Threat from the future...

In a future edition of The Onion, disturbing news...



Above: A MEU meeting.

MECCAâ??The 14 democratic member nations of the Middle Eastern Union unanimously voted to declare war on the U.S. Monday, calling the North American country a "dangerous rogue state that must be contained."

"The United States of America has repeatedly violated international law and committed human-rights abuses at home and abroad," MEU President Mohamed Rajib said at a Monday security-council meeting. "MEU weapons inspectors have confirmed that the U.S. continues to pursue their illegal ununhexium-weapons program. Our attempts to bring about change through diplomatic means have repeatedly failed. Now, we are forced to take military action."

The MEU, formed in the wake of the 2042 Saudi Arabian revolution, is modeled on the Enlightenment ideal of the democratic republic and makes every attempt to avoid war even as it pursues an agenda of encouraging self-rule throughout the world. The decision to invade America marks the first military action of the MEU.

Rajib said that, unless the U.S. ends its "unlawful and tyrannical" occupation of northern Africa in seven days, the governments of Iraq, Iran, Jordan, and Muhammad Arabia will begin deploying aero-troops to international tropospace over America's Brand-New England region.

The U.S.'s occupation of 31 nations around the world and last month's vicious, unprompted military attack on Buenos Aires were two of the 41 examples of "unabated aggression" listed in the MEU's declaration of war.

"Today we send a strong and clear message to America," Syrian representative Rashid Qu'rama said. "Your arrogant, imperial, unilateral attitude will not prevail."

The MEU first imposed sanctions against the U.S. in February 2054, demanding that the country pull troops from Antarctica and put an end to its credit trading in the troubled Wilkes Land region.

Iraqi President Hamal Hamoodi said that MEU member nations held extensive public forums before its congress voted to declare war.

"When making such serious choices, we must remain true to the democratic ideals we wish to protect," Hamoodi said. "We have received a mandate from our people to address the U.S.'s threat to democratic society everywhere. The voice of the Arab people will ring out as a beacon of freedom and hope to the world."

Along with the declaration of war, the MEU sent a message to the American people.

"To the oppressed, silenced U.S. citizensâ??help is on the way," Rajib said. "Liberty is on the march. Be assured: At the end of a long tunnel shines the light of freedom."

According to Rajib, the MEU will provide extensive humanitarian and robotitarian aid to the citizens of the U.S., and has already begun moving stockpiles of breakfast, lunch, and dinner pills to the marijuana-producing regions of Mexico, Canada, and Quebec.

Mexico, Canada, and Quebec have stated they are sympathetic to the MEU's goals but must remain neutral for the protection of their own people. It is likely, however, that they will host many refugees, should the U.S. turn against its people.

:D

you know what the onion is right?

Of course they're right. I read future issues of all the major newspapers.

its a comedy paper.very fun to read,i pick them up outside work.

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Originally Posted by amsterdam

its a comedy paper.very fun to read,i pick them up outside work.

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Really? I thought this was really happening... :D

Now that shit would make a great movie!

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Originally Posted by Psycho4Bud

Now that shit would make a great movie!

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give it a few years. if you havnt succumbed to alzheimer's by then, you can watch it as a documentation on the History channel.