my weekend baking

I just recently started smoking. I'll start from the begining, to get some background information.
I'm 16 now, and first got high when I was 13. From how the media portrays it, and being 13, I thought that all weed did was make things seem funny, and that's it, so when my friend had some high-end mid-grade shit, I was more than happy to try it. When I was little, I had asthma, so I was used to inhaling extremely deeply on and holding in long on asthma inhalers, so my friend had one joint, and after we smoked the joint, he packed two bowls. Since things weren't starting to get funny, I kept smoking more and more and taking huge hits. All of a sudden, as we were leaving the woods, it totally hit. Everything became different, and it felt as if I was walking on the moon. It was like I was "there" one minute, and then spaced out, just to "wake up" a second later. This experience traumatized me, so it wasn't until I was 15 that I tried it again. This time, it was regular mid-grade, and I smoked it by myself in my room just to see if it would be pleasurable, because all my friends enjoy it, but I didn't, due to my first experience. This time, as soon as it hit, I got paranoid, and hated myself for doing it again. The effects weren't as strong as the first time, because I didn't smoke as muich, but I was still stoned, paranoid, and crying, and wanting it to stop. I had just turned 15 at this point as well...

WELL, sometime last week, my cat died, who I loved alot, so to relieve the stress, my friend came over, (who got me high the first time) with some weed. It was in between commercial and low-end mid-grade, so I decided to smoke it. After about 10 hits, I wasn't feeling anything really, my mouth was really dry and we were watching my nip/tuck dvd. All of a sudden it hit, and I was about to have another panic attack, but decided that if I kept dwelling on being scared, that it would ruin my experience so I just calmed myself down, and actually enjoyed it.

Two days later, which was Friday, my friend came over again, and this time I smoked alot more, and got baked pretty fast. I enjoyed it as well, and food never tasted better...

The next week at school, all I could think about was the following weekend, to get high again. So when the weekend rolled around (this past weekend) my friend couldn't get any cheap commercial, so he got about 2 "8ths" (I don't know what 2 8ths is called) for 30 dollars, which is a good deal, because I guess it's high-end mid-grade, and it's his long time friends, so sadly we had to smoke joints because he left his one-hitter at home, and my plans to go get a piece were ruined, so I smoked alot off of the joint, and the weed had tons of red-hairs on it, which was weird, because normally the stuff I smoke is just green, so I remember getting high to the point I normally was used to the previous weekend, when all of a sudden I announced "I AM BAKED!!!" and the words echoed and rose above my head. I was completely blazed and was enjoying it. We then watched "Saw II" which went by extremely fast. The next morning my friend had something to do, so after he left, I decided to smoke the rest of a joint that we rolled the night before, and right after I smoked it, I filled up the bathtub and stayed in for what seemed like 5 hours, but was only one, just staring at the faucet. After that went by, one of my other friends came by, and we got high, then my first friend and another friend of mine came over, so there were 4 of us, and we smoked a little, then when one had to leave, the others were staying the night, so we all got blazed at like 3 in the morning. All throughout the next day (yesterday) I was still feeling it. I wasn't stoned or high, but I had an extreme case of short term memory loss, like every three seconds I'd "become aware", then it would keep happening. I think it's because of the lack of sleep and my first day of the weekend being sober. Well, right now, I'm bored as hell, and quit smoking cigarettes, and am really in the mood to smoke something. I just got a pair of green hemp Converse All-Stars, so I think I'll celebrate by smoking a bowl or two.
Well, that's my story.:D

Oh, I also must add, I know the pattern of getting high.
After I smoke, about 5 or 10 minutes I assume, I usually feel normal, then a little bit relaxed. Then my mouth gets dry and I start chewing on my lip like I always do, and then my heart starts beating really fast, and my arms and the inside of my chest get really warm. Then I sit back and try to relax, while trying to calm my heart beat down, and then muscles in my back, and legs, sometimes stomach twitch out of control. Like, I can't relax, they twitch, that's when I know it's about to hit me. Usually at this point, I come to the realization in my mind "It hasn't hit me yet", or "Any minute now, I'll be stoned, and this moment in time will feel like a long time ago... a time in a different state... because in a minute I'll be stoned". Then, I'll have the desire to open my eyes, or move or talk, and then that is when I realize that I am baked. i usually announce "I am so fucking baked", and the words will probably echo, or I will chill out, watch tv, and concentrate on my dry mouth. My friends will usually be laughing about something extremely stupid, that I dont' find funny at all, but every once in a while, they will say something, like a joke, and it will be extremely funny. then, we will go eat food, and while my stomach isn't "hungry" and I feel like I"m full, food tastes AMAZING, and I eat the food like a savage. That's pretty much it.

