Stick situation

:wtf: So I been wondering something lately, about this problem I've been having. I live with my bf of three yrs, and we both smoke and are registered through the state. We live on the same property as his father, but in a different facility. His father lives with his gf and her son, who's like 12 in a 20yr old body. Now, the biggest issue is that all four of us are.registered and growing. Us in our space, them in theirs,(usually). The space for the growing is in the back part of our facility. So, r u keeping up? Now, his dads gf knows we don't like her so she never comes out there and expets her plants to magically grow. So usually I end up taking care of them because its.a.shame.and wasting money and electricity (that my bf and I pay for). My bf dad, "bob", is just plain slow. He he has very bad selective hearing and has no clue most of the time. One of those ppl who you can show.them a picture in a book, then show them in real life, and will still swear its different somehow. I'll tell him something from the book and hell go to.a.grow.shop somewhere in town and ask a bunch of pointless questions, only to be told the same thing. Then he will agree with the stupid grow guy even though I said the.same thing word for word, and insist I said something totally different. It says everywhere.I read that the bottoms of.the leaves aren't gonna absorb the light, but he puts tin foil on the floor cuz the ignorant "grow" dude said so. Garhg!! That's not the main problem though, I try to talk to my bf about it and his dad can do no.wrong. its causing a lot of unneeded tension between my bf and I. We plan on moving out next fall, but what do I do in Tue meantime?

:twocents:Don't know how long you two (four) have been together, but weigh his good quality against the bad! Give each a # like 10 the worst. And this is a TEN easily. The two of you may have much bigger issues!

Most people 'blindly' follow with the knowledge and skills they grew up with! It takes work to "grow out of that!" But, first it takes 'acknowledgement.' Assuming your bf has at least a high school education and is, let say under 25, he may have some time before he figures this out! He may never. But, you cannot be the one to point this out to him, or you are too contolling! Like a butterfly, he needs to spread his wings: Which, living in his own home (with or without you) will allow him some, 'grow up time!'

Personally, life is a project. There are times we seem more "intuitive" with introspection and choose to grow. Other times, we simply want to coast. Hopefully, the two of you will get in "sync" or things will change.

No one likes a loafer, but my bet is: Keep the witch out of your garden, since no one really likes her anyway!

Talking dow about ones relatives can only spark a fire that has no extinguisher! You may want to CHOOSE to totally IGNORE this and deal with the more immediate problems. His dad can be with whom he please's and he can totally IDEALIZE his dad! That is so totally ALLOWED! Don't mess with family and your relationship will endure!

Now, if there are other issue's between you two. . . what are they?
:bigsmoke:
Cause my experience says: Totally Shut Up or lose him! Since, I have heard nothing negative of himself, he seems fine to me!

As time passes, so will his Dad and you will feel bad!:( Pick on the things you can change, if that is what you need to do. He ain't killing the plants with the foil, so let it pass! I'd just enjoy each day and :smokin: pr

:twocents:

Thnx. Pr, but I'm not sure about this one. I'm not usually a person who upsets easily, so me being bothered is a real bother, lol. I Think time will pass and we will either grow apart, or we stay like this forever...lol, not! I didn't say anything bad about him because he's a whole diff. Subject, not bad, but complicated. I realize I said alot of mean things about his dad in that post out of frustration. I can admit that, but I guess its hard to express the situation to others. I'm put into a situation where I feel like the secretary and I feel like I'm always the bad guy. I never argue in front of his dad or others, its best to work things.out so everybody doesn't know ur bizz. But him or his dad can do no wrong, and he let's his.dad yell at me, not ok in my book, that's crossing bounderies. I don't call him names and yell at him. Ex: my bf and.him were arguing about the electricity bill ( which I pay most of) and it was said that I was costing extra electricity. I mentioned in a calm voice how.I.was the one paying the majority of the bill, and I got a slew of "stupid bitch" and"dumb bitch" and "shut the fuck up!" Not ok I don't care who's.house it is. I would.never disrespect him like that, and I'm helping him pay his bills. Come on. Either I need to move out or he needs to say something. He doesn't talk to his dads.girl like that...so y should I take it?

No PGS 420, you don't have to take it! It is severely disrespectful and you are considered a 'door matt!' Get out! You do not have to tolerate being called derogatory names. There is something wrong with those people! You deserve better and need to want that for yourself!

:mad:Being quiet is one thing. But calling you sorry assed names is BAD. No matter how you look at it.

Sure makes me wonder when the bf's Mother got wise and left! You need to follow that path (provided she is still living). Often, the way a man thinks of his Mom is much more important in the matters of your own relationship! Check it out and weigh the differences! You may be a lot like the fellows Mom and she may have been portrayed to be a 'bad' person. When in fact, she was just more intelligent than these guys!

We always have a choice. Do something, do nothing or choose maybe! You have all your facts and maybe doesn't look like an option for you at this point! You will not 'argue' the fb to your side of the fence and you are living in a hostile environment! You need a space where you can 'bloom' and be creative. Easier said than done. So, you need all the help you can muster! Hopefully, you have 'family' & friends for a good support system. This is a nice place for it, but it is so virtual. People (like myself included) can tell you many things, but you have to live it and make your own decisions! Not to mention, we are in and outta here by the click of a button. Plus, last night after 8:30 PM I couldn't even get on this site! Dunno why, just thought perhaps there was a cookie or something in my system for visiting another site (duh, no paranoia here). But, defragmented, cleared History and Cookie's! Still didn't work. O.K. today!

:(No matter what you decide, you need to set your own goals and go for it! You have support here. And, I would be the last person that would advise anyone leaving a relationship. First, I would suggest Therapy, but can tell that is not gonna work here. Cause you have some "know it alls' and they are always right and you are wrong. You keep being shoved down a hole, you start believing you belong there (you do not). You will and maybe already are losing your self-respect-esteme and the things that make you who you are. Don't know your age, but we are never young enough to not let it affect our future. Change your future by changing what you are presently accepting!

Wishing you the best and hope you can do what is best in a bad situation!:thumbsup: You don't need to argue or debate your 'rightness' with someone that knows it all. The apples don't fall too far from the tree and what his Dad is, is what you may waste a lot of your life with before you choose to make it better for yourself! Sadly, his Dad's gf is treated much better than you are and that SUCKS!!! Can't find an icon for run or would put it here!

Always plan your exit carefully! pr

Oh, and most important: PLAN Your Escape!