ive been told i have spidermites...

I showed some people a pic and they say the damage looks like bugs, but seriously i visit my plants alot and have examined them thouroghly several times and not a single bug of any kind or web or egg or anything. Its just my lower fan leaves being damaged the most, the biggest ones, they are dying from the bottom up, it starts out a shiny spot on the leaf, then becomes yellow and then seems to kind of turn into a reddish brown burned looking spot. Tell me...I know mites are hard to see, but if your really watching for htem you would see some sign wouldnt you?
could this condition be from my really shiny reflector?
And the soil i used has slow release nitrogen in it, at first i had some nute burn but then they got bigger and it stopped, could it be a milder form of that?
Ps can someone tell me the proper way to use neem oil, I have the concentrate and it came with this wetting agent...am I supposed to use them together? I heard something about dishsoap...is the dishsoap a thing like the wetting agent?