Help?

If you don't remember I made a thread asking for help on writting a satiristic witty rant over high school for my short film I will be presenting to my high school video tech class.Heres what I have so far:

High school, a place where a variety of teenagers can get togeather and learn in harmony regardless of there race,gender, or dress preference.The very place students can get togeather and expand there horizons with the nectar of education.Heh...you'd have to be a moron to beleive this.I think what I really meant was, a place where social status rules all and if your not up to date with there crappy, unaptness noise they actually call music...well your just a waste of life.Not to mention- (then this is where I want to get into the stupid trends they only support because there peers are doing it and so are there idols on the tv screens.)

I already have the filming part down, alls i need is YOUR help to finish the rant.I'll take any ideas, post whatever you want.

Also I want some honest opinions on what I have so far, if you honestly think it sucks please tell me.Please refraim from being a dick and telling me it sucks because your bored.

Thanks.

OH yeah PS I didn't come up with it all I've had help from many different sources, so in the credits I won't be taking all the credit thats for sure.

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Originally Posted by VoidLivesOn

If you don't remember I made a thread asking for help on writting a satiristic witty rant over high school for my short film I will be presenting to my high school video tech class.Heres what I have so far:

High school, a place where a variety of teenagers can get togeather and learn in harmony regardless of there race,gender, or dress preference.The very place students can get togeather and expand there horizons with the nectar of education.Heh...you'd have to be a moron to beleive this.I think what I really meant was, a place where social status rules all and if your not up to date with there crappy, unaptness noise they actually call music...well your just a waste of life.Not to mention- (then this is where I want to get into the stupid trends they only support because there peers are doing it and so are there idols on the tv screens.)

I already have the filming part down, alls i need is YOUR help to finish the rant.I'll take any ideas, post whatever you want.

Also I want some honest opinions on what I have so far, if you honestly think it sucks please tell me.Please refraim from being a dick and telling me it sucks because your bored.

Thanks.

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I'm not too sure on what to write next, but if this is for high school, they will be marking you on grammer as well :)

Now, "their" "there" and "they're"...

"their" means as in possession. Here is an example from your paragraph:
The very place students can get togeather and expand there horizons with the nectar of education
Expand their horizons.

"there" means a place.Bob and Jim went over there

"they're" Means They Are

Also, put a comma after horizons....expand their horizons, with the nectar of...

Next, this:
I think what I really meant was, a place where social status rules all and if your not up to date with there crappy, unaptness noise they actually call music...well your just a waste of life

I see YOUR, in your case though, it should say "you're", as in, you are. Also, the last sentence, after WELL, put a comma...well, you're just a waste of life

Teachers are crazy picky about grammer man, just trying to help. :cool:

Peace

High school, a place where a variety of teenagers can get together and learn in harmony regardless of there race,gender, or dress preference [what is that supposed to mean: dress preference?]. High school is/should be(?) the very place students can get togeather and expand there horizons with the nectar of education.Heh...you'd have to be a moron to beleive that. What I really meant was, high school is a place where social status rules all and if your not up to date with their crappy, unaptness noise that they actually call music...well then...you're just a waste of a life.

Aren't there better things to write about critizing high school besides pop culture? What about how people cheat, are dishonest, unnecessarily bitchy...ect. I feel like you can do better than criticizing trends. Don't be afraid to say something controversial! Right now its pretty shallow. Try and get into some serious issues. Yes, i know its just satire, but that's why satire is so good. You can talk about serious things but still be "kidding."

The hallways are a swirling orgy of infestation. Millions of germs on hundreds of students and faculty, all catching rides on the institutionalized synthetic jetstream. :smokin:

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Originally Posted by beachguy in thongs

The hallways are a swirling orgy of infestation. Millions of germs on hundreds of students and faculty, all catching rides on the institutionalized synthetic jetstream. :smokin:

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*Austin Powers voice* Riiiiight. I think I'll go watch a moovie. :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nochowderforyou

I'm not too sure on what to write next, but if this is for high school, they will be marking you on grammer as well :)

Now, "their" "there" and "they're"...

"their" means as in possession. Here is an example from your paragraph:
The very place students can get togeather and expand there horizons with the nectar of education
Expand their horizons.

"there" means a place.Bob and Jim went over there

"they're" Means They Are

Also, put a comma after horizons....expand their horizons, with the nectar of...

Next, this:
I think what I really meant was, a place where social status rules all and if your not up to date with there crappy, unaptness noise they actually call music...well your just a waste of life

I see YOUR, in your case though, it should say "you're", as in, you are. Also, the last sentence, after WELL, put a comma...well, you're just a waste of life

Teachers are crazy picky about grammer man, just trying to help. :cool:

Peace

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I'm not turning a paper in, its like the script practically, so grammar is not a issue as of now.THanks though, I feel real bad after you corrected all of that.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Awill3449

High school, a place where a variety of teenagers can get together and learn in harmony regardless of there race,gender, or dress preference [what is that supposed to mean: dress preference?]. High school is/should be(?) the very place students can get togeather and expand there horizons with the nectar of education.Heh...you'd have to be a moron to beleive that. What I really meant was, high school is a place where social status rules all and if your not up to date with their crappy, unaptness noise that they actually call music...well then...you're just a waste of a life.

Aren't there better things to write about critizing high school besides pop culture? What about how people cheat, are dishonest, unnecessarily bitchy...ect. I feel like you can do better than criticizing trends. Don't be afraid to say something controversial! Right now its pretty shallow. Try and get into some serious issues. Yes, i know its just satire, but that's why satire is so good. You can talk about serious things but still be "kidding."

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Man your opinions really mean alot right now.But when I said dress preference I meant people being critisized for dressing different.And I'm not talking about baggy pants with chains all over them from hot topic...I rather not wear baggy pants and I NEVER get the end of it when I'm at school.So what if my pants are a little tighter.

Do you have aim? I think you could really help me out with this.Or atleast any messenger program?

I dont have aim, but feel free to keep posting what you think of an I'll comment if I see it. I like editing.

OK well do you have any ideas what to add to that?

How about an email?