Post your text messages here

Any funny joke/insult text message that you'd like to share. I'll go first.

Hello, its your mobile phone here. Its ok, you don't have a message, I just wanted you to take me out of your pockets because your cock stinks.

Heres another one:

Today is international day for retards. Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as I've done. I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with farm animals, vote conservative or occasionally shit yourself. You hang in there, sunshine. You're special.

Good idea for a thread! these are all off my mate steve.
"Have you been getting high and shagging weird hippys all weekend?"

"Serves you right you wreckhead" after me bitching about my comedown

"The carthaginians got their elephants pissed to fight romans, fucking great!"