Funny ass jokes thread...

Ok I'll start it off....
Q: Anyone try the new Michael Jackson burger at McDonalds yet? Its got 44 year old meat between 5 year old buns!!!!


:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Why did Helen Kellers dog kill itself?


You would too if your name was "mmmppfhrrredsanfjhfeu!!!!!"

Why was Helen Kellers leg yellow?

Her dog was blind too

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

Once there was an old man sitting on a bench in the park crying. A younger man walked up to him and asked "What's wrong?" The old man replied "I am married to a sexy 21 year old woman who gives me two blowjobs a day and we have sex the minute I get home from work and right after dinner." The young man had a strange look on his face and asked "What's so bad about that? It sounds to me like you have a great sex life." The old man replied "I can't remember where I live!"

you guys to burnt to add a damn joke? Man this site has such potential...try actually posting shit...

you may not appreciate this one
man to god: why did you make women so beautiful?
god to man: so that you would love her.
man to god: then why did you make women so dumb?
god to man: So that she would love you.

man: i gotta strawberry stuck up my ass doc.
doctor: i've got some cream for that

A guy walks into a jewelry store with this hot blonde. He says to the jeweler, I want to see your finest piece. The jewler brings out this $1,000 bracelet. The guy says, "I don't think you understand, I want to see your finest piece of jewelry." The jewler says okay, and brings back this beautiful $5,000 necklace. The man irritated at this point, repeats his request. "I want to see your FINEST piece of jewelry you have in this damn place." The jewler goes back to the safe, brings out this exquisite $10,000 diamond ring.

The man writes to jewler a check and says, "Now, I know what your are going to think, that the check is bad. That's why I'm going to leave the check, and the ring with you. Come monday morning when the check clears, I'll be in to get the ring." The jewler is ecstatic and says absolutely and thanks the man for his business.

Come monday, the jewler calls the man and says furiously, "What the hell, the check didn't clear, you didn't have any money for that ring!" The man replies, "I know, but I had one hell of a weekend!"

im not quite feeling that, what exactly did he do?