the pain and if we do decide to get back together, a ring will shortly be on her finger, but if we dont i wanna be friends...is this reasonable/possible???

if i had my way id keep this thing going, but ive been at the point now where her happiness means more than anything and i trust her that she knows what shes doing...basically it sucks, i just wish id know what will happen or at least how long will it take for me to feel normal again and complete...im afraid of the uncertainty.....but ya, im working my ass off not to be worthless and just mope around all day because that only makes it worse..the hardest is trying to fall asleep cause i think sooo much...nothing a bowl and a valium cant cure, but still....i wake up because i dream of her...just sitting and being with her i dream of that and i wake up

ahhhh

every guy goes thru this at one time or another
yes it does hurt
but its good for you
helps you learn what kind of woman works for you

if i was you id go out with a new girl as quick as possible

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stemis516

see, thats the thing...i desire her, more than ever b4 all this happend

but i mean were both young and this was our first REAL relationship

i can honestly say i would marry her, not now obviously but i can see it happening...i dont think you HAVE to date around awhile in order to find the one to marry, but i think it is smart and helps so i knew this day would come eventually, we both did, just not soooo soon

basically thats the thing, i was doing all the little things, iwas putting alot of energy all of the time...i have my issues but that didnt stop me from giving my all...she was more inconsistent however but it was still great...but i never got tired, so i dunno what gave u that vibe....i fell more in love with her everyday

im definitly gonna find more about myself with this opportunity...i prob wont be hooking up for a few weeks months or something hopefully, but im also not gonna feel sorry for myself

my opinion is that long term, cutting off from each other initially is best...any1 else agree????

sure, talkign to her know andthen would make it easier, but to me its just delaying the inevitable and while it may be easier intially it only leads to more pain down the road...once again, any1 agree???

and is it a good idea to meet up 2 weeks from now?? i dunno, because either it will make it worse for me/us or it might be a chance to straigthen things out..i dont wanna like hoop up randomly and have it be meaningless, im the type of guy who has sex so it means something, i dont wait till marriage but i most likely wont have a 1 night stand and i dont think i could emotionally handle it with her....ideally i just wanna continue to be best friends once we both get past the pain and if we do decide to get back together, a ring will shortly be on her finger, but if we dont i wanna be friends...is this reasonable/possible???

if i had my way id keep this thing going, but ive been at the point now where her happiness means more than anything and i trust her that she knows what shes doing...basically it sucks, i just wish id know what will happen or at least how long will it take for me to feel normal again and complete...im afraid of the uncertainty.....but ya, im working my ass off not to be worthless and just mope around all day because that only makes it worse..the hardest is trying to fall asleep cause i think sooo much...nothing a bowl and a valium cant cure, but still....i wake up because i dream of her...just sitting and being with her i dream of that and i wake up

ahhhh

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That's deep man. Just take it easy, have some space away from each other to cool down a bit. When I said you were "tired" it doesn't mean you are sick of her and that it wasn't worth it! It simply means you invested a lot emotionally and even you need a break from keeping it all together.

I wouldn't put a time limit on when to see her again. You have to be ready and so does she. You can be friends with your ex if you want to be, no notions are going to stop you.

As for wanting to marry her, finish school first. Marriage is much more than love can carry. Don't even think about it in such a situation! Remember, she's still in her first year of college, new life & experience. You have to live life before you tie down. Anything earlier is a mistake.

ya i know dude, way way in the future if even at all....i only brought that up as an example of how seirous we are/were.....i would never marry without a steady flow of income


thanks though bro...some good words

I think you're doing the right thing by not talking to her right now. It would end up hurting more in the end

Im going through the EXACT same thing.

I think you two should've talked about this and really understand where you two are at and where you both want to go in the future. I do think that it's important to take a break if both or one of you are not sure of the future or unclear with feelings for each other because I see you mentioned marriage and most of the time, you don't get to take a "break" without talking about it and being honest with each other if you end up marrying her. Any relationship require constant work for it to last. If you're not sure what she is feeling or where she is going with this "break", I would call her and have an open and honest conversation with her so that you're not sitting around waiting and wondering.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cheery Cherry

I think you two should've talked about this and really understand where you two are at and where you both want to go in the future. I do think that it's important to take a break if both or one of you are not sure of the future or unclear with feelings for each other because I see you mentioned marriage and most of the time, you don't get to take a "break" without talking about it and being honest with each other if you end up marrying her. Any relationship require constant work for it to last. If you're not sure what she is feeling or where she is going with this "break", I would call her and have an open and honest conversation with her so that you're not sitting around waiting and wondering.

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thats what we plan on doing, just not now...i mean i tried that...the whole lets work at it, because weve always worked through anything....but she was just insistent that she needed to get her life figured out without me...so what else can i say? her happiness is more importent than mine if i had to choose

hopefully after a month or so, till winter break, we'll get together and have a chat and maybe her head will be on a little straighter and we can go from there...but i am finding its getting easier day by day....although today sucks because it wouldve been our 3 year anniversary today...booo

thanks for all the words!