Just need to pass? HERE'S HOW! Esp. Ladies!

This may be long but details are important -- some people with their livelihood and freedom at stake are counting on the accuracy of my personal experience. Here goes...
So, I applied for this great position at a well-known company and naturally, I was fully aware that pretty much all companies drug test now as is mandated by federal law. But for some reason, this did not worry me as I know many other heavy tokers that have passed using the detox products or by obstaining completely for a given amount of time.

Here's a little background info =
I'm 5'0 - 140lbs. And I've smoked daily for approximately three years so I would consider myself a " heavy " user.

I found out that I got the position and I stopped smoking like 6 days before the exam. I had scoured the internet for several nights, read thousands of threads. THANK YOU CYBERSPACE.
But hold that thought.
Being a complete chicken shit and rather optimistic for the average pot smoker, I decided that dilution would be a safe bet. So in the 6 days before the exam, I loaded up on high-doses of Niacin and opted to take cranberry pills. My strategy was to put away as much water as possible -- like 1-2 gallons per day. I had eaten red meat as I usually do and decreased my workouts. Better safe than sorry, I thought, and I dropped by GNC and bought a Q-Carbo XXL ( the detox for people 200lbs and up which the clerk SWORE would work ). I followed those instructions to the T --better than they had written them. I drank the entire 32 oz bottle and 2 bottles of tea. I also drank a gatorade and then on the way there, I had another large bottle of water. I peed like 15 times and got the runs before even I even managed to wait in the lobby drowning myself with water. Gave up the sample.
Bad news. It didn't work.

There is NO quick detox. No magical pill or potion that will save your ass from the fire. LITERALLY. But to my fortune, my results ( which came back positive ) came back with some mismatched routine information. LUCKILY, I was allowed to re-test! Whoosh. So, rather than take another risk and spend a week works of sleepless nights stressing over something that frankly, isn't anyone elses GODD*MN BUSINESS except for my own, I researched using substituition. :smokin:
Big thumbs up.
Found a clean friend ( the squarest person I know -- even my grandma had taken a hit HAHA! ) and used his sample. I had him pee into a cup and then deposited it into a cleaned out condom. I kept the sample pressed against my thigh and wrapped with a ThermaCare heating pack until I arrived at the facility. Then, I shoved it in the ass crack -- hey, not a pretty thought but a smart one. Went in, dropped off the belongings and was left alone to ... evacuate. HAHA. I used my cleavage to actually carry a full sized pair of scissors and then just cut the condom. Voila. Clean sample.
I am still waiting to here back from them but I have high hopes! Please, if you're in at ANYWAY taking the time to look at threads or research ... DON'T RISK IT. If you're searching the internet, you're probably desperate ( myself included ); use substitution. The nerves might be bad at first but they are nothing compared to waiting for your boss to call you up and fire your stoned as* or worse you get thrown in jail for violating parole or something.
Ask yourself one simple question -- do the benefits outweigh the risks? If the answer is yes ( and if like me, NOT smoking is NOT an option ), take my advice -- substitute. And then smoke a fatty.

Shout out to all the stoners who have provided an invaluable resource to the pot-head community. You guys rock. Smoke on. And oh yeah, don't forget a puff for your girl ... !!

PASSED! PASSED! PASSED!
Another wonderful ad from the providers of substitution!
When all else fails, SUBSTITUTE. And toke on!

i dunno bout all that i smoked a hell of a lot of weed probably months and month upon months thought this place would never call me for a job threw a huge party still up in the morning get a phone call please come in for an interview bam your hired go take the drug test and not only did i smoke weed did some other substances drank about 5 gallons of water it was so hard to do that to OMG i thought my stomach was going to blow, peed until it was clear drank another bottle of water before i went, stopped at the gas station and peed again went in peed into the toilet a lil then into the cup and BUAM PASSED, i was like shit yeah.. this i awesome..

Props fuckin' to you. :thumbsup:

When I sign on, honestly, this is usually the only portion of the board I check.

:jointsmile:

u used a guys piss.. i dont think thats it a good idea im pretty sure they can tell the difference

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cavmanfotwent

u used a guys piss.. i dont think thats it a good idea im pretty sure they can tell the difference

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They do not test for DNA. They test for drugs.

lo ll^^^