Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome sparked by marijuana (sativa)

For the past 4 months, I've been going through post traumatic stress from the first time I smoked marijuana. My guess? I just wasn't ready for it.

These past four months, I've felt as if I've been suffering in a very cruel psychological way. I understand that this is something that the board/community isn't used to dealing with too often, but if there is someone out there who can relate, or even just understand what I'm going through and give me any words of comfort regarding it, I would appreciate it very very much. Keep in mind that what I wrote is quite long [and pretty private, it took a bit of courage to post it up here]; don't overestimate though, I would imagine the readings to be done within 15-20 minutes time.

Basically, the experience itself was this:
-Smoked out of a Bubbler several times (my first time)
-Had a "bad high"
-Lasted several hours
-Woke up in a dream-like state
-"Munchies" lasted a good 20-30 days

I've included three documents in this post. The first I wrote about 2 1/2 - 3 months after the event. The second I wrote about 2 weeks after that. And the third I just finished writing a few moments ago. I provided 2 versions of each, one for Microsoft Word 2007, and the other for 97-2003; for compatibility reasons.

(click a format to view the file in, to download)
Document 1: [Word 2007] [Word97 - 2003]
This first document explains my experiences/observations from before, during, and after the event, up till about 1 month ago.

Document 2 [Word 2007] [Word97 - 2003]
This second document was written when I thought I had a revelation. I tried to identify what it is that bothers me (as every post traumatic case involves these "triggers", that would ultimately be the cause of my DP/DR).

Document 3 [Word 2007] [Word97 - 2003]
I finished this final document a few moments before the submitting of this post. It encompasses all my current problems that I think need to be resolved, this is the document to really pay attention to, while keeping the others in mind.

I discovered that I cannot do this alone no matter how hard I try, I am really in need of some help(everyone needs help sometime), and I would do whatever I can to repay your kindness; yes, its that bad, I feel that disoriented. I don't expect much - if any - people to read those documents, and thats fine, I'd understand; but for those that do, you have no idea how much you could help, and I thank you very much.

Please make sure you thoroughly read and understand all documents (especially the third) before giving err..blunt advice. The worst thing you could do is give me a statement that I may have this very rare psychological disorder onset by the marijuana; I'm agnostic, I believe many things are possible xD

Again, Thank you.. and I really, really appreciate all those who try to help :)

Go and see a Doctor

Seriously - you sound just like a guy who posted here a little while back, you might even be the same person.

Don't try and get advice on a pot board about something this serious (no offence to everyone here btw!) you really need to approach a professional instead of convincing yourself you have PTSD.

Good luck

Oh I've already seen a psychiatrist, he told me it was post traumatic stress. I just can't afford a therapist right now..my dad is going through financial problems and I'm just a community college student. So my only option is to provide therapy for myself (such as typing that all out) and see where it leads me.

I've read the posts from the link you sent me, and while thats not me, you're right that it does seem pretty familiar..but only in terms of someone else getting a "bad high" and is now going through the ripple effects. (which would be considered post traumatic stress)

There's actually 18 pages of people like him and me here: [Click]

If you only smoke a little bit, Cannabis will moderate post-traumatic stress disorder.

That's my take on it. It moderates all the cells in your body. The bubbler may not have been clean.

European countries, I think Germany, used Cannabis for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, during W.W. II

Ok i did read everything you wrote, and i think i can give you an explanation that you wont read (or hear) anywhere else. I wish it helps you to at least understand exactly what is happening with you.

One model we can use to understand how our mind works is to compare it with a radio, which can be tuned to several stations, each different station being a different state of mind we are percieving or feeling or existing into, like awake, dreaming, daydreaming, stoned, hallucinating, etc.

One thing that differentiates this different "tunings" of the mind is what the mind pays more attention to, and what it disregards. So, for example, when we're awake our minds (usually) pays more attention to the external events than to the memories, so the external events feels more "real" than the memories. Yet when we're dreaming, our minds pays more attention to its own workings (memories, fears, etc) and less atention to the external environment, and so we dream, and while dreaming we forget that there is an "external world". When one is having a pleasant experience on weed, it senses feel heightened (music sounds awesome, any food tastes delicious, images seems beautiful, etc), which means the mind is paying more attention to its senses than when its "sober"... and the same goes for every concievable state of mind. The different states of mind, different "tunings" of it are differences in what the mind is focusing more attention in, and what the mind is disregarding.

