HELP! (substitution, observed UA, drug?'s)

Well here's my situation. I live with my parents. They drug test me randomly with home tests and also at a place downtown where they make a guy observe me (10$ = tests for weed, 30$ = tests for everything).

I'm of the opinion that I should buy a whizzinator and fill it with quickfix to pass these observed and home tests but I need to know if that will work and if you guys have any better ideas.

Questions:(and ?'s from my friend)
1. Quickfix = "100 percent success" (if used right).....Seriously? It will pass EVERY! SINGLE! METHOD! USED FOR DRUG TESTING BY URINE??
What kind of tests wont it pass?

The place downtown is also a place used for people on probation. They take my urine sample and spin it around inside some machine and get the results about 10-15min (for the 10$ test) or up to an hour(for the 30$ one). What test does that? Will Quick fix pass it anyway?

2. Will quickfix work with the whizzinator? *It seems that it would but I just had to ask*

3. Will the whizzinator fool some guy working at the downtown place observing me from the other side of the slightly opened door 3-4 ft away? I heard it kind of looks fake. from that distance could he tell? I'm so paranoid i feel like, since it's his job, he would figure out the size of the whizzinator (unless u can buy different sizes?) and bust me because he just recognizes that penis by seeing it so much.

I can't tell him to go away when he observes me because my parents will think I'm up to something and flip out just as hard as if I failed. So that won't work.

4. Off subject question. If you had your "stuff" in a lock box and a cop searches your car and gets to the box and asks for the key which you swallowed or something. From what I have heard, he can't get in it without a search warrant and then leave it at that and then you can just go home and take the stuff out and even throw the box away if you wanted to (that is if he came over with a warrant the next day or later that night). Is that true? What really happens?

How long does it even take them to get a warrant?

5. I have also heard that if you have mushrooms in a bag and were pulled over/searched then caught, that would be considered concealed. Although, if it were in anything else besides that (like an opened can) you could just throw it out the window and they can't bust you because it isn't in a bag and not concealed and not on you...
TRUE???
To me thats Bullsh*t, if the cop sees you chuck the can, that's littering and then if he searches it and finds the shrooms then you get f'd over. But the guy telling me this said "As long as it isn't in a bag and not on you or in your car. Then they can't do anything." That doesn't even make sense to me but he said he "Knows a guy" who has been through this 3 times and that's what he said. I guess it would make sense if they didn't see you ditch it.

6. Will the whizzinator fool my parents?? (If they tried to sneak a peek at me to see if I'm trying to cheat or something?)
Plz help me :(


(if you don't have time 2 read this just answer the questions.)

And now my thesis on:
To smoke weed? or not to smoke weed and blow my brains out?

I have not smoked in a year because of this. I need to find a way people! My parents force me to go to our LDS (mormon) church even when they know that I'm a full blown atheist.

When I don't go, they smack me upside the head! Now I have to pretend that i have changed my so called "Evil" ways and have SEIZED THE DEMONS! Now I have to go worship a man. NOT GOD. F*CKING JOSEPH SMITH IS THE ONLY THING WE TALK ABOUT AND ALL THAT BS HE WROTE IN THE BOOK OF MORMON!

I'm ALMOST 19 YEARS OLD! I LIVE IN A CRAZY HOUSE I NEED WEED OK, PLEASE! I HAVE NO WHERE TO GO! 1 Church service = 3 HOURS! NOT 1 HR!!! Plus i have to go to "Mens Ward" (it's a get together from within our church and we study our bible, go bowling, and watch Napoleon Dynamite. That show is not funny anymore. No amount of weed makes that movie good when you have seen it EVERY SINGLE F*CK WEEKEND!)

Then throughout each day we read from the scriptures for an hour or two after dinner... MY WHOLE LIFE IS A CHURCH SERVICE! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
WE WEAR MAGIC UNDERWEAR. THAT'S RIGHT, GOOGLE IT. MAGIC MORMON F*CK UNDERPANTS, I'M NOT KIDDING. I WEAR THE SHIT OUT OF THEM!
It was so much easier when I could be baked off my ass and not give a crap.

I have counseling sessions every friday and heres the kicker, It's done at my church by a guy IN MY WARD! WHO I SEE 4-5 TIMES EVERY WEEK IN GENERAL! F*CK! first session he opens with: "Hopefully the word of joseph smith will guide you" WTF. THIS IS NOT EVEN REAL COUNSELING! They think earth is no more than 6000 yrs old...and these people are trying to "fix" me. I study psychology and science. I have an idea of what should be asked but forget it, it's mormon town.
We close every session with a prayer with my family. Yeah they tend to come along to each session. Not just mom and dad but the whole 9-pack. "We are all here for you, there's nothing to fear here".

