Um.. sorta a freestyle, but its a rap.. Whatcha think?

Alrite so hears my rap, i know i posted this on another thread but uh well. Tell me whatcha think? Be honest:)

[align=center]First Rap.[/align]
I may be white, I may be young. Pick a fight ill show you what i do for fun. take a second to listen to me and maybe youll see im not a punk white kid you see around. Ask me to smoke and you know im down, down to smoke tell that bag is gone, down to chop a pile and smoke it through a bong. I know im high cause in a while my eyes will bleed red as fuck, thats what happens when you smoke weed.
Me, mike, and my bro, choppin piles for years and years, every time the piles gone we chop some mo, chop till we drop, thats how we do, pack the powl hard as fuck, light it up and pull it through. sittin in my garage listenen to Kottonmouth Kings, we never thought about a thing, always dreamin of smokin with the kings.
At first i didnt know what was what, didnt know the government was so fucked up, they throw you in jail, for smokin a plant, these days you try somethin fun but you cant, they take away our rights, but not with out a fight. theyre so unfair it makes me wanna cry, almost brings a tear to my eye, most people dont even care, millions of people sittin in jail for smokein weed? so i say fuck the popo's plant your seeds smoke the plant, even when they say you cant.
Alcohol and tobacco kill hundreds all the time, weed cant kill if you smoke pounds and pounds or just a dime. smokin marijuana shouldnt be a crime, if you think im wrong your already blind, blind from all the lies they feed you, people like me, there are only a few, so unite, fuck the others, HEAR THE TRUTH!
Peace...

It's cool for a poem-ish thing about our protest for legalizing cannabis. Rap has something in its written form called Structure, it is your setup, it makes it easier to read and more enjoyable. I'll show you an example:

I smoke 20 sacks after I eat,
order pizza and get a bag on my street//

Smokin' that shit with no Sticks-N'-Seeds,
Our nugs tight as fuck like Chicks-In-Jeans//

Call me up, hear the Bong-Bubblin',
Throw my tape in, get my Song-Rumblin'//


^That's a proper form of structure, I'm not trying to be an asshole I'm trying to make your art more enjoyable. :)

B.t.w, 1 bar = 2 lines, try spacing out your bars so your reader understands the rhymes at the fullest potential. I just add the "//" to indicate the end.