When our minds are finely tuned into some state, this state feels "real", and when our minds are loosely tuned into some state (imagine a children playing with a radio dial), this state feels "unreal", "dreamy". Thats what happens when we fall asleep. When we're awake, our minds are finely tuned in the "awake" station, and so we precieve the outside world as a waking person.

Then when we start to fall asleep, our "dials" starts to get loose and to wander aimlessly, away from the "awake" station. Then we start to having that strange thoughts in that intermediate state between awake and sleeping, and as our minds "tune out" more and more from the awake station, we start to have increasingly deeper dreams, until we were completly unaware of our external surroundings (or, in other words, we are sleeping).

But, the "realness" of a state of mind comes exclusively from the "fine tunedness" of the mind in whatever state it be. So, if for any reason the mind fine tune itself in any "dream" station, this dream will feel very real, as much real as it were the "fine tunedness" of the mind in this state. This is the reason because (usually) our waking consciousness feels "real", while the dreams feels "unreal", "dreamy": because we are very used to tune our mind in the awake station, and so we can tune it very finely in this awake station, while when we are sleeping usually our minds are somewhat "loose", and dont tune finely in any station for long, but keeps wandering from station to station, giving an disconnected, dreamy perspective.

Now, how it applies to your particular situation. I remember youve said before the experience you had a natural inclination to zone out, that you had some episodes of sleep paralysis, felt the bed (or rather your body) vibrating, and after the experience you even had an OOBE. All this are signs that your mind have an unusual ability to loose its tune in whatever state it be (usually the "awake" one). Zoning out is the result of a very slight change in the "station" the mind is tuned into, sleep paralysis and the perception of the vibrational state are results of a larger change in the "dial", and OOBEs are results of a greater displacement of the minds "dial".

Note that this changes, even if unusual, are completly normal. Maybe many doctors (and people in general) wont agree, and will insist that the only "normal" tuning of the mind is the one we usually are at when we're awake, sober and in "perfect use of the mental faculties". I dont deem them guilty of their ignorance. They are just confusing "normal" with "usual", and "known". Remember of it when you see a doctor, psychiatrist or whatever.

Anyway, the only "important" thing that the tuning of the mind in the usual "awake, sober, normal" station has is that this tuning is the one we share with most people around us. Most of peoples minds are tuned into this "awake, sober, normal" station, and so all of them percieve the world the same way, and thus agree with what they are percieveing, deeming this way of percieving as "normal", "real". Yet, they hardly agree with their other mind stations (its unusual to have two or more persons sharing the same dream, for example, even if it IS possible), and so they think this other stations are unreal.

(As a sidenote, not only sharing dreams is possible, but many people who usually have OOBEs and have conscious control over them agrees that the "world" you percieve while having OOBEs is as real as the one we are right now, and different OOBErs agree with what they percieve in that world the same way we agree with what we percieve in this physical world. The same agreement of perception is shared by shamans and normal people under effects of some plants during their rituals, or even by some "trippers" when tripping with some hallucinogens).

So, being able to tune the mind in other stations than the "awake, sober, normal" one is NOT a disease, but in fact a natural property of our mind. When we are children, our minds can wander freely and tune in any stations, much like it does when we are sleeping. Then, because of our SOCIALIZATION, our minds LEARN to focus in one precise tuning, exactly the one i call the "awake, sober, normal" station. As we grow, we learn to make this tuning finer and finer, we condition our mind "dials" to stay "glued" to this precise station. Its what makes us percieve the way we (and everybody else) do, and what makes us think that its the only state our mind should be tuned at.

