dog dies at work, i find the body :( :(

today was the most surreal, tragic day of my life. i dont even know if its real.

i work at a dog kennel, where folks board thier dogs when they go on vacation.
so i came in this morning a half an hour early to get a jumpstart on the 70+ plus dogs i had to take care of. when i walked into the kennel, it was surprisingly quiet. i was almost done letting everyone out for morning runs when i got to Macky's crate. i opened the door and saw him laying there with his head sort of tucked in his chest, in a very unnatural and uncomfortable looking way. well i knew the moment i saw him that he had passed away. my heart honestly skipped a beat when i realized he wasn't alive, i lost my breath for a moment...like someone had blasted me with cold water or something. so i immediatly run to the office and call the bosslady, Laura who lives across the street and tell her that something went wrong. she asked me what was up, but i just couldnt get the words out without crying so i told her that she had to come and see for herself. of course she takes her time walking all of 200 ft as i am shaking and sweating and feeling like i was about to throw up. so when she finally comes i lead her to Macky's run and just point at him. For some reason i couldn't say anything. i kind of stood there as she started freaking out. she runs back into the office and i am still standing there, absolutely shocked and very very scared. Then i just crawl into the crate and lay my head on macky's belly and I start BAWLING. i mean serious, enormous tears. I just couldn't stop. i was imagining all the dogs that i have had to out down, and the fate of my cherished and beloved dog Hugo. I didn't even know Macky that well but for a moment it felt like he was my dog. so laura comes back in and sees me laying on the dog and SCREAMS at me 'don't touch the dog!" which completely startles me and causes me to cry even harder. i'm convulsing and gasping all over the place, so laura decides to give me the day off. without saying anything to her i run to my car and speed home and cry and cry and cry and cry. then i smoked an enormous joint, called my mom and cuddled with my dog. its like i saw a murder.

8 hours later, i can't stop thinking about Macky. I was watching television and a commercial for 1-800-petmeds comes on and everything rushes back to me and i start crying again. guys, all i see right now when i close my eyes is that poor old dog laying in that aweful position. he was an old boy and laura called me a while ago to tell me that he died of natural causes. this has been the worst day of my life. i saw a dead body. i really don't know what to do right now. tomorrow i am not going into work because i think that if i see his crate again i'll start crying. its like this enormous well in my stomach. i feel almost like it is my fault. perhaps i am overreacting but all i can think about is my dog dying and poor macky's last moments. what if he was in pain? what if i hadn't noticed something and i could have prevented it? how the hell am i supposed to keep working at the kennel when i experienced this nightmare?

i'm sorry. this has been a terrible day and right now i feel like dying myself.

that is so awful i am sorry. try to think about positive things. has anyone talked to the owners?

ps and i doubt you were responsible if you cared enough about your job to get there EARLY.

well you are over-reacting.. but that's to be expected... you've always seemed to be the type very in love with animals...

That sucks!! Unfortunatley death is inevitable. I could hardly imagine how I would react if something were to happen to my dog.

shit happens,i think yur way overreacting,its just a dog,a dog that wasnt even yurs. soi dunno why yu care somuch.

i care because i LOVE dogs. and yes the owners were contacted. the dog was sent to veterinary hospital then cremated

yea ive sene lots of dead things nd seen animals die in person, nd i still think shes way overreacting

no offense personally, but i just think yu guys may have had a way to sheltered upbringing, or really need some real problems, ive personally just stopped caring about shit all together.

i understand ur pain because this was just a place for vacation.. but things die, and this was of natural causes and if ur really seeing commercials and bawling then u are overreacting a bit. just my opinion, im not in your position, but still, from an objective standpoint, to be crying about this hours and hours later and even the next day is excessive

and @konsealedkoncept not caring about anything is just as bad as caring too much about everything, both are extremes and you arent going to go far with any social/love relationships unless there are things that you care about and feel for... gotta have some soul my friend