Not my first rodeo, but this one has big money on the line... NON DOT Physical/5panel

So I am graduating with an offer that I have an accepted for a fucking ridiculously awesome job, in the exact position I want to be in, in the exact city I want to be in, making enough to give me a very nice lifestyle. I live in a medical state, have a medical card, and even informed and provided proof of 3 years enrollment into the medical program. They were "okay with this", but I still need to pass a drug test. They extended the offer to me with the condition I pass.

On the day of the drug test I will have had 27 days clean time. 158lbs, 5'8, and I workout a few times a week, and also visit the sauna lately to "sweat it out of me". I have passed drug tests using dilution and substitution while on probation and had it to a science pretty much. I have an eScreen test coming up that ALSO requires a physical to be completed at the same time as the drug test. So substitution seems to be impossible. I read on here people mention they would just do the drug test and then ditch the substitution shit in their car. And I will not have this luxury it sounds like.

I also read that the eScreen tests are only GC/MS confirmed in the event of a failure of the "initial drug test". Is this true? Aka, all I need to do is pass this quick immunoassay test and I am good to go?!

Here is my strategy;

Pop aspirin (does this even work anymore?)
Take the Strip NC detox drink (purely for the fact that they are really vitamin drinks that add color to my piss). This also blows the shit out of my colon and the way it makes me feel; I can't help but feel it just cleans the fuck out of you.
3 days prior to the drug test just start eating gummy vitamins like every couple hours.
Eat red meat the 2 days for dinner leading up to the drug test for creatine boost.
I think I might go to the store and buy some diuretic pills to help increase the frequency of urination.
Drinking 98 degree diuretics (Aka coffee/tea) like it is going out of style the morning of the test to get the game started.
Switch over to Gatorade/Grape/Cranberry juice to continue the "pissing all the time process".


What can I do to improve my strategy? What can I do to make sure that I get this awesome as fuck job? I need your words of encouragement guys.

I have been taking @ home drug tests, quick dip-stick ones and well..I've been passing if I go out to the bar and get piss drink, aka pissing water. And the last 2 days of "semi dilution", aka just getting my bladder going and pissing more than usual - but not at the frequency I would have it on the day of the drug test - and I swear I've been passing based on this post here;
http://boards.cannabis.com/drug-test...per-faint.html

But my girlfriend is not convinced that I am really passing. We've seen these @ home tests before, and we've had more solid lines indicating I am clearly passing. We almost think that it is wishful thinking because we know where the line is supposed to be, and I am just "tricking myself" into believing the line is there, when it might not even be.

At this time I have 4 more instant drug tests to play around with. So I am going to monkey around with them and just see what happens.

But please, throw me any advice you have, and words of encouragement.

I was in a situation very close to yours. Graduating in May, had a fucking awesome offer I accepted, and all contingent upon passing the drug screen. I can tell you a few things: 1. Do not take this lightly at all. If you can sub, DO IT. Don't be naive or lie to yourself thinking you can pass naturally. It's not worth the risk. If you are going to have to change into a gown for the physical, take the private changing time to hide your sub stuff. 2. They will only run the GC/MS if you fail the initial test, yes.

I have used Strip NC before and it has always worked. The first time I had to use it, I only had 36 hrs clean. I used the large 32oz bottle. I put it in the fridge the night before. The colder it is, the better it goes down. I passed with no problem. And yes, give yourself a little extra time to stop by a bathroom. I learned the hard way. I had a little accident on the way to take a job. After 27 days you should be ok. The only thing that I would suggest is not to take anything that will spike your metabolism the night before or in the morning, such as anything with caffeine or lots of sugar because you don't want you body to start burning any fat. With that much clean time you should be ok with a little bit of dilution and loaded up with some B vitamins. From what I have read, eating red meat just a few days before the test is not going to do much. It will give you a good excuse to tear into some nice steaks. I don't know if the aspirin will help, but I've been told that it will help with the specific gravity that comes with dilution and I start taking it very 4 hours the day before the test. One time I passed just after two weeks clean by dilution and B-vitamin, aspirin load up. And that was after being chronic for 6 months.I'm not an expert on this topic but I will tell you what has worked for me and do not take my advice over what you feel you need to land this gig. Good luck Brotha:thumbsup: and let us know how it turns out.

One other thing is do not work out :yippee: or do anything that will spike your metabolism 24 hrs before the test.