From this viewpoint, what happened with you can be explained very easily. Cannabis, like any other mind altering substance, does induce a change in the station the mind is tuned at. The greater the dose (or rather the percieved effect), greater the displacement from the original tuning. So, you smoked and your mind tuned out from the "awake, sober, normal" station and wandered far, very far, because the weed. Usually, with almost every person, the mind is SO conditionated to be tuned at the "awake, sober, normal" station, that after the weed effects wears off the mind tunes back to this station, and the person feels "sober" again. But in your case, it wasnt so. Probably your (already present) ability to have the mind "untuned" or "loosely" tuned avoided that your mind could completly return to the "awake, sober, normal" station, and kept it wandering aimlessly from station to station (the various mind states you started to feel after the experience).

And the episodes you had after smoking, that you said were triggered by several things, were also changes in your minds "dial", when it re-tuned at the same station it did when you smoked the first time, and so triggered a re-living of the event.

Now, even if i know what happened, i dont know what advice i could give you. You are NOT crazy. Your condition is very unusual by the standards of our society, but there isnt anything wrong with your mind. Its working differently from the other people, and it may make you different from the "standard", but it doesnt mean that your mind is "wrong". Its working as anyones mind before it were conditioned by socialization, so i would even say that your mind is far more free than anybodys else. For you what you feel may feel scary, weird, whatever, but there are some people (shaman apprentices, some monks, etc) who spends several years training their minds to reach a state like yours, and uses it for their own benefit. So, if you lived in their societies, you would be considered a "genius", a "very gifted" person, and not a "crazy" one.

I dont know if there is anything you could do to return to the "normal" state. Maybe some doctor jam you with heavy drugs (they call them "medicines") and they numb, dumb, or mess your mind in such way that you feel "normal" again, but i dont think it would be good, as it surely would have side effects.

The thing that shouldve been done was to surrender to the experience when you felt it the first time. When i smoked the first time i felt almost exactly what you felt. I also felt afraid, but i accepted it and flowed with it, even being afraid. So i ended enjoying it a lot, even if frightened (the same way one can enjoy a rollercoaster exactly because its frightening). And today i would smoke ANY amount of any weed only to catch a glimpse of that "seeing the things in frames" feeling again... i REALLY would... :jointsmile::abduct:

But now we cant change the past. So i think the only concrete thing you could do is to learn to live in this state of mind you are now. I would advise to dont fight against it, as it would only make you tired. When you was born, everything was new, and you had to become used to this world. Now you should do the same. Assume that your mind was born again and that you should become used to this "new" world you live now. Dont fight with it, but accept it. I think its the best you could do. I dont claim that it would be easy. Surely it would easier to come back to that old state of mind that you were used to, but if it were impossible, the best you can do is forget that and keep living. Remember, again, that there are people who would even die to percieve the world the way you do.
(I also thought about suggesting you to smoke some Indica, but im not sure if it would bring the desired results, so i prefer not to. At least for now.)

There is some books concerning this "theory" i explained. If you have interest, tell me and i can give you their names (or even PDFs). Also, whatever you want to ask, comment, just ask. I wish to help you as much as i can. And, at last but not at least, welcome to this forums! :thumbsup:

PS. Im assuming that youre a girl. Forgive me if youre not. Its not important to the subject itself, but only for me to picture better who im talking to.

I had the same thing happen to me. I had a huge panic attack once while stoned and for a month or so after I was in a constant dream like state. Massive anxiety as well (I remember I couldn't get an erection it was that bad :p ). I did think I was going insane which didn't help at all. Plus, I have OCD which made me obsess over the thought of going crazy. (weed helps with OCD btw) What did help me the most was meditation and yoga. It helps you take control of your mind and your reality. You might not be into the spiritual side, but it is the best thing for anxiety. It's totally gone now after a year and I honestly have meditation and yoga to thank. Another thing that might help is (if you're in college) is to take a semester off. Clear your head. It never hurts to take some time off to get things in order. Don't worry, you'll be back in no time :) Hell, maybe you'll even give weed a chance again :p

First let me say i appreciate your words, a lot. I doubted that anyone would really read, understand, and give feedback towards what I presented this board.

I understand your theory of the "waves" our brain gets used to, it makes a lot of sense. And I really appreciate your attempts to help me, and you have (for parts of it).