College is my only way out, BUT WAIT! I'm going to mormon college. Bringham Young University! More church, but hey I'm going to get a job there and get an apartment. Until then They aren't even going to pay for me to go to college until I go on a mission. My brother went on a mission when he was 20, for 2 years. So 22 is the age of freedom. You know that guy that wakes you up early in the morning to talk about god and is not a jehova's witness. Yeah that's going to be me soon. The only internet i have is through my buddies house, which I'm at right now. I'm spending the night here so hopefully I will have answers by tomorrow morning.

Can't move out! I live on a ranch! no jobs anywhere within walking distance. I don't have a car. What i did have was my buddy down the road. *and he is always putting that good soil of his to good work if you know what I mean* AND he can buy me the materials needed to help me! sorry for the long post. I just have alot to vent out right now.

LOL! I'm drinking mountain dew right now.....and that means to my parents, the equivalent of digging up joseph smith's corpse, dick slapping him in the face, and rolling a joint with pages from the book of mormon.

man i feel bad. and i have no idea what to say. i would feel bad if i was in your situation.
I used to work in this place, where they did random drug testing and the threat of getting caught was too much that i didnt smoke. I talked to a man who grew and told me that him and his wife need to smoke every nite for chronic pain...well to make a long story short, he said that he took Golden Seal Root every day to smoke and pass drug tests. I guess 3 pills each meal. for well as long as u are smoking... I tried this and quit smoking 6 days before a drug test and took golden seal, 3 a day and then i took like 4 or 5 before the test. I passed, so i dont know if this was from the pills or the fact that i didnt smoke for 6 days, and i also wasnt a heavy smoker back then. its up to you, sorry for the ramble. Good luck to you, Keep your head up

1: QF is 100% effective on ALL drug tests. Keeping the temp right is the only easily taken care of issue.
2:Yes
3:At that distance you should be fine. If he gets to nosey pull your dick back in and call him a homo.
4:He has to get a search warrant to open a locked box or your car if you haven't given him permission. Or he get one of his phony drug sniffing dogs to hit on the car which gives him reasonable suspiscion to enter. Cops can get phone warrants if they want but usually don't. They'll just impound the car and get one at there leisure.
5: Depends on the state and how seriously they take mushroom possession

Just tough it out till you're an adult. We all had to do it to a certain extent. Once your 18 you can go do what ever you want and suffer the consequences yourself and your parents can say "I told you so you little bastard"lol

You may be circumstantially unable to gain religious freedom due to your parents, but think of it this way. You are saying that your parents are basically holding you religiously and mentally hostage, but the only threat they are leveling against you (that you mentioned) is that they will refuse to pay for your college.

I'm telling you right now, YOU ARE ABLE TO CHANGE YOUR SITUATION. You are a legal adult, whether you are financially independent or not, and that means that it is your responsibility to become financially independent, especially because you are in a situation that is unfavorable to you. If the circumstances you find yourself in have actually brought you to the point of "to smoke weed or to not smoke weed and blow your brains out," then I'd say that weed is the last thing you should be thinking about. You have serious issues with your family that are no doubt going to be very painful and difficult to work through, but it seems to me that your only choice is to remove yourself from their grasp.

It sounds like you live in a remote place. This means you need a a way to get to town independent of your parents or family. Thats the first step on the road to freedom, man, I'd suggest you work hard at finding a bus route accessible to you or maybe a long-distance bike ride to work is necessary. Squirrel every dollar you get away in a car-fund. Maybe your buddy or his family would be sympathetic to your situation and help you get access to work. Maybe you have extended family that is less zealot-esque than your immediate one and would be willing to help you.

Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Hi, this is his friend talking now.

I called him this morning to tell him about what you have said and he is happy.
I'm trying to convince my parents to let him live with us for a few years and they are thinking about it. He would have to work on the ranch of course but it's nothing new to him (we really need an extra hand any ways). Plus my sister drives to work every day and that solves the getting into town part. I just called my friend to tell him to hold back a couple days before we buy the quick fix and all that to see if I can get this figured out.
My parents barely know my friend and know how his family is like but I think they will say yes once they get to know him better.
Thanks for all the feedback. More will be appreciated.