Something I wrote about the subjective effects and my thoughts while on DXM

Unmodified, so it may be somewhat confusing. I understand that this is the Cannibus.com message board, so I hope I'm not stepping on anyones toes posting about other substances, it seemed to be somewhat common.

6:19 took 6.8 mg/kg of DXM about 10 minutes ago. No noticeable mental effects yet, of course. Trying to keep mind as active as possible. Realize right now that I will survive this trip and I must use my mind to make use of it as it will dissociate me. Stomach hurts and I can feel gas building already, but luckily I have a strong disposition. Day is practically perfect outside. I'm going to take a walk to return a movie, hopefully walking around will aid digestion and prevent cramping and bloating.

Going to the video store now. Weâ??ll see how I feel when I get back.

8:52 Can I even express how I feel through muddy words. No. Words deceive. I will try. I want to be happy. I want to feel god. I want to be good. I want to love. I want joy. I want the people that surround me to feel the same way.

We have created monstrosities so complicated and confusing that they are incomprehensible. I have no answers that can be spoken to this problem. There is a feeling that exists in my heart and mind that is usually obscured. Society, organizations, corporations, rules. Rules created by muddy minds multiply the problems. Muddy minds cannot see the light and suck the world into the black bile. I am stuck in the mud half of the time. Waiting for something glorious to happen. Waiting for the universe to be reversed. Aching for God to shine light on me.

I can feel the souls of the past inside my mind. I can feel their torment and hope. I wonder why it is that words are so inadequate. I wonder why it is that earthy emotions overrides other. I ache because my eternal soul is trapped in my body, and though closeness can be achieved with others, the eternal soul is infinite and I cannot experience infinity.

My soul is disconnected from others. Over the last two years I have become severed from society. In a way I am extremely grateful. I am trying hard not to worry about the reader of this piece, and Iâ??m going to try to purge him from my mind right now. My fingers softly fall on the keyboard. I ache and ooze life. I can feel my life oozing from me. Time has me in its grips.

I want my parents to understand that I am good. Are they clear headed enough to do so? I feel my father is but isnâ??t. His mind is clouded by tradition. I must speak to my father about god before too long. Why do I want people to think I am special? I donâ??t really want to be special. I want people to realize that life is special. I want children. But I see the muddy world that people live in. My mind is tired.

Subjective effects. Hard to describe. I feel time is different but I donâ??t know how. Continuity and meaninglessness.

What can you do? You can build true relationship and tell people you love them? You sense they are not receptive to your love. Every moment is novel. You cannot even grasp the moment however.

Confused. Thatâ??s pretty much how you can sum me up. I am trying to make logical rational words but I find that nothing can be reduced as handily as it can be said. Truth is beyond words. I can feel myself starting to come down now.

Future employment: unimportant. I know whatâ??s unimportant. I can feel when something is important. But muddiness and confusion, the thought monstrosities we have created stupefy me and others. I donâ??t know what to do.

Removed from reality, soon to be rethrust upon it. Still donâ??t know what to do. But I have accomplished something. I have seen my fear of seeing others. I have felt connected to the world. My memory is not the best. But I can continually feel these things.

The warmth you feel is not an illusion. The warmth of positive human contact!