So I'm going to assume you're correct about the theory you presented, since it does make sense. But I have no control over these "shifts" in waves. If you're right on your theory, then I would be able to control when these shifts occur..how would I go about doing that? because right now it feels I'm lost in-between waves (sleep/awake), how do I get back up to that "awake" state? and have better control of this new-born ability (as you said, is a gift)

and to answer your question, no I'm not a girl. just a 19 yr old guy. I understand why you would think that though, because when you were introduced to my text, you saw that tidbit about me having to check my appearance in the mirror always. That's just how I've always been, I'm always self-conscious about my appearance. lolz :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by scriber02

So I'm going to assume you're correct about the theory you presented, since it does make sense. But I have no control over these "shifts" in waves. If you're right on your theory, then I would be able to control when these shifts occur..how would I go about doing that? because right now it feels I'm lost in-between waves (sleep/awake), how do I get back up to that "awake" state? and have better control of this new-born ability (as you said, is a gift)

---

Well... usually, most of us has not the ability to shift, at will, the "tuning" of our minds. Its a thing the mind does by itself, without our conscious control. When youre sleeping and wake up do you say for your mind "OK mind, now i want to wake up, so stop dreaming and start to percieve the outside world the way you does when im awake"? Im sure not... when you wake up, the mind automatically tunes itself into the "awake" mode... i would say the control we have upon this "tuning" is somewhat like the control we have over our muscles when walking, for example. We know exactly what to do to walk, but we dont know (at least consciously) exactly which muscles to contract, how much to contract, and etc. We just walk, without thinking about it. And the same goes with the mind tuning. It (usually) works by itself, outside our conscious control.

BUT, there are ways to control it. I had forgot it completly, but thanks to Dream Of The Iris' post i remembered that meditation is indeed the most usual way to control this shifts of consciousness. In fact, meditation is exactly a procedure to learn how to move the consciousness' tuning at will. So i think it would help you a lot if you learned to meditate/concentrate.

Cause what makes the mind to stick in some definite "tuning" is exactly the attention, in what the mind is paying atention at that moment. When we're awake, we LEARN to pay attention to the outside world (mostly), so when we're awake our minds keep fixed in the tuning that allows us to percieve the outside world as "real". But when we're sleeping, we need not to pay attention to the outside world, so the mind can pay attention to other things (like memories), to become fixed in other stations that allows us to percieve other things than the outside world, like dreams, for example.

So, if you were able to train your mind to keep your attention completly (or at least at a large extent) focused in the outside world, it would help your mind to keep "tuned" in the "awake" mode. Keeping the attention focused is the key to keep the mind tuned in any "station". And letting the attention wander is the key to make the mind loosen its tuning (exactly what happens when we daydream, for example).

And i wouldnt say that your state is exactly a "gift". All of us are born with this ability, but due our socialization, we "unlearn" it, we force our minds to keep fixed in only one way of percieving the world. You, by chance, luck, or whatever, could return to our "original" state, the state of freedom of perception, when we can percieve in many ways, instead the one imposed on us by the society. And if you learn how to control and use it, surely it will be much more than a "gift", it will be an unvaluable skill.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by scriber02

and to answer your question, no I'm not a girl. just a 19 yr old guy. I understand why you would think that though, because when you were introduced to my text, you saw that tidbit about me having to check my appearance in the mirror always. That's just how I've always been, I'm always self-conscious about my appearance. lolz :)

---

Well... in this case forgive me. Now i know that girls arent the only ones who has this "attraction" to mirrors... lol! Just kidding, man! :thumbsup:

I've been trying to take your advice and get used to it, embrace it..but I can't

I feel like I'm a ghost, floating everywhere. I'm not sure how..monks find this useful. All its done is made me philosophically obsessed (because its psychologically brought many new perspectives toward the surface).

The bottom line is I have no more happiness in my life, I'm completely drained. Great for the shamans that enjoy feeling this way, I honestly don't. I had goals/dreams, now everything's gone.

I don't feel alive..I feel...undead.

Sorry about your plight ( the worlds in the poop shoot for sure




munchies really got to ya huh?

30 days and nights [rofl]


my advice...

puff with care