Emotional baggage

I have been thinking about it a lot, and I think one reason I have so much trouble breaking from friendship into romance is that all my experiences growing up where genitals were involved have been very unpleasant for me. My first genital contact with other people started around six years of age and I didn't know anything the hell about it... so I tried it on another kid thinking it was just games kids play and... well... it sucked to be me when an adult walked in... then later whoever came in last at footraces had to rim the winner... and I was the fat kid... total lack of supervision during playtime... then a babysitter would go shopping and leave her miscreant teenager to watch all us kids... then a friend of my sisters said she would scream rape if I didn't rub her vulva with my penis, then afterward she told me I got her pregnant and I was too naive to know better... uhh... do you guys think I can break my barriers without psychiatric help? I'm afraid of shrinks, plus I am dead broke. And do you think this stuff is what's blocking me from getting with anyone? I know the acquaintances here are very casual and everyone wants to just enjoy this board or whatever, but I am soooo lonely please tell me anything you think may be helpful. Thanks. And several of you I probably won't be able to rep yet, just letting you know in advance.

Did you try talking to a psychiatrist yet? I don't know if anybody here could tell you how to move past prior experiences, psychological barriers are ultimately something only you can overcome.

But hey, ultimately you can't expect yourself as a child to be able to handle sexual experiences responsibly, it's all pretty confusing stuff at that age. The fault lies on circumstance, not you.

Hmmm... maybe I should get over my fear of mental health professionals and come up with the money to see one... too bad you have to have money where I live to get treatment... That's a strange thing here... if you fantasize about criminal acts you actually can't get the help to not act it out... there has to be an actual victim count first. Score one for the right wing!!! Not that I fantasize about criminal acts, I'm just saying.

I started laughing when I noticed that you were analyzing your psychological issues with genitalia.

Do not worry about it. They are as important, and meaningful, as your hands.

Where about do you live?....Well,thereason I ask is maybe your state has a medical program you can join for free.I know here in Hawaii they offer free insurance to those of us who no can afford and it's free to talk to a psychiatrist.
Sounds like you do need someone to not just talk to,but open up to and express your problems and fears.
Scratch that,No Need to say where you live,you may just wanna google abit of info on your state and its benefits and programs.
You cannot change the past,but you can change how you look at it and how you accept it.Hope everything works out for you Bro.

I live in TX. It's a big enough state I don't think I need to worry. :) Beachguy, it's funny you should say that... last night I had a dream in which I castrated myself and it seemed so realistic. Then I went to the doctor to have my balls reattached and I was somewhat apathetic as far as whether I really wanted it back or not. But Beachguy, what's there to laugh about in my post? If you had only used your hands a few times growing up, and every time you used them you ended up mortally wounding yourself with scissors I think you might develop a psychological issue regarding handy work. Wow, I think I should ponder this more on my own.

Excellent decision to ponder this on your own!

My head must've been going in one direction when you said, "genitals", and then had to turn the other way, causing my windpipe to send out a "laugh-like" gas.

Find someone that understands you, Don't necessarily tell them all this freaky stuff all at once of course. Like, for instance, tell them the babysitter story and see if it turns them on? I mean, damn, I wish I had your babysitter growin up, except I woulda quit the track team if they make you 'rim' the winner. :rasta:

Lol. I hear you beachguy, genitals is a funny word. I was messed up when I made this post and I was just reaching out there with material that's unnecessarily burdensome for the generally light reading here. I was the rude one actually. THC, I forgot to mention the miscreant teenager was a dude. And I'm not gay so it wasn't hot at all. For anyone with emotional problems like this, one piece of advice... if you get falling-over drunk with no one else around, this shit is liable to come up like the three gallons of mac and cheese you're about to spew, and it's just as unpleasant for anyone within the splash radius.:glugglug::toilet_claw:

if it comes up when your drunk, you should go talk to someone about it. i went to therapy for a while and it helped me no end :)