Advice Please....

Hey all,
If you would read this and give me your opinion. My 17 yr old son , has had his jr. liscence for about 2 months, which means he cant drive past 11 pm.Im not sure what by law, the consequences are, any way, when he came home at 1230 am, I said "you know what time it "? And yes he smokes weed.Any way he said I had to take a couple kids home, and I had a bad nite and went in his room, well I went in, mind you I was pissed and worried cause I told him I would call him on his cell close to 11 to make sure he was on his way home. Well, I just said well ok, this is the 2nd time he came home after 11) No driving , except to work for a month, he will be 18 on sept. 18th. He goes" I aint losing my car". I left his room n went to sleep.The next day I told my hubby,his step dad, he works 3rd shift ,he started off by calmly saying , what time did you get home last night, well after telling him what could of happened, my son said-- I heard enough of this shit n went i his room- my hubby followed , him I didnot, but my hubby said he grabbed him by the neck cause when he went after him he slammed the door in my hubbys face.So , what do yall think? I agree in the fact that he must go by our rules n pay the price, but i kinda didnt feel good about him grabbing my son by the throat :(
please give sum input n opinions.
thanks
sorry so long....
ps, my husband has done alot of things for my 3 boys and this is the first time he grabbed him.

My first thoughts whiskey..

you guys need to sit down and say sorry....

Talking..... not fighting

If you want to solve this....You and your husband need to bite the bullet, and start things off. He is looking for reasons to rebel...hes 17.

In my eyes...at 17 I was a Man. I had been the man of the house for a while, but I still made bad decisions.........

Tell him when he is 18...His curfew is up to him, but he should respect the others in the house and come in at a reasonable hour....


Punishment should fit the crime....1 month no car, for 1.5 hours late????

i would have been pissed too......... maybe he is the one with the sense?

Remember...that is his step dad ( I had 3).... if one had layed his hands on me..... I would have kicked his ass..... your husband needs to respect him too.

Does a slammed door deserve...assault? < thats is what your son is thinking

IMO sounds like your husband need to start with the appoligys...then let you talk... your son has no respect for him....They bolth need to work on respect.
who is the adult, who should know better?

WG, time to talk to your son about moving out.

I see he cant drive past 11 by law..... let the police deal with him.


Hang in there..............

That was good advice Bong30, couldn't agree more. Looking back, if my parents had done what you'd suggested, there wouldn't be such a schism as there is now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bong30

My first thoughts whiskey..

afterwards, my husband did say he was sorry, out side as my son was walking to his friends house, he said you wanna choose your friends over your family, keep walking he did, then he had to be at work in about 45 min. he went.. i really hope the 3 of us can talk, but your right the respect isnt there--- either way:( i just get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, i just want every 1 to get along, and they were -- heck my hubby even smoked a bowl with him and drank a beer. but i dunno....... grrrrrrrrrr
well thanks again bong .
you guys need to sit down and say sorry....

Talking..... not fighting

If you want to solve this....You and your husband need to bite the bullet, and start things off. He is looking for reasons to rebel...hes 17.

In my eyes...at 17 I was a Man. I had been the man of the house for a while, but I still made bad decisions.........

Tell him when he is 18...His curfew is up to him, but he should respect the others in the house and come in at a reasonable hour....


Punishment should fit the crime....1 month no car, for 1.5 hours late????

i would have been pissed too......... maybe he is the one with the sense?

Remember...that is his step dad ( I had 3).... if one had layed his hands on me..... I would have kicked his ass..... your husband needs to respect him too.

Does a slammed door deserve...assault? < thats is what your son is thinking

IMO sounds like your husband need to start with the appoligys...then let you talk... your son has no respect for him....They bolth need to work on respect.
who is the adult, who should know better?

WG, time to talk to your son about moving out.

I see he cant drive past 11 by law..... let the police deal with him.


Hang in there..............

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thank you

I got grounded for a week for being ONE MINUTE late once. Was the punishment harsh? Yeah, or at least it sure felt like it at the time. On the other hand, it sure cut way down on my ever being late again. ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jamstigator

I got grounded for a week for being ONE MINUTE late once. Was the punishment harsh? Yeah, or at least it sure felt like it at the time. On the other hand, it sure cut way down on my ever being late again. ;)

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Hey does any 1 know the jr driving laws in pa? At 18 can you drive till 12 pm? or is it 21?
thanks for any in put, i think you can but im not sure , and my 17 yr old never knows any thing -- always says I DUNNO!!
he dosent care about any thing with his car, which he worked for to buy, dosent know how to change a tire or any thing!! :( but he does know how to pick up his friends when they need a ride, he is right there! when will he learn :(?
i wish he would not focus on this so called band he is in and his friends and focus o n passing 12 th grade, heck he went to summer school the last 3 yrs and he isnt stupid by far!! ( except when it comes to fixing cars!) lol

Hey, Whiskey Girl. I don't know about Pennsylvania, but down here in Texas, curfews for teens vary from municipality to municipality. Call your city's police department and ask them. Then if you want to ask about statewide nightime licensing restrictions or driving limitations for teens, call the dept. of motor vehicles/dept. of public safety or visit their Web site.

Doesn't it worry the heck out of you to have your young male child out on the road in a car? It does me. My son's 20 and away at college now, but I still worry about him. Statistically, they're a high-risk group behind the wheel of a car. I think back on what a knucklehead he was at 16 and 17 and cannot believe it was legal for someone with his judgment and impulse control at that time (it's better now) to get a license to operate a motor vehicle. Good luck to you!

Try talking to him again. Maybe what he did by taking those people home seemed like the best idea at the time. Maybe those kids were drunk or something and shouldnt have been driving and your son just wanted his friends to be safe. He still should have treated you and his step father better, and your husband may have taken it too far but it seems like if you sit down and talk it shouldnt be hard to work out. if you treat him more like an adult maybe he'll act more like one.

Hey, I'm 16, I don't drive but I can relate. Kids don't say they had a bad night when they didn't, obviously something went wrong and he doesn't want to talk about it. I don't knom, I was never raised with punishments, they never taught me anything and always made me more angry. I honestly don't think punishments SOLVE anything, they may prove a point but there are other ways to do it. I think your husband was really out of line, too. Parents should NEVER put their hands on their children, no matter how old and no matter what reason. I don't mean to lecture because you didn't do it but that's really screwed up. I would really sit him down and just talk to him, unless your son typically breaks rules (which you said he's only done once before) then maybe try to go easy on him. I'm not going to tell you how to parent but honestly, punishment doesn't do shit (IMHO) but really explain that you were worried and upset that he said he'd be home at a certain time and wasn't. Also go into the laws, but honestly not many teenagers care :(

Your husband needs to learn a thing or two from your child.

Make sure your husband learns that you shoukd rule with respect, not fear. I believe that as soon as a finger was laid on him, your son became fixated on pride and protection in his own house. I've been there, it's not a good place to be.

I think you should let your son off of the hook for the simple reason that if you plan on punishing your son for his wrongdoings, you should be punishing your husband as well.

Oh, and make sure to calmly remind your husband that as he gets older and more feeble, your son will get stronger and wiser. If he plans on putting his hands on your child, he better be ready for when your child fights back.