Dealing with death?

So, last night my ex Father in Law died...I was pretty close to him..I think he was 69...he died this morning at the hospital at 3 am..

I dont feel like I have become cold, but death has really been hitting hard this year..I picked up my youngest daughter to take her to school this morning and talked to her briefly about it and her emotion was a lot like mine...she said to me "everyone has gotta die"...those are my words, I have put that inside of her...I am sure I use that as a coping mechanism and now she does to...I guess I just wonder if what I have taught her is right..

death...I seem to be an expert on that one since the last few years. I dont see anything wrong with what you told her, but death will affect everyone differently depending on your emotional attachment to that person. True enough your daugher may just be saying it because that is what she hears you say, but may actually be feeling something different in her heart, only she knows and you will never know unless you ask her.:) My suggestion is sit her down and ask her how she feels, whats on her mind and such.The deaths I have experienced were totally unexpected and very vicious to say the least, so I guess when it comes like that your mind has a harder time understanding it, and may not ever, and why. Another thing is that tragic deaths are always rougher because they affect your mind differently than if it were expected from "normal" death circumstances (old age, etc.) and not abnormal deaths such as murder, tragic accidents, etc. I am now going through another person I love dying slowly from cancer, and yes I can say it has affected me differently as watching someone slowly slip away is hard as well, but in general death just happens, always has, always will. Best words of advice I can give you is to always tell your loved ones you love them as you never know when you may not have the chance, then its too late to say anything. Hope this helps.

^^^^^^ i agree with those words 100%

I think some of the hardest things to deal with about death is the fact that it is so hard to get used to the fact that the person that died, is gone forever.

I was best friends with my grandfather, i never had a father, so my grandpa sort of took the role of teaching me things about life. taught me to treat a woman with respect, he taught me how to properly bait a hook, he taught me how to drive a car. when he died, it was like a brick wall had hit me. one minute he's here and the next he's gone forever. life isn't always inevitable, but death is.

i wondered to myself, could there be another world, a parallel world that he entered when he died? As far as I know, he could just as easily be somewhere better than here, than somewhere worse than here. if that makes sense. we know NOTHING about death, except that it hits us all at some point. the fear of the unknown is probably why so many people are scared of dying.

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Originally Posted by Ghengis Chron

I think some of the hardest things to deal with about death is the fact that it is so hard to get used to the fact that the person that died, is gone forever.

I was best friends with my grandfather, i never had a father, so my grandpa sort of took the role of teaching me things about life. taught me to treat a woman with respect, he taught me how to properly bait a hook, he taught me how to drive a car. when he died, it was like a brick wall had hit me. one minute he's here and the next he's gone forever. life isn't always inevitable, but death is.

i wondered to myself, could there be another world, a parallel world that he entered when he died? As far as I know, he could just as easily be somewhere better than here, than somewhere worse than here. if that makes sense. we know NOTHING about death, except that it hits us all at some point. the fear of the unknown is probably why so many people are scared of dying.

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First of all...cool username:jointsmile:

I agree with you...we can only specualate what happens after this life ends...could be black, could be heaven, could go to purgatory awaiting armaggedon, could go to hell...Fuck, no body knows and I dont care...when I die, I die and whatever happens, happens...


edit: here is some good rep for being cool...

We are in a society that denies death on a personal level. Widow(er)s are ignored or even shunned. It is not uncommon to lose the majority of your friends after the initial mourning period.

We do not speak of death unless it has affected us in a personal way. We are afraid of death.

In the 1800s, we had a different death culture. Death was a constant companion. Women in childbirth, children and babies died in large numbers. It was not that unusual for a woman to lose half of her children before they hit their teens. Or for a man to outlive his first two wives, only to be outlived by the third wife.

There is a bit from Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain where (I think) Tom is speaking to his aunt who had thought him dead and drowned in the Mississippi River- "But I'm past the dyin' age!" Even children were aware of mortality back then.

Now, until a grandparent dies, most children are blissfully unaware of death. I have had to field a question at school where a child told me he was afraid to go to sleep, "because granpa went to sleep and they put him in a box in the dirt!" That was a merry mess to sort out!

Then there was Elizabeth, whose father was killed in an auto accident last year. She is 6- there I am hugging her on the playground, explaining that Daddy was so broken he HAD to go to heaven because we couldn't make him well here! And that he really wishes he could give her a hug, so I give her one to replace it.

Yeah, how do you deal with death?

An online friend killed herself recently. I got drunk and stoned for 2 days. Monday I went to work. Quietly explained the situation to my boss (who understood, Goddess bless her) and went about my business. "The wind made my eyes water and my allergies were acting up", but you just keep in moving through life. Today was better. Tomorrow will be better still. We do not forget, but life goes on- no matter what. Cry if you have to, but LIVE!- Granny

Due to my spiritual beliefs, we are very matter of fact about death in our family. We mourn the person because we'll miss them, but we accept death as merely another phase of the journey, and believe that we'll see them again, either on this plane, or another.

Now, I can't pretend I'd be so sanguine if it was my husband or my children who died. A friend of mine died this summer, followed 2 weeks later by my cat.

I believe everyone will die when it's their time to go. All of our lives are written inside of a book and when it comes to a certain page our life stops. My mom and I are the only two close family members we have left here on earth. So I've had my fair share of death starting with my mom's dad and then losing my Dad at the age of twelve. It's been a bumpy experience but I no longer fear death. Eventually we'll all die and end up in a better place. This is my theory and my beliefs so if you believe something different that's fine. These are just my outlooks on death.

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Originally Posted by Ghengis Chron

I think some of the hardest things to deal with about death is the fact that it is so hard to get used to the fact that the person that died, is gone forever.

I was best friends with my grandfather, i never had a father, so my grandpa sort of took the role of teaching me things about life. taught me to treat a woman with respect, he taught me how to properly bait a hook, he taught me how to drive a car. when he died, it was like a brick wall had hit me. one minute he's here and the next he's gone forever. life isn't always inevitable, but death is.

i wondered to myself, could there be another world, a parallel world that he entered when he died? As far as I know, he could just as easily be somewhere better than here, than somewhere worse than here. if that makes sense. we know NOTHING about death, except that it hits us all at some point. the fear of the unknown is probably why so many people are scared of dying.

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i TOTALLY aqree with you.

My mom &; dad are never around so my qrandparents have taken care of me my whole life &; tauqht me the basics to the almost impossible. Im scared that their time is cominq soon &; theres nothinq i can do about it. I've always told myself, "I'm qoinq to break down if one of them die." because I am so attached to them and our bonds are unbreakable +; they accept me for me &; could careless about my extra curricular activities aslonq as they arent harminq anyone else...

Death comes sooner or later...

Never be afraid to die. Of course.. fear of the unknown.. but expect the unexpected..

I've thought about death a bit. I have yet to lose someone in my family that has effected me (my great grandpa died when I was 10 or so but he lives in another state). I don't think that death by old-age is so bad.

Now death by accident or suicide is another thing. I knew two people my age who are dead. Now I have this uneasy feeling knowing that any day I or someone I know could die unexpectedly.