Oh yeah, right after I finish smoking, I will have a cigarette, and after I am baked, I will have another, and I find that it usually increases the "buzz" inside of my head. Also, when I am baked, I find to be actually impaired while walking... kind of disoriented. This only happens when I am really baked. I also figure out things, like the mysteries of life, or I think of a really good idea, and want to tell my friends, but I'll forget it. Sometimes I'll space out, and be staring at something in my room, and that area of the room I'm staring at, becomes a complete different place. For instance, I was staring at my computer and my television, with my friends sitting in front ofm e, and I had my arms on top of my head, with my elbows resting on me knees, so my sight was in between a "triangle", so I was spacing out, and it was as if what I was seeing was actually some sort of egyptian pyramid. It was really weird. Sometimes, when I am really fucked up, the room I am in will seem SO small, and at other times, what I'm staring at seems SO far away. Sometimes I get annoyed by this, but I can calm myself down, and actually enjoy the high,rather than comign up with dillusional explanations that will freak me out.

thats alot to read, but ill leave you a positive message by saying welcome to the biggest club on earth, and im glad your screen name portrays the misfits

Indeed it does. On my 16th birthday, which was in December, (the legal age to get a tattoo, as long as you are accompanied by a parent) I got the Crimson Ghost (the misfits skull logo) tattoed on my right inner forearm, covering the whole forearm.
Oh, I must add (and sorry that I'm posting so much, it's just that I keep remembering things I forgot to add), but like I was saying, I must add that usually when I'm baked, or even the days after I've been baked, people say some stupid shit, that I guess would make some people laugh, but for me, it's like "what the fuck is the point in this?".
Also, something personal to add... As I have stated, my first few experiences were negative, so I couldn't enjoy the positive effects, well, this past weekend, I had my first orgasm while stoned. I've heard that it enhances sexual activity and orgasm, but with my first few experiences, I was having panic attacks, and the thought of an orgasm was not one that seemed pleasurable, I was more interested in the high to go away... Well anyway, as I was saying, I was in the bath tub, when I decided to masturbate. I got real into the fantasy that was playing in my head, and the orgasm was amazing. I even masturbated two more times that day, which is unusual for me, because see, I'm on paxil, which is an anti-depressant and it usually lowers your sex drive, so I usually masturbate every few days, and it's not that great, but when I'm high, even after the high starts wearing off, I actually can fully enjoy orgasms...
It's as if the Paxil counter-acts the paranoia of the marijuana, and the marijuana counter-acts the sexual side effects of the Paxil, making for the perfect combination to have the both of best substances, without the negative side effects.

Right about now, I am heavily contemplating getting high right now, and relaxing in the bath tub for a few hours, but I have quite a delema. See, I smoked ALOT during the weekend, thats why I was still feeling a bit off and forgetful on Sunday, when I didn't have any. I also just finished reading negative experiences on Erowid, so the part of me thats telling me not to get high right now, is the fact that I want to be able to be normal at school tomorow, and not be all paranoid and feel off. I also don't want to have a bad experience, after reading bad experiences, and my mind subconciously causing me to have a bad experience...
SO, if I do decide to get high, I will only smoke a little bit, probably what my friends call a "cig joint" which is taking some tobacco out of a normal cigarette and replacing it with a little bit of cannabis. Also, if I do so, I wont' smoke that much, and read positive experiences on Erowid, to calm my self down, and then relax in the bath during the high.
What do you guys think I should do? get high now, or just wait until the weekend?

rest assured. after about a month of more constant use, the "off, or dazed" feeling will wear off, and youll feel normal after the high wears off. .

and its like like a psychedellic where you have good and bad trips, after you get used to smoking more and finding things you enjoy doing, it will be nothing but good experiences.

Yeah dude, totally. Like, the commercial weed, it was a more mild high, still got me baked, but not as intence, and it was gone after a few hours, but this shit, it lasts quite a long time. At least I assume so. I was high all day saturday, because we kept smoking more and more and more, so that's why sunday I felt a little buzzed, off,confused, losing my short term memory, etc... I think I'mg oing to smoke a little more tonight. I hvae to get myself used to it, and become calm and collected. I'm not a "druggie". I smoke cannabis, because it makes me relax, and think deeply and focus on what matters to me, like my future and my music career I hope to pursue. I still get good grades, and am friendly to people, it's just a recreationaly activity that I enjoy.
I can't wait until it's legalized.

haha, if you keep using, it. youll know that it makes you peaceful. happy, and friendly.

no worries

Well, I planned on getting baked, but didn't have enough to get me high... well I did but it got ruined... See, I tried making a "cig joint", and the first time, I used the majority of the rest of my weed, which was about one good sized-bowls worth, and some of it fell out, and since there wasn't much paper of the cigarette left, the weed burned, but I didn't get to inhale more than maybe 1 1/2 shitty hits... so, I thought "maybe it will work", but isntead it made me relaxed to sit in my bathtub for like an hour, so I tried putting some at the top of the cigarette, got one good hit, and then it was gone, so fuck it... I'll have to wait until the weekend, or until my friend gets a hold of some... Right now, sicne I just had one of my old-cig joints that had some left, I'm very slightly buzzing, not baked or even really high like I expected it to be... Oh well, I guess waiting until the weekend isn't that big of a deal... damnit, yes it is... oh well...
peace,
horror business

I'm about to see if I can go get some commercial for cheap... even though I'm a beginner and have only experienced commercial and mid-grade, I really love cannabis.