A bit of help, if you will. (long)

Hey all- I haven't been here in a while- how is everyone?

So I'm moving to Oregon from Memphis,TN in about 19 days. This will be my first major move...I'm starting to feel it. I've lived here with my parents (that is to say that I live in the same city as my parents) my whole life. So now I'll be 2400 miles away from the 'rents and my adorable 10 year old twin brothers. I raised those boys when my parents were in the pits and they absolutely idolize me. I'm finding it increasingly harder to bear the thought of not being there when they need me...I feel like a parent abandoning his child. Either way, I have to do this for me. I'm going to finish out my degree at U of O and get a good job out west where there is some demand for a wildlife biologist. So, I'm not changing my mind about moving, but I don't know how to get past the sheer and utter grief that's occupying me. It's hard for me to even pack my stuff without getting incredibly depressed. It's to the point now where it's getting hard to breathe. Like I said, I'm not going to cancel the move, but I was wondering if anyone could help me figure out a way to focus on the positive. Maybe someone has gone through this sort of situation before? Any and all help is appreciated. Have a good day everyone.

Heh... Thanks billion. How ya doin?

I can barely afford the trip myself, so taking them is out of the question.

This may be the sweetest thread I've read in the last six months. I love it that you love your brothers like that!

Making these last couple of weeks last would be a great thing to do, certainly. But I think you perhaps need to give in to the emotion you're feeling and actually let yourself express that grief and sadness. Cry. Have brief periods where you simply give in to it and let some of that grief come out. Give yourself permission to have a few 15-minute pity parties. Seems to me part of why you're feeling so bad right now is that you're suppressing some of this sadness on at least a couple of cylinders and not allowing yourself to openly express it. I'm not suggesting you go into an absolute emotional decline. I'm simply suggesting you open the release valve and let some of it out so the build-up isn't so painful. The expression is going to be painful enough, but that's as it should be. This is a difficult change to make.

At the same time, do some talking to yourself to put things in perspective. You're not moving around the world or going off to a war-torn third-world country where communication will be impossible. You're going to be where there are phones and cameras and computers and where you're pursuing your future, as you'd hope they would do, too, under the same circumstances. You're leaving them behind in good hands with loving parents, it sounds like. Make sure you leave behind lots of pictures and video, if you have it, and other sorts of reminders of you and your time together with them. Take lots of the same sorts of thing with you. Tell them how much you love them and how much you'll miss them and reassure them that you'll still be in their lives and they in yours. Do a bunch of fun things and take a lot of pictures over the next two weeks. Figure out a way to get together in person at the earliest opportunity. Pre-arrange some times to play online games or get on the computer cam or have special phone conferences so there'll still be bonding/interacting opportunities once you're in Oregon. Send them emails and also lots of cards and letters. Kids love to get paper mail. Give them some cards and stamps so they can do the same with you. When my son was that age and I'd have to travel for work, I gave him a clock that I'd set to the time zone where I was going to be so he could see what time it was where I was, and it helped him feel more connected. That was always the first thing he'd want to talk about when I'd call home, too.

You're not dying. You're just moving on with your future. Sure, it's very sad to think about being away from them. But what would be even sadder would be to suppress what's going on and stay locked up in the anxious grief mode and miss out on the opportunities to make the most of these next couple of weeks. Feel your feelings. Let the boys feel theirs. Express your love. Make memories to leave behind and take along with you. And reassure yourself that this is a change that separates you for now but not a permanently severed connection.

Maybe a good talk with your parents will help you. If they say nothing but the fact that they hate that you're leaving then..I mean..

Theres really no way to escape the depression. It seems you've got a big heart and a strong compassion for people and peoples feelings and emotions....Im the same way...

It kind of gets in the way when making big decisions such as the one you are going through...

AND...since you ARE the way you ARE....caring....it would be almost wrong to desensitize yourself to the situation...you will always care for your brothers and family...

I mean....I guess the only thing you can do is try to get your mind on the future and what you plan to accomplish

Whatever happens, good luck

you're a good person

Thank you all so much. I guess another part of the problem is that I have to keep working at least 55- 60 hours a week to soften the financial impact of the move. The stress doesn't help ( I work in a restaruant) and composure and confidence are the only ways to make money.
Either way, I'm 20 years old. I'm making the first BIG decision of my life, and I'm scared shitless. I suppose it'll get even harder as the time draws nearer, but without sadness, there really is no happiness.


( And how many people get the opportunity to do this? I fuckin' rock!):)

Wildlife biologist! That sounds totally COOL!!

Oh, it is.

I'm leaving tommorrow! Wish me luck!

THAT's true love for family.

Your a good man.

Goodluck with the move - dont become a stranger around here man!

Have a safe trip,,,family is everything,,,without care and respect of family you have no care and respect at all...