you like jokes? well suck on these for a minute...

A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves. He had the manager try them on. She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up. When the manager gave him the gift she accidently gave him a pair of panties instead. When the girlfriend got the gift there was a note attached to it.
The note read:
Dear Honey, Hope you like the gift.The lady at store said they were perfect. I had her try them on for me. She looked more like a lady. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night.
Love, Bobby
PS:The latest style is to wear them folded in with a little fur showing.

What's worse than having termites in your piano?

Crabs on your organ.

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.

The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?
The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.

What's green and smells like pork?

Kermit's finger

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.

"You, sir, are drunk!"

"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"

One day as President Clinton was getting off the helicopter in front of the White House, he had a baby pig under each arm.

The Marine guard snapped to attention, salutes, and said: ''Nice pigs, sir.''

The President replied, ''These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea.''

The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, ''Nice trade, sir'''

more laterz...all jokes courtesy comedy central's joke of the day email

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jadeius

What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?
The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.

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lol I like this one... :D

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."

His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."Adam decided to to his friend's advice.

The next day at the bar his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," Adam replied.

"Did she like it?"

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"