A story that I wrote..

Its kind of long so i dont really expect anybody to read this, but if your high and want to read something than you can read this, I was realllyy fucked up when i was writting it

It was a hot august evening when i first noticed it. i dont know how long it had been there, but from the moment i laid eyes on it, i wanted it gone. It was a statue, depicting the most awful, horrid, disgusting, insulting, ridiculous, retarded, most fucked-up god ever. the "great" god mars. "well, FUCK mars." i said to myself. Later that day, while in my keep, I asked my slave how long it had been there. "well i dont know sir, its been there long as i can remember." "yea? well i dont fucking like it," i replied, "i dont want to ever see it again. DESTROY it with haste" . "But sir," the slave began, "it was made by the great god mars himself, there's only one way to destroy it, it must be thrown into the big volcano" "well what are you waiting for?" i asked him. "GET GOING!" and with that, the slave was gone.

The next morning, i woke up to find the slaves decapitated head laying at the foot of my bed. "thats strange.." i thought to myself. I didn't remember killing him. "that statue had better be gone" But to my dismay the statue was in the same spot. "GOD FUCKING DAMNIT" i yelled. why couldn't anybody in this goddamn castle do anything right? I found my finest knight and ordered him to take the statue to the giant fucking volcano and to throw it in. He strapped it to his back using a couple bungie cords and elastic rubber-bands and he was on his way. I watched him leave thru the gates and over the moat and i watched him until he had disappeared over the horizon.

To my anger, the same thing happened the next morning, only this time the knights blood was all over my bedspread and his skull (picked clean) was laying on the pillow beside me. I didn't need to look outside, for i knew the statue was back in its place. There was only one way to rid my castle of this statue forever, and that was to do it myself. I strapped the statue to my back using four-hundred million, six hundred and thirty thousand, five hundred and seven miles of electrical tape(cuz it was all i had).

I set out at dusk, The land was cast in a fiery blood red haze that would turn into complete darkness within the next minute. All i had to eat were a couple single-baked biscotti, which do not keep very long. I also had a big fucking bottle of boomshine, and a flavored aquafina. I had no idea how long this fucking journey would be.

Around midnight, after walking for quite some time, I came across a gigantic bayou-bob tree, it was fucking like 400 feet tall probably. "good place to sleep" i thought to myself. and with that, i lay down and dropped dead asleap.

I awoke to a blood curdling scream. as if a baby was having its limbs torn off by a pack of wolves. I looked all around, but saw nothing. It was around that time that i noticed there were many bloodstains on, and surrounding the tree where i had lain all night. it was certainly an omen, but I pressed foreword, determined to destroy this fucking statue.

That morning, while walking along what seemed to be a never ending meadow, i discovered something miraculous. It was a field of dank, dank, weed. so dank that the trichomes looked like thick icicles, poured all over the buds with no mercy. I smoked as much as i possibly could, and stored more for later. I pressed foreword. The sun was high in the sky, and i was getting pretty high too at that point, the bud had turned this journey into something very enjoyable. As i walked, i occasionally heard distant screams and moans, and it became more and more apparent that this land was haunted.

The first time i encountered one, it was my fourth night out there. I awoke to a scuttling which seemed to be right next to me. I lay there, still, without breathing, straining my ears for the slightest peep, and then i heard it. It was breathing. raspy, phlemmy harsh breaths of air; growing louder and louder with each exhalation. and it was right in my ear. silently, with the slightest movement possible, i flicked my bic in front of my face. Before i could even catch a glimpse, it let out its demonic blood-curdling howl, made a quick movement, and i was on the ground. The next thing i remember is waking up in the early morning, with a peice of my shoulder missing and the bone exposed. "FUCKKKKKKKK" i yelled out into the unknown. That bitch had taken a bite out of my fucking shoulder!! it was on. I filled my wound with trichomes, bandadged it up with the hemp, tied the fucking statue to my back, and continued on my quest.

I had long since ran out of biscotti, and my stomach was begining to groowwwwwwwlllllllllllllllllllllllllll. I decided it was time i cought some FUCKING MAMMOTH. my plan was quite genius, and i sugest you pay attention, in case you need to catch MAMMOTH some day. i started by digging several strategically places holes, I then sat in one of the near by bayou-bob trees, and sharpened a stone while i waited. I waited for quite some time, until finally i heard it. "dun dun duna-duna dun dun duna-duna dun dun duna-duna dun dun DUN!" it was the unmistakeable dance of the wild MAMMOTH. i was so excited i almost pissed myself, but i held it in. It approached the first hole, but he missed it by a hair. he kept on dancing until, BAM, CRACK his enourmous hind leg fell into one of the holes, and then proceded to break. "YAHHH!!!!!!" i yelled as i leaped from the bayou-bob tree. i landed on the poor creatures back and began beating him silly with my sharpened stone until i had succesfully made it through his skull. I let nature do the rest, as i calmly watched him bleed to death. As it was far to big for me to put over a fire, I simply set his furry fur ablaze, and watched from my tree as the lovely meat began to cook. When at last the fur had seised burning, the meat was perfectly well-done, just the way i liked it. I had one hell of a fucking feast that night, you would have loved it.

well the next morning i felt better than ever. that mammoth had re-energized my soul. i really felt good and free and compasionate and alive again and i jsut felt like bursting out wish joy and being like "FUCK YEAH!".. thats how happy i was, im serious . but i was even happier than that. happier still. i was so fucking happy......

About a week after all that shit, i discovered that triscuit is an excellent source of whole grain.

So i was eating my triscuits walking through the big endless feild smokin a fat joint and i realized, i didnt have the statue any more. i had completley forgot about that fucking thing. couldnt remeber the last time i'd had it. oh well. at least it's not around anymore. to celebrate i made some cheese out of marijuana and ate it on triscuits. it got me even higher. "what should i do now" i thought to myself as i rolled up a blunt..

now it was the next morning and i was so hungover from all the budz i completley had no idea why the fuck i was out in this endless feild of marijuana. as a matter of fact i had no idea that this feild was marijuana until just then and i was just like dude fuck yes and i started smoking again. like three days later i was still smokin and i realized how great it felt to be out in the middle of nowwhere with a feild of marijuana that is always dank. i was sitting on top of a bayuo bab tree, chillin out watchin the sun rise, smokin the weed, and i knew i would live happily ever after....