Hello all. Please help me. Thank You in advance.

I have battled depression all of my life. That, coupled with 2 horrible car incidents have caught up with me nearly 15 years later. I have had various counselors,been hospitalized and tried at least 15 "meds" that I can recall. You can guess what the only thing is that has provided me relief. Oh wait all it has done is suppress the symptoms. What does Xanax do???? WHY can I have all of the Adderall my body can stand but no Cannabis???? I won't go into all of the hell these worthless pills have put me through. EVERY "doctor" or whatever you want to call them in the last 3 years have given me combos that contradict themselves!! I know many many souls have a similar story themselves so forgive me for venting a bit. I have been diagnosed with PTSD by both my CNP and a "psychiatrist". The latest being last Thursday in ABQ,what a friggin ordeal I didn't need!! ALL he wanted to do was push more pharms. When I asked about natural remedies he assumed Cannabis and barked that he doesn't do that there. I had my records of course and after wasting my time and money with him I decided that I didn't want that office to have any copies. I politely asked for them back and was told in such a heartless way that the doc wanted them and she had to do it. I said I realized that he did but that is MY property and I don't give you permission to do anything other than hand them over. She got furious with me after I informed her that I know my rights and that the only thing she'd be doing was handing them over. She did,she literally threw them in my face and attempted to engage in a stare down. The chicken hearted doc was standing right next to me through this all and had not a word to say. He knew enough to know not to open his mouth. I've never hit a woman and I thank God he stayed out of it now. I gathered my wrinkled,wet papers( I guess she was clinching them and was nervous?) You all know how much of a PITA it is to gather these records. My Mother being with me is all that kept me from exploding in that office,I ran as far as I could away from her outside where I thought she wouldn't find me and I beat my hands bloody on some rough landscape rocks. Popped 2mg of alpra and did my best to hide it from her. I couldn't obviously,she's my Ma,she knew. Kenneth Harold Bull,avoid him like the plague. He came highly recommended from a very reliable source(not for prescribing Cannabis but at that point I was still open to trying for any insight and help other than the poison meds) but if you want to try something besides bonus biased meds don't go to him. Duh by now right? I read on here that Nurse Practitioners are the way to go. I attest to that as being a fact,not an opinion. Mine has told me where to get all the paper work to send in and I believe her when she says if it were solely her call I'd have it by now. I have been totally honest with her and she has tried to help me more than anybody in the field and with COMPASSION. She has told me that she doesn't know how else to help me and at this point the negatives of a natural plant of which we all have receptors for in our brains far out weigh the joke meds we've tried. Yeah we!! She seems as determined as I to give me happiness for what remains of my life. Why is she so willing to let me try it but the quacks won't? She has no less risk of loosing her DEA #. Ah someone mentioned the MONEY side,loss of business,etc for quacks. Are they not required to take the same hypocritical oath as an ER doc would??There seems to be so much unwillingness to REALLY adhere to the hypocratical oath and help people. I KNOW what works for me. I lived for a spell in various areas around Denver and Boulder was never far away. So basically I have done what I need to do legally but I can't seem to find that second signature. I am really happy for those of you who have the legal ability to do what the Constitution entitles you to. I really mean that, kind souls. With that being said please don't write if you have anything mean to say. This is MY life I WANT to LIVE it!! Give me my right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nah 2 diagnoses have left me to 5150,guess I'll get a third. With that will I be section 8 all my life? Like I said I want to live and these pharms are KILLING me. Thanks,peace to you all. Let me believe this agony I have won't ruin me. I am a fighter but you know I'm in the 8th and it won't end in a 12th round split decision.

Check out some of the newer posts in the forum. They have listed several docs in your area that would be willing to help.

I fell your pain. Like most of us that can not take the pharms and have no access to a more natural or holistic healing. We have to take it on our selves to grow our own meds. Growing is not hard nor really expensive. If I weighed the cost of the pharms agaisnt the MMJ even at high street price I'm still way ahead. And I don't have to put up with the rabble on the street slinging it.

Doctors are there to help but in the end I and I alone decide what I take and what I don't take. I lost my heart doctor because it was his way or the highway, That's why he went to school so long and I didn't. That's what he told me.Then he sent me to have 100,000 dollar sergery. I have no insurance to pay and it put my family in a life long debt. This will not be payed off before I die. Now I'm depressed, as if it was not bad enough. To leave your family debt insted of insurance to help when I'm not there anymore. Now I'm deeply depressed.

well my family doctor now knows what I do and we cannot talk about it because of where we live. But he loves what it has done for me and would like to help others but his hands are tied.

I hope you find the peace you are looking for. Depression is not a easy thing to live with.

These guys here on the boards will give you good advice if you are willing to take advice.

Thank you for pointing me in a direction.

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation and leaving behind debt. You are right my friend. When you are alone it is what it is. Docs just don't seem to care and we as human beings DO NOT deserve to be treated this way. I say alone but I believe in God so I never really feel alone, not since I screamed out for him to help me. I never prayed for myself solely just that he help me be bearable to those I still have around me. I respect all beliefs and mine is that he gave us everything we need to live on this planet. Evil influenced the people that took 2,000# of Coca leaves and make a kilo of "cocaine". All mammals have cannabinoid receptors in the brain along with opium. That is no co incedence. I offer all the hope I can give on a PC to you and I will pray for you and your family. I KNOW how hard it is to have faith,call it a crutch,what you will but it can't hurt. Comfort my friend. Use your anger in a positive way like I am trying to do.

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Originally Posted by coolslayer

These guys here on the boards will give you good advice if you are willing to take advice.

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I am very willing. Please help me. Thanks for the reply. Please help me so I can help others. I've had many chances to die and I am still here,I believe I am starting to see why.

That's good,brother. PM me at coolslayer13(at)yahoo(dot)com.