Dating: Honesty and Openess.

I want to say something important about HONESTY and OPENESS when it comes to dating and relationships.

It seems women believe that the two are one in the same. If your not open you are not being honest. I disagree. I know the two are different and that is why the dictionary gives them two seperate meanings and that is why they are spelled differently.

This is nugget of truth I will give you is the number one reason why men fail early in dating and why women divorce you without you knowing what went wrong. Dont look for Dr.Phil, Ophra, Tyra Banks, The mars and venus guy to tell you this because they have it totally backwards.

If you read my last two posts then let me ask you this. How come Dr.Phil, Ophra and the mars and venus guy never mention that a woman:

A. Will test you.
B. Have a second language called "womanese", which is not lying but is surely confusing to men.
C. Respond to challenge.

The "experts" in the field have failed to recognize that these three things make up a huge part in relationships. Now lets see where us men have really been dooped by these people. I will admit some of their stuff is good. But I know what women do and dont respond to and that IS the bottom line comming from streetsmarts.

These experts have brainwashed an entire population of men in thinking that it is appropriate for a man to share his negatives in order to build intimacy. When I say intimacy, I am talking about the non-sexual kind.

So what do guys do when they start dating? They pour it on heavy. They think if she hears all these negative things in your life the two of you will be more bonded. I say BE VERY CAUTIOUS HERE.

By all means guys be an HONEST man. Dont lie to your woman. Her intuition can see right through those whoppers so dont ever start. Its not so much the lie but the fact that you expect her to believe it which insults her intellegence.

Openess is something you have to handle like firecrackers guys.

WHEN A MAN CONFIDES HIS NEGATIVES TO A WOMAN HE MAKES HER INTO HIS MOTHER OR PHYSCOLOGIST, WHEN YOU MAKE YOUR LOVER INTO YOUR MOTHER SHE WILL LOVE YOU LIKE A SON AND NOT A HUSBAND.

A woman wants intimacy, (knowing herself through you, by reflective listening).
Thats fine. But there are two piles in your mind when its time for you to share. I have a simple rule. SHARING POSITIVE EXPERIENCES BUILDS INTIMACY. AND REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD BY THE EXPERTS, NEGATIVES KILL INTIMACY.

Here I will say it a different way. You have two stacks of experieces in your mind. One comes from positive experieces and the other negative experiences. When your woman said in the beginning, "I want a guy with a sense of humor" what she really means is not the ability of you to crack jokes. A sense of humor really means that you draw off the positive stack of experieces when it comes to intimacy.

If you get uncomfortable with her questions try and counter that with banter and humor and steer back to your balance of positive experiences, which keeps you in the safe zone.

She will never tell you that she is resentful that you have treated her like a one-way emotional gas station. Resentment is alot like termites. Time is on their side and sooner or later they will bring the house down.

So how does a guy turn this around? What do you have to offer her that keeps her? Who is more in control a man who needs emotional support or a man who gives it? Who is more in control the one who leans or the one who is leaned on. Got it? Being emotionally supportive is not hard to do. Basically it means just being a skilled reflective listener.

Guys, I have a simple solution. I have a german shepard named Max. You can tell Max anything negative and he will always be there for you. You could tell Max about the worst disasters, failed past relations, anything and that dog will remain your loyal friend. Mull things over by yourself or with your dog and in a couple of days you know you always come back to your balance. My bottom line, save the negativities for Max and your buddies and keep a "sense of humor for your girl".

"No honey thats ok you go out with the guys tonight"

Thats womanese for: "Stay with me tonight" ! Dont say I didnt warn ya!

what prompted you to type out this big bad paragraph of good advice? :D

^ i was thinking tha same shit. dating is lying in tha first place, not like yall gonna get married or shit. if u were i think youd be sure of wtf u doing. either way fukk all that bizness, just hook up n have a blast, especially by nose, wink wink, oh wait... ;) lmao fukn dro

Quote:

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Originally Posted by UnViaje

either way fukk all that bizness, just hook up n have a blast, especially by nose, wink wink, oh wait... ;) lmao fukn dro

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Yeah, fuck self-respect and maturity! :thumbsup: ^

i heard this from a little crackhead inside my brain: "be yourself"

plus, i only take advice from hugh hefner - the man has got his shit down.

Mike Jones,
I had a friend in High School named Mike Jones. Cool guy.

Your question. Well I write what I write from the reality of a mans point of view. Things I have learned in life from trial and error. This is based on how things actually are not someones hypotheses of how things should be.

I never tell men that these concepts are meant to manipulate women. They arent. It is simple streetsmarts that women respond to positevely. These basic concepts are easy to understand yet hard for most guys to implement. Most men are afraid to show a woman he can be a challenge for example during dating so instead they give and give and give. Then what happens? Color her gone.

Most men have never been taught by their fathers, or guided in the fine art of approaching a woman and handling of relationships from a males point of view.
I dont want to come across to men as a male version of a feminista with an ak-47! or a man who is out for revenge.

I want men to avoid unnessary pain, rejection in dating and the confusion of WHY things dont work, they have never been taught this properly.

I find it ironic that most women understand men yet they are the ones who fuel the buying all the self help books ,read all the articles, talk shows etc., yet the vast majority of men dont understand women and buy no self help books.

In our defense most of these books are written from the female perspective. Next time your in the grocery store at the check out look at all the womens magazines. Take a quick glance at the front covers that mention the articles inside. You now what Im talking about. "How to get your man to say yes", how to do this, how to do that. Do they need any more information about us?

Guys its time to level the playing field. But watch it!! the sisterhood is tight!! Remember men are typically loners,(being on their own) while women network with each other. YOu see how easy it is to divide and conquer?