just depends on the deamon your stuck with

right so ive been reading this forum for a few months now and i figured that i would join up and make some posts. First of all to all the growers and people who contibute heavily to this site you rock. it took me a while to find this site and it blows away about a months worth of research on the entire web, so nice one.

I started smokin weed when i was about 15, few joints here and there nothing major, but when we finished school at 16, all exams where done. man all we did was burn thc. it was pretty much the best summer, my 69. it was phat. infact for my 16th b day which was july me and my best smokin mates blazed 2 ounces in about 36hrs. man where we cooked.

so from there on in i was pretty much hooked. i used to smoke a fair bit all the way through college and i was never more me. infact i got a rep for drinking and smoking till i puked. passing out, then about 45 minuats later being fine as fuck and skinning up another.i used to hang out, played in a few bands. did my work, kinda and just had a good time. it was all good. plus was the master joint roller. skinned up a 1.5 oz joint for my buddies 21 it was about 3ft and burn for about 2hrs. :)

then the obvious came, uni. away from home and missin my, well my brothers. i went to uni with my gf of about 2 yrs at the time and we had just spent a month in oz so it was cool. but soon as i went to uni i got real depressed. i loved meeting all the new people and all the new ladies, but it sucked. my mrs hated it and i resented me goin out so i, being the person i am stopped going out and sociallising and chilled more with her. and well thats what set in the lack of out goingness so i started to blaze on my own all the time. i was getting through half to an oz a week on my own, perpetually stoned and i let everything slip. my work, my apperance, my hygene and my communication.

did manage to pass my first year with 70% though, im one of the annoying fuckers who can sleep through a lecture and still correct the tutor. but in my second year i cudnt even be arsed to turn up. between my house and uni was a skate park and 3 dealers. so to behonest it was a no brainer. things with my gf eventually turned sour cus i and she both cheated nad she was goin to germany. but well, we both kinda knew that it was kinda tempremental.

but she really fucked with my head. she was kinda my last grip. since about 16 ive always dabbled with other stuff, pills, speed, coke, mushrooms, acid. but after that and seemingly being the inbetween fuck. i lost it. started bombin speed in the moring, blazin all day, droppin pills at night and passin out round day break. sometimes i wouldn't even go out just stay in and play games or jam.

so i came back home to recoup and sort my head out. at uni i kept having massive parranoid attacks. like helecopters following me and dealers out to bust me. too much scarface i think. but i did get followed by people filming me in a car. it was too much.

so i went home and went out one nite and over cooked it. enough beers, some speed, bombed 3 pills and then smoke a big phat joint. my brain was fried and i freaked out big time. i smacked a guy in a club and dropped him and then thought i was being followed. so i got a taxi and got off round some wooded area i know. spendin 12 hrs in the rain listening o a shit load of voices in my head. eventually i picked up the fone to my friends in the club, was a 36 hr festival, who had sent my mates out to look for me and left a house open for me to crash.

i woke up in the morning still burnin with paranoia and stupid dellusions and went home. it was ages before i even felt right. but that was 18 months ago and ive been clean since.

went back to college, been working out and clearing my head out. but in cutting the weed out i cut alot of my friends out because i cudnt take it, i needed a fresh start and no temptation. during this time i spoke to the doctor cus some days i didnt even have the energy to get up and am undergoing treatment for some fucked up things i did to my body.

the worst and scariest being taken into hospital, due to a blood test coming back with levels of the natural version of creatin, creatalyse i think it is ctx. its a chemical that rebuilds muscle fibre. that was sky high. normal peoples reside at around 200, a person who has had a serious heart atack is around 3500 and mine was 4388. it was fucked up.

but since getting some help ive never felt better and i feel like a different kinda me, like the old one but wiser and improved, definately more toned. i sorta got curious about the weed again, it was the only thing i missed more than any other drug, even coke.

so ater salivating over this site for a while, got in touch with a few old mates and they couldn't have been happier to see me. dispelled a few romours about the fatefull night and smoked a lush joint. it was like the first time all over again. i laughed my tits off and had a fucking excellent time.

then it sorta came back to me, somin i had said to a friend a long, long time ago. that what ever you have or take just amplifies your emotions. if your depressed or angry or unstable the drug won't help, it may supress that. but its no long term solution.

and i made me feel a bit guilty because i had blamed weed for my problems, when really it was me and no one else. i got myself into that bit abyss of a hole and i fucking climbed out, one foot at a time. and now i can see a bit beter, im glad i can blaze a joint now and again.

so i can't wait to move out, in sept im going to do a snowboard season in austria and then the year after im going to uni agian, due mainly to the most supportive parents a person could ask for and im gonna study my passion, i can't wait. im also gonna grow a few plants. so i can smoke now and again and keep it under controll.

in life i guess you have to fight your deamons and mine is excess and knowing my limits. just running away and saying no to everything, well thats the pusy way out.

i know this is a bit of an essay, i just wanted to post it. if anyone that reads it can relate to having been their or are there. then by all means get in touch. hit me up, we all stumble sometimes. its just made a bit easier when someone helps pick us up.

peace and progress

snowblind

you are in an amazing place right now, ill tell u why

u can now go to and from weed KNOWING what it CAN do to a person if that person lets it.

i love weed just as much as the next guy or girl on this forum but i will admit fully that if you LET it, it will hinder your ability to keep a fufilling and productive life (daily, heavy smoking, when other things are cut out in place of weed)

you are now in a place where you have seen what happens when you give in to your cravings all the time and cut the important parts of life out. u are outside of that place, and you can still go back and smoke weed, but now you UNDERSTAND how to smoke weed. you have realized the rather sinister powers of marijuana and the amazingly beneficial powers of marijuana.

good read man and more power to you. im glad that you have overcome your past and that you are able to enjoy a damn joint from time to time!!

Smoke weed.
Don't let weed smoke you~

cheers man. its probably why it cuts me up to see some people i used to hang with still in that rut. but back then anyone telling me otherwise would just make me smoke more. i definately appreciate weed SO much more now.

its been the most fucked up trip, but im definately a better person for it. its so true about the amount of stuff you, well i used to cut out of my life. but when your in it, its hard to see. weed has this amazin property of freeing you from yourself, disolving your ego and opening up segments of the brain that aren't usually accesiable.

it just when you spend all your time there, there aint alot to come back to.

proper can't wait to go to austria, its something i would have never have dreamed of doing before but i can't wait. snowboarding is the phattest rush and im not too bad if i do say so myself.

take it easy

peace and progress

snowblind